Monday, March 31, 2014


Only days after a violent fight between Kenya Moore and Porsha Williams on the set of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion, I caught up with the ladies to get the 411. More fights erupted and tea was definitely spilled. I'm Isayaah Parker, who needs Andy Cohen when I can reunite a fight! 

Porsha and Kenya did show up for the interview. They tried to keep their distance 
Isayaah: Ladies, let me just say that you all look amazing. I am so honored that you would sit down with me after sitting with your pimp Andy Cohen.

NeNe: Excuse me? I didn't come here to be insulted...I may have been a stripper, but I never was, am not and never will be, a HOE!

Kenya: Oh really? That's interesting. Didn't you have sex with that white man for red bottoms?

NeNe: Bitch I am very RICH! I AM VERY RICH BITCH! I didn't get this rich from having sex with ANY man of any race! Maybe YOU should find a John, then you could at least pay your rent on time and not be evicted. I hear Sheree has a place you can stay. A nice cozy pile of sticks!

Isayaah: LADIES! LADIES! We haven't even begun the interview and you are already fighting! I apologize for the rude comment. It was my attempt at shady humor. It just seems like Andy makes a lot of money off of dysfunctional women.

Phaedra: Dysfunctional? Weren't you on American Idol acting a dysfunctional mess for the pimps at FOX?

Isayaah: And while I was doing that, weren't you engaging in insurance fraud with your business partners and pawns, Apollo and Angela?

Apollo storms in: This is not happening! Shut this shit down! You are making acuras about me and my wife! You keep talking, I will beat you like I did that other faggot Brandon!

Isayaah: It's "Accusations" not Acuras. Acuras would be cars, you know, the things you stole and chopped up with your boss Phaedra.


Isayaah: Welcome back to my exclusive interview with the cast of the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Unfortunately, Apollo tried to hit me and didn't expect for me to be able to throw hands. I have since knocked the dog shit out of him, (among other things) and he is on his way to the emergency room. Kenya, you look breath taking, who are you wearing?


Kenya: Why thank you kind sir! And I must also thank you for giving Apollo what he deserves! Brandon was gracious not to press charges! Oh, I am wearing Valentino.

NeNe: Lies of the broke and famous. Bitch you sitting up in here in a Rainbow club dress.

Kenya: That's funny, because you are sitting up in here with Mr. Ed's teeth and Mr. Potato Head's nose.

Porsha: Funny how you should mention body parts, because it looks like....

Kenya: *Opens fan* Why is she talking? I thought I put her to bed hours ago.

Isayaah: Ok Porsha and Kenya, Yall don't want to fight again do you? Porsha, I heard Bravo fired you for snatching up Kenya's hair at the reunion. Is this true?

Kenya: No the hell it is not! She grabbed at my hair so I slapped the dog shit out of her. I didn't send for you, and I made sure you regretted coming for me.

Porsha: Is that why you have that big bald spot? Is that why your eye is still swollen? You look like Sunday from Basketball Wives. Should I do the other eye to even it out?
Sunday feels Kenya's pain

Isayaah: It seemed like yall made up in Mexico, why is there still tension?

Porsha: Because she can't mind her own business, probably because she doesn't have any business of her own. Not a check in the bank nor a man in the bedroom. Worried about my marriage, she needs to be worried about her sanity. There is no African prince, it's all in your head!
The African Prince revealed: Being held hostage

Kenya: At least I have something in my head! There's nothing in yours. You should be ashamed every time you open your mouth. Talking about the underground railroad like it's Amtrak. She's not even worth an argument. Her stupidity is insulting. *opens fan*

Isayaah: Porsha, I do have to say that I was appalled by the underground railroad comment. There really isn't any excuse for that. Have you studied up on Black history since that episode aired?

Porsha: I am done talking about that comment I made. I feel as though I have explained it to death. NEXT QUESTION.

Isayaah: I am sorry, do I look like Andy Cohen to you? I will not be dismissed on my own show, you can leave.

Kenya: Have a nice day Porsha. I hear Lambchop needs an understudy.

Isayaah: Phaedra, you have been awfully quiet, your man tried to kill me and you just sat there humming a negro spiritual. Bygones. Are you still upset with Kenya? Do you really think Kenya wants to sleep with Apollo?

Phaedra: I think Kenya needs a check. She will do whatever it takes to get rich and famous. The famous part happened, the rich part went in the other direction. Unfortunately, she is using me to get a storyline, to get camera time. She can't be known for her own accomplishments, she has nothing going on, so she needed to attach herself to me and my man. A man. Something that has ran away from her ever since she was conceived.
Kenya visits Africa and comes across a specimen she finds interesting

Kenya: A man. Something you manipulated to do your dirty work.

Phaedra: A man, something you paid to pretend that he was your boyfriend for a reality show.

Kenya: A fuck. Something I do not give.

NeNe: A drink, something I need.

Isayaah: A question, something which was not answered. Phaedra, do you really think Kenya wants Apollo?

Phaedra: What heterosexual woman doesn't want to have sex with my husband? He's fine. But most women would keep those thoughts to themselves and surely wouldn't act on those thoughts. She put her paws on my man in Anguilla, the proof is in the pudding.

Isayaah: Kenya, I have a question for you. Do you work? I mean you said before that you have a multi- million dollar production company, yet we never see you producing anything. We only see you running around with baby dolls and twirling while the other women go to jobs. Even Porsha is in Kandi's play, but she had an excuse, her man was filthy rich. Oh I did see you produce something, the work out video...

Phaedra: Something which I thought of first. She can't even produce a work out video on her own. She doesn't work. She just worries herself over my fabulous lifestyle and collects chump change from Bravo. If she had a mutli-million dollar company, she wouldn't have been evicted. Next question?

Kenya: You are an evil woman Phaedra, that's why your precious husband is divorcing you. I'm not sure what is worse for Apollo, prison, or living with your controlling donkey ass. And I'm not worried about you! You are worried about me! Always clocking your man and wondering if he is checking up on me! Why? Because you wish you could look like me. I'm sure he closes his eyes while fucking you and thinks of me. Is that my fault? NO. And yes Isayaah, I do work. My production company takes in millions.

Isayaah: What was the last project you worked on?

Kenya: *Silence*

Phaedra: I could have sworn that he asked her a question...

Isayaah: So NeNe and Marlo, you two used to be great friends, so sad to see it end like this. NeNe, did you take issue with Marlo hanging out with Kenya?

NeNe: I am not talking about Marlo.
Marlo crashes the interview
Marlo: But the rest of us are, because Marlo is here honey! So I'm an opportunist huh? So you're mad about me and Kenya being friends? So high school. Weren't you an opportunist when you approached Gregg in a g-string while he threw some one's on it? And don't get it twisted, my mug shots were for beating bitches down, so you ran away from me. Your mug shots were for stealing and that's why you stole my style! Bitch you don't want none of me! You're a criminal like me acting like you are better than me. Stealing shit just like your college drop out son.


Marlo: Below the belt, ironic statement coming from you. That's where all of your worth is. And you did fuck that white man for red bottoms.

Kandi: Wait a minute, should you be the one talking about fucking for red bottoms? All those old White men you have slept with?

Marlo: Oh Kandi you want to fight me again? You still mad? Maybe you need an old White man to spend money on you instead of you being a sugar mama to Todd!

Isayaah: Kandi, I was just about to ask you, is mama Joyce coming to the wedding?

Kandi: She came around. She and Todd talked and though there are still issues, she's learning how to keep her distance when it comes to my relationship.

Mama Joyce: I'll keep my distance, however.......

Isayaah: That's great to hear! I thought maybe mama Joyce needed a hobby. Maybe a sewing class or Friday night Bingo. I'm lying, I thought your mama needed a man of her own. I hear John Witherspoon is single.

Cynthia: That is hilarious!

Kandi: Oh is it funny Cynthia? It's also funny that you are such a door mat, that Peter's dreams can have you handing out money like Magic City.
Cynthia poses with two gorgeous pots of daisies.

Cynthia: I should have let my sister beat your motha-fucking ass bitch!

Kandi: As if that bitch could touch me! Welcome home Cynthia! Door mat ass bitch! Your homeless loser sister uses you for a place to live, your husband uses you as a loan officer but pays you back with dusty old man dick, and you're so far up NeNe's menopausal pussy, that she can call your man a bitch and you don't even raise an eyebrow!

NeNe: Kandi, what I tell you about your ignorance. Just because I am forty five, doesn't mean I am menopausal. I can have a baby right now! I can show you my bloody tampon right now! Who wants to see my bloody tampon?!

Kandi: Aint nobody checking your panties hoe.

Sheree: Who gon' check her boo?!

Isayaah: Where the hell did you come from Sheree?

Todd: NeNe, I can't keep allowing you to call my lady ignorant.

NeNe: That's enough of the lolly pop guild. I have a hair appointment in Emerald City.

Todd: You are very mean NeNe! My lady has done nothing to you, what is the big deal about what she said about your cycle?! You can dish it but can't take it. Peter gave you a small piece of criticism and you flipped out, called him a bitch and my lady, my lady, made a harmless comment and you....

Isayaah: NeNe I have to say that it did seem, no pun intended, SMALL of you to get so upset over Kandi's comment about your cycle. I don't think it is ignorant at all for someone to wonder if a woman over forty still has her period. It is not ignorant if the truth is that women do go through menopause during that time. Do you still think Kandi is ignorant?

NeNe: None of these bitches are on my level. I have arrived and Kandi is just jealous.

Kandi: Right, I am jealous. I've had platinum records. I can't even entertain this made for TV foolishness.

Isayaah: NeNe, I am glad that you have made up with Cynthia and Peter. But I have to ask, are your friends not allowed to criticize you?

Kenya: They aren't allowed to criticize. Her friends are expected to co-sign her bullshit. Her ego is huge but her career is nonexistent.

NeNe: To answer your question Isayaah, No I do not expect my friends to cosign all of my actions but Peter was always up in women's business. He knew that ball was some bullshit and that I didn't even want to be there.

Kenya: So charity is bullshit? Right NeNe.

NeNe: Lil girl, your entire life is bullshit. The doll baby, the paid escort named Walter, and the...Oh shit! This bitch came back!

Isayaah: Porsha, put the gun down! It's just a TV show, it's not real. Porsha! Noooo!

Kenya: OH HELL NAW! PLEASE DON'T PORSHA! I'M SORRY! You were never a beard! You are so intelligent! You have an amazing singing voice! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!

Porsha: Yea bitch! Hide under your chair! I'm going to kill you heffa! I brought the coochie crack girl with me!

Kenya: Noooo! I can still see her coochie crack!!!

Isayaah: Everyone down! Call 911! Someone call 911! Fuck I still had more shade to throw!

 Two Hours Later
Coochie Crack woman arrested after pistol whooping Kenya Moore. Porsha remains at large.