Tuesday, May 20, 2014


What is love?
Is it real?
We know your situation is far from perfect, Mrs. ELEVATOR WARS!
As I lay in my bed, with nothing but the churning sound of the ceiling fan, I think about love.
I can't help but cynically question it's relevance to my survival on this earth. Earth, a planet full of bullshit aspirations that are spoon fed to the masses to make them feel inadequate. Inadequate, because I am three decades old and a man doesn't caress me in the night. Inadequate, because the happy people on my television have made families by my age. They aren't cuddled with stuffed animals, dreaming like Selena of a love that must be found, because there isn't a man around....
Meanwhile all I have is Grindr
Isn't love just a one a syllable little word that we use for the feeling of really liking someone? Isn't it just a whimsical way of describing a chemical reaction? One that could also be experienced by smoking a joint or eating your favorite food while listening to your favorite song?
Is it really more than that? Is it spiritual or predetermined? Is it a bouquet of flowers on Valentines Day? Is it Casablanca, slow motion and gray?
Personally, I've never felt that I've been in love. No one has given me butterflies, no one has even been interested in me beyond sex. I often feel like I am wasting my life away, drowned in agonizing thoughts about being alone. It feels like a disease of self infliction, that I CRAVE love while I compare myself to others who SEEM to have it.

"Fuck that happy hoe, I give it less than a year"
Has Hollywood taught me to be a hopeless romantic? Does love really exist or should I just settle for a guy whose company I enjoy? If fireworks don't happen, oh well, because after all, dopamine is just a chemical which can be artificially introduced. Maybe we aren't even meant to be monogamous, maybe we are meant to have sex with many and crack jokes. Not cry in a fetal position on the bathroom floor because Johnny cheated on you with your sister, on Valentines Day. If you never expected love from Johnny, you wouldn't have had to write that suicide note. Just a thought.
When I was in middle school, I became angry that everything I enjoyed as a kid, was a complete fallacy. I felt lied to. I felt like deprogramming myself from the bullshit of my childhood. I couldn't believe that my parents who were preachers, would lie to me about the existence of Santa Claus, the Easter bunny or the tooth fairy. If they would lie about that, then surely, they could lie about love. Mommy and daddy reveal that Santa is a fake, while later in life, the person you thought you made love to in the back of his Chevy reveals that love is fake.
If Santa was just a way for big business to make a profit at the end of the year, then maybe love always has been a fraud as well. If people didn't think they were in love, they wouldn't spend money on chocolates, flowers and weddings rings. There wouldn't be a multimillion dollar empire surrounding Cupid's arrow, no platinum love songs or Disney movies for parents to spend their money brainwashing their kids with.
What if love is just a way to get you to conform and consume?
Eat this bullshit, until it drives you crazy and kills you...
Look at the skyrocketing divorce rates now that society doesn't market itself as Leave it to Beaver. Maybe the advent of Technicolor merely revealed the ugly truth, that life isn't perfect or formulaic. That we are all just animals who need to mate, love was just a black and white cinematic image for the glory of box office sales.
I mean if love is anything like Romeo and Juliet, I'll pass. They both ended up dead.
Seems like things would have gone a lot smoother had Romeo saw Juliet as a "THOT" (That Hoe Over There) and Juliet saw Romeo as a good piece of man meat who engaged her with great pillow talk. I doubt poison would have come up in their story had love not been in their Kool Aid.
And it speaks volumes, that as kids, many of us saw the story of Romeo and Juliet as a beautiful tragedy, something worth aspiring to. A love so strong you would die for it. Damn were we brainwashed! Still are....
Almost sounds like we are all one big cult, glorifying poisoned libations and mesmerized by something intangible.
If I were never introduced to the concept of love as a child, I wonder...
Would I be a lot happier now?
As cynically as I conceptualize the desire for love, I can't help but get jealous of those couples who seem happy in it. I can't help but close my eyes everyday and imagine what it would feel like to be embraced by someone who truly loves me. I can't help but feel inadequate without it. I can't help but sing the lyrics to "On the Run" by Jay Z and Beyoncé and wish I could relate to them. Music makes me want to ride on the back of someone's motorcycle all caught up in it.
And I am angry. The powers that be have made me feel lonely, made me question every man that's ever kissed my face. I hate that I strive for something that I can't even understand. I hate that I have to overanalyze each guy instead of just enjoying what is and not worrying about what it is not. Because let's face it, it will never be a 1950's Hollywood picture. It will more than likely be the equivalent to a three minute rap video. Especially since online dating is how us gay men check out the merchandise.
And then he's on to the next one...
I hate that love feels like the Holy Grail. Something that people fight for, look their entire lives for, only to find that it's just a silly cup that someone used to get wine drunk out of.
It holds no power. It only holds liquid.
In my case, tears.

Like Beyoncé sings,

Who wants that perfect love story anyway, cliché.

If love is a cliché, why does everyone obsess over it to this day?

Below is my loveless version of Jay Z's "On the Run" Sort of like a remix.

Who wants that perfect love story.....
...I do
Cliche or not

The sound of that galloping horse.
May I be transformed
in his arms
Inspired by the raging alarm
Sounded by the fire
Which does more good
Than harm.
At first sight
Bombs explode
Perfection not expected
Even with potholes
In the road.
Ugly salvation
Much better
Than the kiss of a toad.
These pages I write
Film I cut
I'll never cease the fight
I believe in you
The future pulls at my gut.
Hysterically crying
Keeping prayer on a pew
Daydreaming of how I'll meet you
Maybe you're lonely too
Hurt by more than a few.

In the midst of these crocodiles
Fraudulent smiles
And fake profiles
I maintain HOPE
of three piece suits
at the end of an aisle.

Though life's been tough
Pieces of me
Lost in the fray
I've saved my best melody
Just so you can press play

I'll never give it all away
Never give it up
None of it away
You come my way
Here to stay.

-Isayaah "D.Myst" Parker

Wednesday, May 7, 2014


My mother always taught me...
The same people you condemn and dismiss today
May be the same people
Who hold the key to your success in the future

Featured above, is a video that shows evangelist Porsha Williams, doing what Black Evangelist's typically do, as she preaches about how gays and lesbians need to be saved.

Dear Porsha Williams, 

The Bible also doesn't want women preaching in the churches. Don't pick and choose scripture to condemn people. We are all sinners according to that BIBLE.  (I have nothing against women preaching, I'm not Christian because I don't agree with the judgement in the Bible. My mom was the first woman preacher in her denomination)

"Let your woman keep silent in the churches, for it is not permitted unto them to speak" -1 Corinthians 14:34
In case you haven't noticed, The Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA) is scripted reality on a gay network whose cast is full of homophobic lost souls. When you consider this, you can begin to see who Porsha Williams really is.

Evangelist?! What?! Porsha Williams was an evangelist? Porsha can annunciate? Porsha....the same woman who though she served face, served an evening in jail for assault, believes...
Believes that gays and lesbians need to be saved?????

The video at the top of the blog, is from a past life of Porsha's, filmed before she was handed a peach for The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Before the slut from the nineties called her a "dumb hoe" on a megaphone, she was an evangelist. She was well spoken, had an extensive vocabulary and covered her breasts with clothing. Why was this not mentioned on the show? Andy Cohen had to have seen this footage of Porsha when they were scouting her for the show. Therefore, we need not only expose Porsha, but we need to expose BULLSHIT BRAVO. 
You mean to tell me that Andy was so offended by the "QUEEN" comments yet didn't seem to mind a homophobic evangelist?  Bravo made it appear that her life was watching people move boxes at her grandfathers charity drives. Well evidently, that was not all Porsha was doing... She was running around Atlanta preaching about evil homosexuals. For no one to mention this on the show to me means it was covered up and it did not fit the storyline they wanted for her. Come to think of it, a well respected preacher doesn't fit the mold of a co-dependent submissive wife in proverbial diapers. Viewers were conned and given a fraud who snapped for the kids in her confessionals, when in actuality, she wanted to pray their gay away. With a large percentage of viewership coming from the gay community, Bravo had to cover up her evangelist past, or at least ignore it. Let's face it, most gays don't like evangelists. Hmmm...I wonder why?
Fellow Bible thumping, remedial homophobe, Fantasia, on Bravo's WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE
I would even venture to say, that this is the real Porsha. A woman who is a lot smarter, (though morally offensive) than the character she plays on RHOA. A woman with convictions. A woman brainwashed by the doctrine of the Black church. A woman desperate for a platform, so preaching afforded that. But the pulpit didn't give her the widespread fame in which she craved, so she found a somewhat famous, rich defunct athlete, married him, and joined the cast of RHOA.

Footage of Porsha Williams, who preached judgmental religious hate speech, is proof that the show is a fraud. She sold her soul for fame. She turned in her intellect, for a deer in headlights who inquired about the train conductor of the underground railroad. The show already had Phaedra, daughter of preachers, so executives felt Porsha's niche couldn't be Jesus and pants suits. They saw she was pretty, saw a famous husband and put a pasteurizer in her mouth.

The ditzy dumb cute girl, with a hot temper and pension for dragging bitches by the follicles, is a manufactured Stepford Wife gone rogue, but even the going rogue part is smoke and mirrors. The wealthy Bravo execs, manufactured an underdog and began to write a fantasy.

The partially true to life storyline, was an underdog breaking from its leash and running free to achieve its dreams. As Porsha divorced her controlling husband and now scores a hit song, I have to wonder, was this all planned by the powers that be? Conceived, scripted and rehearsed?

It was.
By them...
Reality TV thrives on vulnerable, self obsessed, self conflicted naïve fame whores who will do whatever it takes to become a trending topic. Porsha was the perfect candidate, enduring a sexless marriage just to have the credentials to be on a television show to play a character. She used Kordell to be on TV, and Kordell used her as a trophy.

And Bravo used her, to create a television-ready caricature, that ensured high ratings and a bigger brand. All the while, the pop culture addicted zombies, have no idea, that the pathetic souls they obsess over, are a masquerade.

But enough of that, let's throw this desperate bitch in a frying pan


So Lambchop, you allowed a so-called "QUEEN" to stick his hand up your ass and animate you like a sock puppet, yet gays are the ones, who need to be saved?

A clip of Porsha's new music video
You compared us gays to prostitutes and drug dealers but I guess gays are alright with your morality as long as they sign your checks.
Isn't it true, that gay men gave you a national platform and saved you from homelessness after that "queen" put your remedial ass out on the street? After all, if it wasn't for a gay producer with a contract in hand, you would have never been able to stunt like you just bought a house that Bravo actually rented out for you.

You mean to tell me, that you can steal gay lingo, get your relevance from a gay owned network and have homosexuals style you from head to toe, yet they need to get right with God?

I'm going to save him from Hell, after I get out of my jail cell. Jesus fix it, those homosexuals sure are living a vile lifestyle, did I mention my ex husband, the one I slept in the bed with every night, was gay? Such sinners, Oh BTW, did you see me...
 drag that slut on Easter Sunday? #KeeptheSabbathHoly
Would He resort to violence? I think Jesus would turn the other cheek, so judgment when it comes to "saving gays" is laughable coming from Porsha. Sounds like she's the one who needs to reexamine her walk with God, rather than pointing the finger at other sinners. Along with the other women on the show, she talks a lot about Jesus yet we never see them inside of a church. Hell the weddings didn't even take place in a church.
No wait, I did see Porsha in a sanctuary, she went to an historic church that was a stop on the underground railroad with the other ladies. She proved then and there, that Jesus needs to save her from stupidity.
At least the ignorance she PERFORMED for the check, we will get to that later...
What happened to Porsha's pulpit? Well, Bravo knows that their demographic is mostly Blacks, who always respect those who are Christian, but who don't tune in for a Tyler Perry gospel musical. So Jesus is mentioned here and there but it's often only in jokes.
The Amazing Grace singer is the only one on the show who I believe is still Christian. Something rare when one turns themselves over to the mainstream pop culture.
I for one, think Porsha put Jesus on the backburner to appease materialistic aspirations. In the process, she's been influenced by a liberal secular environment. I do think, though, she still holds on to the notion that gays are not on the guest list at the pearly gates.
For this, I can't respect her. It's funny to me, that way back when on the pulpit, she had no idea that she bit the hands that would feed her years later.

I never liked Porsha, not only because she was a Black woman who appeared nonchalantly ignorant of Black history on millions of plasma screens, but also because I've always known she was a fraud.

It's hard to be an evangelist and know Biblical history while being willfully unaware of what the underground railroad actually was. I do think she ACTED on the show, but it doesn't matter. The fact that she'd be willing to present that image, makes me despise her. Loathe her. It's hard enough getting positive images of our people on TV. Black people that is. And then there are the gay Black men, like myself, whose images on television are even less diverse.

Bravo loves it's flamboyant gays, nothing wrong with that, I may be one myself, but there just seems to be a concerted effort on that network to paint Black gays as messy and queeny.

Then we have to deal with Porsha's old sermons about gays needing to be delivered, echoing the bullshit we have been exposed to in the Black church. The judgment, the condemnation.

Which leads me to Phaedra and Porsha.


"Men in dresses don't entertain me, I'd rather see a beautiful real woman perform in the nude"


"I don't agree with men wearing women's clothes so I did feel uncomfortable filming around Lawrence. It's too much. Some women have them around to make them look better, not me."

It continues with Peter, no not the book in the Bible, I'm not out to attack someone's morality with misunderstood scripture. Peter Thomas, fresh off the boat from the island of the homophobes, called himself a housewife, ate a peach and referred to straight men as "REAL MEN" at the RHOA Reunion. According to Uncle Ben, I mean Papa Smurf, Oops I mean Peter, someone like Brandon, Kenya's gay good Judy, is not a real man and had no business fighting with real men. According to NeNe, he's just a queen in a red gown. According to Marlo, Sheree spends too much of her time hanging out with "faggots"

So Porsha is not the only RHOA homophobe and don't get me wrong, people can believe what they want to, they have that right. But I also have the right to point out your hypocrisy if you are going to point out my immorality.

It's very southern of her, to question the character of someone solely on their sexuality. Why judge us, when she lied about physical abuse from her ex husband, just to sell a song on I-Tunes.

But let's face it, ratings trump morals when it comes to television execs, even if gay men must make homophobes rich. On a show where a homosexual is violently attacked and the cast members shrug their shoulders, Porsha's blast from the past won't be an issue for the show.
After all, Kenya should be 

...lucky her ass didn't get BEAT!
Am I right Nene?!
He's just

...The QUEEN in the red gown, Miss Brandon!
and he shouldn't be fighting
...The "real men" in the room
because you are such a REAL MAN Peter, especially with all those loans from your wife
You take care of home and bring home the bad checks, I mean, bacon
 You and Apollo are REAL MEN...
I do believe that a real man is what's on the inside. Miss Lawrence and Brandon are more of a man than Peter. But I do have to say, it's a shame that on a gay owned network, a bald headed "fashion queen" in red lipstick is passed amongst rental divas like borrowed earrings.

I digressed, but Miss Lawrence, please don't let Porsha rent you out next season.

In conclusion, I do wish the best for Porsha. I hate the fact that I love her song "Flatline" and that I actually take her seriously as a singer and performer. I just can't cosign her words, her actions nor her lies. But she's just like the rest, using the gays to get to where they want to go, Wearing them like a fur until summer hits. The bitch gets hot and she doesn't need them anymore.

But all the things you said about us before, may just send you back out that door.