Sunday, October 27, 2013


If God exists

I wouldn't be close

To slitting my wrist.

If God is real

He should have revealed

Footprints in the sand 

His power too concealed.

If the answer is to pray

Then how much more can I say?

Still on my knees crying

But whose wiping them away?

If God works


Then why aren't believers

Walking on the sea?

The blind still neglected

Still unable to see. 

I don't feel 

His overwhelming presence

All I feel

Is His underwhelming presence.

If God is capable 

Of flooding the earth

The He can surely 

End my world of hurt.

God put a rainbow 

In the sky

Thousands of years later

Storms still cause more to die. 

If God is real

It's not the Devil whose a liar.

Where's that PROMISED Land?

And while I'm at it

Where's my man? 

Said He wouldn't give me 

More than I can bare

But this Chemo is a bitch

I lost all my hair. 

You make people drink

Your blood 

Eat Your flesh 

While millions

Can't afford 

To get dressed.

To Hell with God 

Teasing us with riches

We can never acquire...

Dangling His apples

We can never devour.

They say you made the bed

Now lay in it...

So God you made Hell

Now burn in it.

I don't care who I offend

This son of preachers

Sees no crime in the sin. 

Where are the angels 

With their harps?

I'm drowning in my drama

Where's my arc?

You've given me nothing

But a silent room

A sanctuary of child molesters

Minimum wage 

and a broom.

When praises go up

Blessings come down?

But only in a church

With offering plates

and a preaching clown. 

I don't even know 

Who God is supposed to be....

Is He omnipresent

Or that Pope on T.V.? 

There are no blessings 

Showering me from above

Even when I quoted scripture

So filled with Christ's love.

God has committed crimes

against humanity

He made us 

He raised us

Then left us in poverty.

Free will

Just an excuse.

You're too damn arrogant 

To save us from our own abuse.

Oh and F.Y.I. 

Saving us doesn't include...

Burning our cities


and a Revelations Bitch-tude.

Who needs God?

When I can fuck this rod

It comforts me more

Then His staff 

of incompetent angels.

Amazing grace

How bitter the sound. 

Amazing grace

Never saved a wretch

Or the runners at the race...

The night is silent 

The night is lonely...

A Biblical baby

Just doesn't console me. 

Where's my salvation

From these bills

and this broken nation?

I want my heaven now...

Why should I have to die

To recite my wedding vow?

You talk big shit 

But you never deliver

I drank your communion wine

It fucked up my liver.

I hate God 

if he exists or not at all.

To Hell with God 

He doesn't catch me

When I fall...

You and Satan

Can duke it out

In the shit you've created

I'm overthrowing heaven 

The terrorists have invaded...

Step down. 

Impeach Him

Step Down. 

The only glory He deserves...

Is another thorny crown. 

Monday, October 21, 2013


"I don't believe in death....


-Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes

Way before she entered a room, she made herself known. You heard her coming. Her speaking voice, was so distinct and full of liberated confidence that it alone effected everyone around her. She was a vivacious beauty whose poetry was often mistaken for trivial rap verses, but to the true fans who really heard her, she was a lyrical genius. 
The Philadelphia native grew to super stardom with Atlanta natives, Tionne "T BOZ" Watkins and Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas, who together formed the innovative pop group, TLC. 
For many including myself, it was Lopes who made the group what it was. It was she who was the final star on top of the Christmas tree. That tree, stood out like none other in the wonderland which often shines bright but is rare to give true joy. The music industry can be as cold as a winter wonderland, but outsiders would never know it, too mesmerized by the lights and the smiling singing victims roasting on an open fire.
Her rhymes were the icing on the cake and her outspoken, rebellious nature, gave the group the edge it needed. Lopes was the unapologetic speeding bullet which enabled the group to ascend the industry. It was she who came up with the names of their albums. The funny thing is, She was all of it: CRAZY, SEXY and COOL
But on April 25, 2002, on a beautiful hot day on a Hondurus roadway, the woman who was never "Too proud to beg" transformed into something bigger. 
The condom totting diva had plans to tell her own story. She'd signed with Suge Knight while fighting tooth and nail with the other members of TLC over creative issues. She had plans to go solo and she refused to settle for anything less than what TLC afforded her. What was "LEFT-EYE" after? Who did she want the world to see? 
She had changed her name to "N.I.N.A." and unveiled a more spiritual, cool calm and collected side of herself which was always there but often overshadowed by her antics. 
Left-Eye became"N.I.N.A." posed with Suge Knight, and her new team

I think it is clear, the multifaceted woman who often discussed the meaning of life and who could burn an entire house down in the midst of rage was meant for greatness. Greatness is what she achieved just by the lives she changed with her messages, but more greatness was to be had in the unveiling of her solo stage. I think she would have continued to fight for her creative independence. I think she would have continued to fight for distribution in the United States and I think she would have continued to WIN all of the battles she waged. 
The image of her with Donnell Jones in his video for "You know what's up" flashes in my head. She cat-walked down a hallway and spit rhymes that would send all the male rappers back into the studio. You had to rewind the track, because you didn't get it the first time. The woman could roll heads with her double meanings. The video was hot because SHE was in it. The song was on the radio because SHE was in it. She looked sexier than she did in the Red Light Special video. It was a preview to what she could do without TLC. If she survived, Nicki Minaj would never have become a "FIVE STAR CHICK" and "N.I.N.A." would have no parts in the gimmicks. 
Had Lisa awoken on April 26, 2002, more lives would continue to be changed with her humanitarian work. While scoring Grammys, she'd perform with Madonna on the Super Bowl and eventually would have starred in several movies. I envision a "playtime-is-over-diva" on a movement of self-awareness. I see her having her own change your life talk show, rivaling the entire Oprah network. 
I see millions at arenas around the world, believing in themselves even more, because after all, dreams are hopeless aspirations, in hopes of coming true. Believe in yourself, the rest is up to me and you. 
Quiet as it's kept, I also see a fearless woman whose witnessed miracles of God. I see an introspective woman who unleashes her knowledge of natural cures to the world. I see her leading scores of people to happiness and health. And I see her dragging T Boz's stubborn ass down to the jungle. Lisa was a woman who didn't believe the lies and would never recite lines. She was a woman who could do without the glory, if she could gain freedom instead. She lead people to truth. She showed us all a mirror and commanded us to look deeper. If she were alive, she'd keep digging for truth and beauty. She would hand out the shovels, because she didn't believe she had to do it alone. 

"It's hard to say what I want my legacy to be when I'm long gone....

I want people to remember me as a full on entertainer and a good person." 


She had a quiet strength. It was as if a humming bird landed on your shoulder and completely changed your life. There was a mystery to her. There was depth to her. There was a wisdom beyond years. After all, "Age aint nothing but a number" right?
The Brooklyn, New York native, Aaliyah Dana Haughton, was that superstar who you didn't see coming. She'd sit back at auditions while the others were obnoxious and loud with their talents. The Capricorn in her, wouldn't allow people to get the best of her. She couldn't let them know what she was to become. She liked to mystify them while rising beyond their occasion. She was born a star and she knew it. 
One look into her eyes and you nearly left earth. As the wind caught her long black hair, the boys would stare and shake in their boots. She didn't flaunt it, she just WAS it. She could wear baggy jeans and be the sexiest woman in the room. She was an American sweetheart, the kind of girl teenage boys wanted to bring home to mama. She was like none other. She was a one in a million. 

As she arched her eyebrow in her music videos and sang over heavy beats, the thugs on the streets had to catch themselves as they tried to play it off. Yea, we heard you singing her lyrics, we saw you bobbing your head and it's ok. Aaliyah was that kind of artist and that kind of woman. In fact, she was more than a woman, she was a FORCE. She wasn't all about rainbows and glitter, she was no Mariah Carey. She wanted to hang with the boys, she wanted to challenge his "GIRL" because if she only knew....She wasn't afraid to rock the boat nor was she afraid to fall into the water. She was cute but she wasn't about to change into a miniskirt for anyone. She was fine on the hood of a car, chillin with her shades on because the moon was just too bright. It was cramping her style. 

The woman with the snake around her waist had big plans. After winning an MTV Video Music Award, she headed back to Austrailia to be a Queen of the Damned. But she wasn't finished there, she wanted to take her music to the next level. She was in talks to do a ROCK soundtrack to the film. She wanted to sing over an electric guitar, she wanted to move across the genres of the industry because she was such a WORLDLY person. She was to play a video dancer in the film HONEY. She was to be the new SPARKLE and did I mention a starring role in THE MATRIX? This was a woman who could record a soundtrack, plan an album while shooting videos for her current album, fly across the world to film a movie while in pre-production for two other films. Are you telling me that any these women today would have stood a chance if she didn't board that plane? She would have given Beyonce a run for her money. 
Haughton on the set of The Matrix as "Zee"

On August 25, 2001, she wrapped up the video for ROCK THE BOAT in the beautiful Bahamas. She was tired and homesick. She was in the middle of a busy schedule. She napped in between takes. She was excited for her new more sensual style and really excited for this tropical female-empowering video. It was time to go back to the states. As she and her crew boarded the plane, they were informed that they had too much stuff. But they boarded anyway. Ms. Haughton had appointments, interviews, recording sessions, meetings and more shit planned, she couldn't wait, she had to get on the plane. They insisted. 

An exhausted twenty-two year old singer, sat in her seat near the middle of the plane. She looked out of her window as the plane rose above the tree tops. Then came the unexpected. Then came the heat. Then came the darkness. And the news reports filtered into the states. I received the news through an instant message. 
I screamed and my irritated parents woke up. 

On the set of Queen of the Damned
She would have collaborated with music artists from many genres. She would have given Angelina Jolie competition for movie roles, as a sexy villainous movie star. Her mystique would have captured the world and she would have received an academy award. She would have cut her hair and Twitter would have gone crazy. Some would love it, others would hate it. There would never have been any need for Ashanti and the Queen would have worked to eliminate AIDS, feed the starving and lots more around the world. 

She would have been bigger than Beyonce. She wouldn't have been placed in films because of her looks or because of her name, she would have booked movie roles because of her talent. She was headed for super stardom, she was closer to her dreams because she was finally beginning to create the image she wanted for herself. Finally, she was beginning to cross all borders. Finally she was starting to become that FULL ENTERTAINER. But what she is most known for is being something like an angel, you know, a "good person." 

Tuesday, October 8, 2013


 As Drake channels his inner Marilyn Monroe....

As Lil Wayne rocks leopard print tights while posing like a little tea pot...

While Kanye wears women's blouses and hangs with the Queens of fashion week...

Hip Hop remains silent on gay rights.

After all, it's an equal opportunity employer, as long as you claim you're sugar free.

No OUT  homosexuals allowed in the wild. 

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of FEM straight men out there. I do not equate mannerisms or style of dress to sexual preference, but let's keep it real, there are plenty more where MR. CEE came from. 
My issue is the seemingly homophobic nature of an industry that has constantly forced it's stars to parade women around, demean them and never openly support gay rights. The consistent message remains that REAL MEN fuck bitches and get money. There's nothing wrong with that, but given the fact that there is a large gay population behind the microphones and in the audiences, there needs to be a more well rounded message. Look at how A$AP ROCKY behaved next to Jason Collins on the BET AWARDS. He was just following the example set before him, that real men in HIP HOP shy away from gay, while rocking a perm and giving fresh face to the world. *Not implying he's gay, just a lil humor, gay doesn't equate to permed hair. I.E. Prince, the straightest man alive

Sure Jay Z has spoken out in support of gay rights along with Kanye. Sure whats-his-face, Frank Ocean came out and said he was bisexual, but the ocean never flowed to any gay prides. And do you really think that Frank would ever have a song in the TOP 10 about loving another man? Do you ever think that he would have my skinny gay ass backing it up on him in one of his videos? I would love to be a video hoe, but honestly, the industry execs are not ready for that. The funny thing is, the WORLD, has BEEN ready.

Suge knight claims that 95% of the Hip Hop industry is gay and I believe him. I've been told by insiders about a few notorious rappers. MANSION PARTIES. But I won't name names and this is not about that. This is about the continuance of don't ask don't tell in a music genre which has more divas than an Oprah Legend's Ball. 

When I was a kid, I wondered if Sisqo of Dru Hill was gay. Sure he had neon hair and did back flips on a beach while singing about thongs, but that didn't mean he was gay. 
And as the rumors mounted, he became more masculine and soon he was in a video with MR. TESTOSTERONE HIMSELF, DMX. Shirtless, muscled up and asking bitches "What they really want from a nigga..." 
I knew at that early age that something just wasn't organic about it. I knew from those around me growing up in Randallstown, Maryland, the same place Sisqo is from, that he was gay. That didn't matter to me, being a gay adolescent myself. What did bother me, was that I loved HIP HOP and R&B, yet there was no one to represent me. No lyrics which made me feel like I could relate. So I often turned up Lil Kim in my headphones while my door was closed. (Hoping my preacher father wouldn't walk in on me) I looked in the mirror and told my imaginary concert audience that I used to be scared of the dick but now I throw licks to the shit and simply handle it like a real bitch. Lil Kim taught me that I didn't need to be afraid of that dick. I digress....I'm so sorry. You know I can't stay on topic...

I often ran across those who I thought were like me such as TEVIN CAMPBELL; but they soon disappeared after gay rumors, while others turned to MACHO personas that ended in obscurity. 

And of course this all has to do with the Black culture. The need to fulfill a status quo that was strategically introduced by the White establishment who signed the checks and cashed the souls. The protocol of hugging the block. The image of sagging pants and dominating women. The lifestyle of baby's mamas, hoes and Bling. The need to appease the Pastor because gay is an abomination. The ideal that a real Black man works hard but not legally, is super masculine and never has a moment of being soft. The social norms that a Black man who speaks proper English is a sell-out and think he's White. The music industry takes its cue from our culture and reintroduces the notion that a Black man is not multifaceted. A Black man never lays down with another Black man. Subliminal lies from Black media that a gay Black man is never masculine....continue to transmit.
Which I know is a lie since I have walked back to my car in the early morning on many occasions from the homes of Basketball stars, Husbands and hard bodied construction workers...

Frankly, PUN INTENDED, it is time for the industry to put a Black man on the stage who is masculine and is all about fucking niggas and getting money. 
It is time for me to be the modern day Sisqo, as I sing on a rappers record about what you really want from a nigga while Ace Hood holds my waist and my shirt blows in the wind. (I WISH, HE'S AS STRAIGHT AS THEY COME)

Let's get serious. I see an absence of truth. It is so glaring that Suge Knight, DMX and Kanye have spoken about it. 

What is true, is that gays count for a large portion of the profits from the sales of records and concert tickets. Why can't some of these artists come out? And why, Dear God why, Can't male rappers rap about niggas in the same way that Nicki Minaj raps about stealing Cassie from Diddy?
So it's ok for a woman to be down for the get down but not ok for Diddy to come on out and admit that he and #!@$* had an ongoing sexual relationship? 
Double standard indeed. Women need to be upset about this in my opinion. The entire industry is there for the objectification of women. It's there to feed the egos of the man. Nicki may think she's broken down doors but all she's doing is setting the stage for MORE WHORES. 
Homosexual men have had no issue dancing at the club to Notorious B.I.G. We've rapped along with him in our cars to "GET MONEY" So why can't heterosexual male HIP HOP lovers rock to a song by Frank Ocean about fucking niggas? Straight women don't seem to have an issue with popping their ass to the idea of Nicki licking Cassie's twat. 

We are under-represented, misrepresented and often times used as the worst insult a rapper can lodge against another rapper.

Constantly rappers accuse other rappers of being "Faggots" They claim it's the worst thing a "nigga" can call another "nigga" in the hood. The accusation supposedly will totally emasculate them. But not all gays are sissies and there's nothing wrong with being gay. There's nothing non-manly about a sexuality. And not all rappers are really gay, but the idea that the word "Faggot" is still used as an insult in rap music should be enough to get marches in front of record companies. But the streets are silent. The streets only holler when Trayvon gets killed and Al Sharpton's hair glistens on CNN. All Black people for the most part can say is that GAY and unequal is not a civil rights issue. It is a hard, awkward and strange place to be in America if you are a gay Black male.
You listen to music which never represents your motivations, you belong to a group of people who have historically been oppressed but who don't come to your aid when the world sees you as not marketable, a disgrace and an abomination. 
Black teen gay bashed

You wonder, there has to be someone out there who is gay and who can rap. Then you find such people on YouTube and you wonder why they aren't on a couch on BET. You wonder why B. Scott couldn't dress as the woman she is and you wonder how on earth this can be when Kanye West wears women's clothes???
You laugh at the reality that most of the gay men you see at a gay club are more masculine than the divas on the 106 and Park video countdown. Jason Collins does a free throw while Drake sings a cover of a TLC ballad....
Hard Core openly Gay rapper Lil B was rising in status until he came out

So why can't more gay artists rise to the forefront in HIP HOP? Is it all about Bentleys, chains and fucking bitches? Didn't the genre begin as a political movement? Remember the days of PUBLIC ENEMY?
Well now Professor Griff is sitting around bashing homosexuals and calling today's rap artists faggots. 
I am not lying, go to his YouTube channel. So you fought for equality in the eighties and now you are against equality in the new century? BACKWARDS. 
Equality should be for everyone. 

Yes there are gay men in the music industry but I never imply it is a negative thing. I am more upset at the fact that if they were to come out, the LABELS would surely end their contracts, while most of the world celebrated their bravery in coming out. 
Because after all, the establishment wants the Black man to be confused. It wants the Black man to indefinitely suffer from an identity crises. Be against the LGBT community as a straight man but dress like a woman. Sing like a woman with macho goons behind you. Be about equality, fight for Trayvon but fight against Tevin. Support Obama who supports gay rights, while shying away from the gay issue because THEY told you that the gays hurt the feelings of Jesus Christ. As a Black man, have no agenda at all. Have a million man march while White men sign your checks and you support the one dimensional image of the Black man on TV. Remain silent when your BLACK brothers are brutalized in hate crimes against gays. Exclude them from a civil rights movement promoted by you while including them in the numbers of your records sales. Yes the Black man is divided, confused and brainwashed. 
The gay Black man doesn't even know that they can start their own movement and their numbers are HUGE. 

Kanye West:

"People are so gay-conscious now," he told MTV, referring to those who are "scared" of gay people, or of being perceived as gay. "That's like the whole thing like with the internet – every day [is like], 'Oh I can tell he gay now!' But back in the day, people used to have songs like Get In That Ass or something like that. Someone would never make a song like that [today] because they'd be like 'Whoa! I can't make no song like that! People gonna call me gay!'"
West was responding to 50 Cent and other rappers who called him a "faggot" for his fashion sense. The industry, run by the establishment, commands rappers like 50 Cent to call Kanye a faggot and put that message out there that GAY IS BAD FOR A BLACK MAN. But for some reason, there have been plenty of White superstars who are gay and supported by heterosexual White superstars. 
I don't think Kanye is gay but I do think it's fascinating that the industry promotes the image of a feminized Black man while claiming that gay is a negative thing. 

"Because stereotypically gay people got such good [style] ... they were smart enough to take a fresh-ass logo like the rainbow and say that it's gonna be theirs," he said, celebrating the beauty of the red-and-yellow-and-pink-and-blue. "I've been collecting all of the freshest stuff that's rainbows – Denver Nuggets jerseys, BAPE shoes, Nikes with rainbows on 'em – and saying, 'Man, I think as straight men we need to take the rainbow back because it's fresh.'"
"I mean how is that a gay thing? Colours? Having a lot of colours is gay?"
West used to be scared of gay people, he said, but now, "authentic" and "secure in [his] manhood", he can "go to Paris [and] have conversations with people who are blatantly gay".

Kanye is a hero in my opinion. I agree with him completely. But sadly he's also an asshole. So his words are overshadowed by Taylor Swift, Bush hates Black people and fights with the paparazzi who are only trying to feed their families by photographing a man who has ALWAYS been a media whore anyway. Digress...
It's interesting how the establishment tried to ruin his career after he tried to change the status quo of a one trick pony of a Black man in Hip Hop. 
He accused colorful Kanye of being gay while ignoring the MASCULINE downlow rapper he SIGNED

As we enter 2014, it is time that the Hip Hop industry grow a pair of new age balls. Wake up and smell the diversity. Hip Hop has been caught driving around Atlanta looking for boys in panties, Hip Hop has been caught with it's pants down with other male rappers, Hip Hop has said it's bisexual but it wasn't allowed to speak beyond that and it continued to rap about women. 
It is about that time, where we are apart of the conversation in a way that is not just about rainbows. We have stories too. We sound good over the bass too; we flex muscles, shoot guns and go hard. We can also rap eloquently about politics...we can do it all. We refuse to be a punch line. We refuse to be a rumor. We refuse to be the back alley....

We deserve the cover of SOURCE. Because after all, we are the source. We were there from day one.