EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA CAST

Only days after a violent fight between Kenya Moore and Porsha Williams on the set of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion, I caught up with the ladies to get the 411. More fights erupted and tea was definitely spilled. I'm Isayaah Parker, who needs Andy Cohen when I can reunite a fight! 

Porsha and Kenya did show up for the interview. They tried to keep their distance 

Isayaah: Ladies, let me just say that you all look amazing. I am so honored that you would sit down with me after sitting with your pimp Andy Cohen.

NeNe: Excuse me? I didn't come here to be insulted...I may have been a stripper, but I never was, am not and never will be, a HOE!

Kenya: Oh really? That's interesting. Didn't you have sex with that white man for red bottoms?

NeNe: Bitch I am very RICH! I AM VERY RICH BITCH! I didn't get this rich from having sex with ANY man of any race! Maybe YOU should find a John, then you could at least pay your rent on time and not be evicted. I hear Sheree has a place you can stay. A nice cozy pile of sticks!

Isayaah: LADIES! LADIES! We haven't even begun the interview and you are already fighting! I apologize for the rude comment. It was my attempt at shady humor. It just seems like Andy makes a lot of money off of dysfunctional women.

Phaedra: Dysfunctional? Weren't you on American Idol acting a dysfunctional mess for the pimps at FOX?

Isayaah: And while I was doing that, weren't you engaging in insurance fraud with your business partners and pawns, Apollo and Angela?

Apollo storms in: This is not happening! Shut this shit down! You are making acuras about me and my wife! You keep talking, I will beat you like I did that other faggot Brandon!

Isayaah: It's "Accusations" not Acuras. Acuras would be cars, you know, the things you stole and chopped up with your boss Phaedra.

*COMMERCIAL BREAK*

Isayaah: Welcome back to my exclusive interview with the cast of the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Unfortunately, Apollo tried to hit me and didn't expect for me to be able to throw hands. I have since knocked the dog shit out of him, (among other things) and he is on his way to the emergency room. Kenya, you look breath taking, who are you wearing?

YOU GOT THE WRONG NIGGA ISAYAAH!!!! THAT WAS BENZINO! I KNOW THEY BOTH YELLOW BUT DAMN!

Kenya: Why thank you kind sir! And I must also thank you for giving Apollo what he deserves! Brandon was gracious not to press charges! Oh, I am wearing Valentino.

NeNe: Lies of the broke and famous. Bitch you sitting up in here in a Rainbow club dress.

Kenya: That's funny, because you are sitting up in here with Mr. Ed's teeth and Mr. Potato Head's nose.

THEY'RE DONE!!!

Porsha: Funny how you should mention body parts, because it looks like....

Kenya: *Opens fan* Why is she talking? I thought I put her to bed hours ago.

Isayaah: Ok Porsha and Kenya, Yall don't want to fight again do you? Porsha, I heard Bravo fired you for snatching up Kenya's hair at the reunion. Is this true?

Kenya: No the hell it is not! She grabbed at my hair so I slapped the dog shit out of her. I didn't send for you, and I made sure you regretted coming for me.

Porsha: Is that why you have that big bald spot? Is that why your eye is still swollen? You look like Sunday from Basketball Wives. Should I do the other eye to even it out?

Sunday feels Kenya's pain

Isayaah: It seemed like yall made up in Mexico, why is there still tension?

Porsha: Because she can't mind her own business, probably because she doesn't have any business of her own. Not a check in the bank nor a man in the bedroom. Worried about my marriage, she needs to be worried about her sanity. There is no African prince, it's all in your head!

The African Prince revealed: Being held hostage

Kenya: At least I have something in my head! There's nothing in yours. You should be ashamed every time you open your mouth. Talking about the underground railroad like it's Amtrak. She's not even worth an argument. Her stupidity is insulting. *opens fan*

THE ORIGINAL UNDERGROUND RAILROAD TRAIN HAS BEEN DISCOVERED BY ARCHAEOLOGISTS!

Isayaah: Porsha, I do have to say that I was appalled by the underground railroad comment. There really isn't any excuse for that. Have you studied up on Black history since that episode aired?

Porsha: I am done talking about that comment I made. I feel as though I have explained it to death. NEXT QUESTION.

Isayaah: I am sorry, do I look like Andy Cohen to you? I will not be dismissed on my own show, you can leave.

Kenya: Have a nice day Porsha. I hear Lambchop needs an understudy.

Isayaah: Phaedra, you have been awfully quiet, your man tried to kill me and you just sat there humming a negro spiritual. Bygones. Are you still upset with Kenya? Do you really think Kenya wants to sleep with Apollo?

Phaedra: I think Kenya needs a check. She will do whatever it takes to get rich and famous. The famous part happened, the rich part went in the other direction. Unfortunately, she is using me to get a storyline, to get camera time. She can't be known for her own accomplishments, she has nothing going on, so she needed to attach herself to me and my man. A man. Something that has ran away from her ever since she was conceived.

Kenya visits Africa and comes across a specimen she finds interesting

Kenya: A man. Something you manipulated to do your dirty work.

Phaedra: A man, something you paid to pretend that he was your boyfriend for a reality show.

Kenya: A fuck. Something I do not give.

NeNe: A drink, something I need.

Isayaah: A question, something which was not answered. Phaedra, do you really think Kenya wants Apollo?

Phaedra: What heterosexual woman doesn't want to have sex with my husband? He's fine. But most women would keep those thoughts to themselves and surely wouldn't act on those thoughts. She put her paws on my man in Anguilla, the proof is in the pudding.

Isayaah: Kenya, I have a question for you. Do you work? I mean you said before that you have a multi- million dollar production company, yet we never see you producing anything. We only see you running around with baby dolls and twirling while the other women go to jobs. Even Porsha is in Kandi's play, but she had an excuse, her man was filthy rich. Oh I did see you produce something, the work out video...

Phaedra: Something which I thought of first. She can't even produce a work out video on her own. She doesn't work. She just worries herself over my fabulous lifestyle and collects chump change from Bravo. If she had a mutli-million dollar company, she wouldn't have been evicted. Next question?

Kenya: You are an evil woman Phaedra, that's why your precious husband is divorcing you. I'm not sure what is worse for Apollo, prison, or living with your controlling donkey ass. And I'm not worried about you! You are worried about me! Always clocking your man and wondering if he is checking up on me! Why? Because you wish you could look like me. I'm sure he closes his eyes while fucking you and thinks of me. Is that my fault? NO. And yes Isayaah, I do work. My production company takes in millions.

Isayaah: What was the last project you worked on?

Kenya: *Silence*

Phaedra: I could have sworn that he asked her a question...

Isayaah: So NeNe and Marlo, you two used to be great friends, so sad to see it end like this. NeNe, did you take issue with Marlo hanging out with Kenya?

NeNe: I am not talking about Marlo.

Marlo crashes the interview

Marlo: But the rest of us are, because Marlo is here honey! So I'm an opportunist huh? So you're mad about me and Kenya being friends? So high school. Weren't you an opportunist when you approached Gregg in a g-string while he threw some one's on it? And don't get it twisted, my mug shots were for beating bitches down, so you ran away from me. Your mug shots were for stealing and that's why you stole my style! Bitch you don't want none of me! You're a criminal like me acting like you are better than me. Stealing shit just like your college drop out son.

NeNe: THIS BITCH DONE HIT BELOW THE BELT!

Marlo: Below the belt, ironic statement coming from you. That's where all of your worth is. And you did fuck that white man for red bottoms.

Kandi: Wait a minute, should you be the one talking about fucking for red bottoms? All those old White men you have slept with?

Marlo: Oh Kandi you want to fight me again? You still mad? Maybe you need an old White man to spend money on you instead of you being a sugar mama to Todd!

Isayaah: Kandi, I was just about to ask you, is mama Joyce coming to the wedding?

Kandi: She came around. She and Todd talked and though there are still issues, she's learning how to keep her distance when it comes to my relationship.

Mama Joyce: I'll keep my distance, however.......

Isayaah: That's great to hear! I thought maybe mama Joyce needed a hobby. Maybe a sewing class or Friday night Bingo. I'm lying, I thought your mama needed a man of her own. I hear John Witherspoon is single.

Cynthia: That is hilarious!

Kandi: Oh is it funny Cynthia? It's also funny that you are such a door mat, that Peter's dreams can have you handing out money like Magic City.

Cynthia poses with two gorgeous pots of daisies.

Cynthia: I should have let my sister beat your motha-fucking ass bitch!

Kandi: As if that bitch could touch me! Welcome home Cynthia! Door mat ass bitch! Your homeless loser sister uses you for a place to live, your husband uses you as a loan officer but pays you back with dusty old man dick, and you're so far up NeNe's menopausal pussy, that she can call your man a bitch and you don't even raise an eyebrow!

NeNe: Kandi, what I tell you about your ignorance. Just because I am forty five, doesn't mean I am menopausal. I can have a baby right now! I can show you my bloody tampon right now! Who wants to see my bloody tampon?!

Kandi: Aint nobody checking your panties hoe.

Sheree: Who gon' check her boo?!

Isayaah: Where the hell did you come from Sheree?

Todd: NeNe, I can't keep allowing you to call my lady ignorant.

NeNe: That's enough of the lolly pop guild. I have a hair appointment in Emerald City.

Todd: You are very mean NeNe! My lady has done nothing to you, what is the big deal about what she said about your cycle?! You can dish it but can't take it. Peter gave you a small piece of criticism and you flipped out, called him a bitch and my lady, my lady, made a harmless comment and you....

Isayaah: NeNe I have to say that it did seem, no pun intended, SMALL of you to get so upset over Kandi's comment about your cycle. I don't think it is ignorant at all for someone to wonder if a woman over forty still has her period. It is not ignorant if the truth is that women do go through menopause during that time. Do you still think Kandi is ignorant?

NeNe: None of these bitches are on my level. I have arrived and Kandi is just jealous.

Kandi: Right, I am jealous. I've had platinum records. I can't even entertain this made for TV foolishness.

Isayaah: NeNe, I am glad that you have made up with Cynthia and Peter. But I have to ask, are your friends not allowed to criticize you?

Kenya: They aren't allowed to criticize. Her friends are expected to co-sign her bullshit. Her ego is huge but her career is nonexistent.

NeNe: To answer your question Isayaah, No I do not expect my friends to cosign all of my actions but Peter was always up in women's business. He knew that ball was some bullshit and that I didn't even want to be there.

Kenya: So charity is bullshit? Right NeNe.

NeNe: Lil girl, your entire life is bullshit. The doll baby, the paid escort named Walter, and the...Oh shit! This bitch came back!

Isayaah: Porsha, put the gun down! It's just a TV show, it's not real. Porsha! Noooo!

Kenya: OH HELL NAW! PLEASE DON'T PORSHA! I'M SORRY! You were never a beard! You are so intelligent! You have an amazing singing voice! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!
SECURITY!!!! SECURITY!!!! SECURITY!!!!

Porsha: Yea bitch! Hide under your chair! I'm going to kill you heffa! I brought the coochie crack girl with me!

Kenya: Noooo! I can still see her coochie crack!!!

Isayaah: Everyone down! Call 911! Someone call 911! Fuck I still had more shade to throw!

 Two Hours Later

Coochie Crack woman arrested after pistol whooping Kenya Moore. Porsha remains at large. 

HOW TO WHORE FOR HOLLYWOOD

WHORES OF HOLLYWOOD

I HIT IT FIRST....Where's my check?!

Are you not satisfied with the occasional glorifying comment on Instagram? Have you been jealous of your friends as they rudely text other people at dinner while your phone never rings, chirps or dings? Do you feel invisible and want to finally be noticed? Dare to be rich and famous? Seems you want fame for the wrong reasons. Or you want it for the right reasons...Maybe you are uber talented and want to share your gift with the world, well mere talent isn't enough. What does it take to make it big in Hollywood?  

THIS...

Lose all of your sense of individuality. The truth is, being famous has nothing to do with you. The most famous people in the world are not famous at all. No one knows who they really are. They are products, ideas, caricatures and nowadays, they don't even need to be talented. They exist like mannequins in a department store, there to advertise for the bigger company. They are mindless zombies. This is who you are to become. You're not expected to speak liberally. Your publicist will do the talking, through your programmed mouth.

Aint that ironic?

Allow for the creepy smiling people to take full control. This means you will have to ask permission to put your hair in a pony tail today. It also means that your personality is to be so exaggerated, that you forget what your real personality is at all. You want to be a huge star huh? Are you really ready for your big break? Prepare to be taken away from your family and lured into a life of materialism. Where cars replace a warm embrace and the people who come around you always want something, anything but a deep conversation devoid of ulterior motives. 

Welcome to brights lights and lonely nights. If you want to go all the way with this, then you need to understand, that it's all or nothing. There is no Devil to sell your soul to, but there is an establishment. If you're Black, you more than likely will need to White wash if you want those "Trump Checks." As NeNe Leakes said, "White is right." Do the nose, get the bleach, wear the wig. If you're Will Smith, play it safe and never upset the White people. Follow these examples, because Kanye pissed those White folks off and now he is falling, just like his song, All Falls Down. 

Be quiet! Let us speak for you.

How dare you have your own mind? You didn't play the game, now you're out of the running

Fame is something like America's Next Top Model. They are told to shut up and be marketable. If they go against the judges, the puppet masters, they will be eliminated. Killed? Think about the opening song, "So you want to be on top?" Think about how they mold those young naive girls into what they believe is most marketable. Think about them, no real identity. They are just a contestant in a race to be the next top celebrity who will only be there momentarily. Because someone will sure take their place, earlier if they act up. So you want to be on top? You better be prepared to give up your essence. You better be ready to work damn near to death while you lose your mind and forget your soul. 

BE GAY FOR PAY

Boy Bands and pedophilia in the industry.....GAY PAYS

You will see things their way, if you're going to be a sex symbol, they will most certainly want to sample the goods and if you reject, there are many more standing in the line you just waited in. Your dating life will be staged, your belief system corrupted but your bank account will grow. Your birthday party will be televised while your mother watches from home, with tears in her eyes, wondering if you got her card. 

You'll start to miss her, but there will be too many departing flights to remember what's wrong or right. 

Take off your clothes, give them your body, give everything to them. Join the party, start dancing, you won't even realize that you're not even dancing, they are moving your body for you. You will look up, to see people pulling strings. You will see yourself in an interview and wonder who that person is.

It'll be like someone else is famous and you are getting all of the credit for it. 

But hey, this is your dream right. I don't want to be a party pooper. 

Here are a couple of examples of the biggest whores in Hollywood. If you do what they did, then you have a pretty good chance of making it. 

KIMYE

Case Study

Whore makes history by making VOGUE cover

"Well.... I guess I'm cancelling my Vogue subscription. Who is with me???" -Actress, Sarah Michelle Gellar

Whores can now appear on the most coveted cover known to the gay man

On the Vogue Cover: Gia Carangi, April 1979

Vogue has pissed White people the hell off! It's name is synonymous with high fashion, as it has always been the top fashion magazine in the world. Any anorexic self loathing model who has graced it's cover, has earned the right to be there. However, it has also featured the unconventional, such as Lena Dunham and Michelle Obama. Whether it be Beverly Johnson, Gia Carangi or Kate Upton, it's look has helped to diversify an industry. It is just sad to me, that the days of glamour are gone. You know, when supermodels existed and major fashion magazines actually used working models for their covers. Gone are the glory days, when celebrities were mystifying, left their private lives to the imagination and magazine covers featured those who worked their asses off to get there. Gone are the days, when beauty was more than botox and stars were famous for a reason.

It seems that in 2014, to be mainstream, all you need is a dick to suck, a camera, and Ryan Seacrest. F.Y.I. It doesn't have to be an A list dick, nor a B list. I agree with Sarah Michelle Gellar, I am canceling my subscription to Vogue!!! Wait, I don't have a subscription to Vogue. So why the fuck do I care if she's on the cover? Oh I remember, PRINCIPLE.

Kim belongs on King magazine, not the cover of Vogue. Kris, the evil mother, has sold her cash cows at the auction block. I'm sure Kim will send her daughter North in every cardinal direction for the sake of the dynasty. This is why a Ralph's supermarket frozen foods section bimbo has made it in Hollywood. I am not a hater, so this will not be devoid of any praise to Kim. I commend her for being able to turn a negative, embarrassing sex tape, into a multi-million dollar career for herself. Her slutty mouth is responsible for countless people being able to feed their families. Her whoredom has gainfully employed lots of people! 

Except me! Where's my cut? Fuck these bitches!

But us regular Americans who are no where near Hollywood, are quite sick of Kim, Kimye and the Kardashian tribe of attention whores. Sometimes I wonder if these people are actually popular, or just being FORCED on to people.

BE AN OPPORTUNIST

Kim the opportunist has sucked more Black celebrity dick than Superhead and she finally met her match. Kanye, incorporated her into Kimye. The merger of their two brands, (This is how the Hollywood egoist elite think, love isn't a factor) became a celebration of the talentless art of overexposed narcissism. If you want to be a FORCE and not just a sound bite on Entertainment Tonight, then be an opportunist and BUILD UP your affiliations and partnerships. Look at marriage for what it really is, a business opportunity. All the greats did it, Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Taylor, Marilyn Monroe and now HER.

Kimye has made the top of my list of top earning Hollywood whores because they have sold themselves as well as their daughter. LITERALLY. (Sold photos of their GPS enabled daughter for millions)

I really just wish Kimye would fuck on that motorcycle, keep the cameras off and ride into the sunset, never to be seen again. I used to think Kanye was talented when he came out, but I soon realized it was an illusion. He was forced onto me as this conscious talented rapper who was actually brain dead. Instead of the rebel he dressed himself up as, he was apart of the problem of the establishment that he pretended to be against in his music. He created a brand which essentially is the act of brainwashing people into thinking they know who you are and what you stand for. But essentially, it's all smoke and mirrors. 

BE OPEN TO HUMILIATION

When Kanye married the biggest whore since Cleopatra, I asked God to give him herpes of the eyeball. I already hated Tyler Perry, but when he put this whore in his movie, I wanted to throw a pan of grits in his face. This was a woman who got married just for a television network to pay her a million bucks for a special, and you cast her as a marriage counselor in your film? Kimye doesn't care about their reputation, they will interrupt speeches or use blood as a skin creme. Just like Marilyn was willing to let her dress fly up, you must be willing to do whatever humiliating act they want you to partake in. They reward you when you prove you're loyal and trusting. Basically they reward you when you let them control you.

Final Kimye shade, I can't help it...

LUPITA NYONG'O needs to be on Vogue, Kimye needs to be at the Family Dollar shopping for paper plates. Being on the cover of Vogue has been a lifelong dream of Kim and I applaud her for her efforts. The thought of all that Black dick being lodged down her throat...Who says hard work doesn't pay off?! 

Now I am just waiting for the Kimye sex tape to leak.........................................................................

RIHANNA

Rihanna and fuck buddy Matt Kemp

BE AN INDUSTRY HOE

Rihanna has done the dutty wine on so much high yellow dick, that the centers for whore control have quarantined all light skin Black men, including Obama. From Chris Brown to Common; Matt Kemp to Drake; Dudley O'Shaughnessy to Ashton Kutcher (She went REALLY light skin with Ashton Kutcher) this hoe is about as loose as bowels after collard greens drenched in hot sauce. 

Whips and chains excite her and she wants you to suck her cockiness. This woman will sing about dick like it is paying the bills! Rumor has it that younger woman loving Jay Z put her on after he dicked her down. Kind of reminds me of Aaliyah and R. Kelly...but let's respect the dead. 

Anyway, Rihanna has no shame in her game, and that is quite attractive to me. I love her confidence and the way she can make the most dirtiest of subjects seem like harmless elevator talk. That woman has been yodeling and fucking her way to the top and there is no denying her status as a pop queen. 

Rihanna's main dick, Chris Brown

It's not like she has a Whitney Houston voice or can dance like Janet. It's not like her dutty wind is worthy of a wet tee shirt contest at a Caribbean festival in Fargo, North Dakota. What she has is ratchet pussy and an endless determination to dominate the charts. What she has are producers with their pants unzipped and a Rolodex full of pregnancy scares. The Barbadian bimbo has sold every ounce of whoever she was, to become a red carpet fashionista with stiletto nails and continuous number 1 singles. A true whore, will do whatever it takes, and Miss forehead, I mean, Rihanna, has DONE IT ALL. And I mean, DONE IT ALL...

I love me some Rihanna, if you're going to be a whore, flaunt it like it's Gucci and in season. She simply doesn't give a fuck as she rolls blunts on top of her bodyguards bald head and parades her men around like the court made her do community service. Come here rude boy!!! 

To make it in this industry, one has to give up their body and soul in the hope that Hollywood will leave the money and the rewards on the dresser. Sex, Drugs and Lucifer is the name of the game, and if you're not about at least one of these things, you'll be sent packing. Show them that you are willing to be controlled, possessed and used for their purposes, their agenda. It has nothing to do with you, even when they announce your name at the awards show. The illusion is that it is your ego that is being displayed when in actuality, it is theirs. So do all that applies to you, all that is expected of you, and remember, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR, BECAUSE YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT.