Saturday, July 8, 2017


The funny thing about loneliness, is that you don't have to be alone to feel it. I can't place the moment when I started forcing jokes and faking smiles. It seems to have always been this way; Simply existing. Painfully, I tolerate the presence of people and the absence of myself.
Sometimes I think that we are all lonely, but some just hide it better than others. The crazy part is, most of us aren't even aware that we are lonely. After some deep introspection, I have diagnosed myself and maybe you can as well. Here are FIVE ways to tell that you are lonely.

 Social Media Addiction

"A selfie a day keeps the tears away"  There's nothing wrong with it, we all do it. We find ourselves walking down the sidewalk and encounter the perfect lighting. We snap a selfie, we wait for the LIKES, we look to see WHO liked the photo and we hope there are positive comments. But how many is too many? Anything over one selfie a day in my opinion is a bit too much unless you're an "INSTAGRAM MODEL" getting paid for it. However, multiple selfie's a day in my eyes is equal to a desperate cry for HELP. Not just for attention, but a cry out to the universe that screams, "I EXIST! WHY IS NO ONE REALLY SEEING ME?" You can't possibly be content with how the world sees you if you have to force yourself on your followers every hour with a brand new selfie. Ask yourself, Why am I posting another photo instead of really EXPERIENCING my day? 

Why do we take selfies with our friends for the admiration of strangers? These random people on social media like our photos but they will never send us birthday cards. They will never be there with you eating ice cream in the middle of the night if your boyfriend breaks up with you. Why do we want their approval? We just want to perform, but we aren't truly connected. I recall going to bars and thinking to myself, at least I'll get a good photo from this. Yet it's all fake. I didn't have a blast at the bar, but by looking at my smiling filtered photo, you'd assume I was the life of the party. Who am I trying to impress? It seems I am only trying to convince myself. See, I went out, I was around other humans in a social environment, LOOK WORLD, I exist and I am smiling! But I can't convince myself of it, even though the likes keep chiming on my phone, I have no one to actually CALL.

Are you obsessively reaching out to others on social media sites? Do you constantly feel the need to comment on gossip sites, hoping others will interact with you? Do you troll just to see if you can affect the emotions of others? Does it make you feel alive, just by the acknowledgment of pure strangers? Are you spending hours every day online, snapping, chatting, uploading and tweeting? How much time do you spend in the real world, face-to-face with others or merely being happy with what the mirror told you?

I pull out my phone and take a selfie from the "GOOD" angle that guarantees likes. I just wish I could FEEL the likes.

Feeling Disconnected

You hate the Thanksgiving dinners because you never seem to get full. Not from the food, but from the people who are suppose to be family. You see, we fill ourselves with food instead of real conversations with family members. You see them once a year but you've never seen their tears. The cousins who have never seen you without a turkey involved. The aunts who arrive and hand you money, but they've never called you on an August afternoon just because.

There are so many ways we cover up loneliness with false abundance and false connections. Our entire culture is lonely, thus the creation of Thanksgiving. We aren't giving thanks, we are inventing a time of year that we can feel comforted by. However Calendars cannot cure loneliness. I've covered myself with so many distractions. It's like the more people that are around me, the lonelier I become. I want to tell fake people to shut the fuck up with their small talk. I haven't spoken to you since college, we didn't talk much then and now you are showing me photos of your babies. Why? It burns even more, when the mouths move but the hearts are frozen. People ask, "How are you?" but they're rushing away, not giving an actual fuck. But back to you, do you feel like everyone is an actor? Do you often feel that no matter what anyone says, they are just being polite? When you are around a group of people, do you feel like your mouth is moving but you aren't really present?

They say stop and smell the roses...
But what about stopping and smelling each others spirits? What about the humans? Roses can't speak. It is truly insufferable to walk into work only to feel like a piece of a program, instead of a piece of humanity. Co-workers talk to you, but they have to be there. You have to censor yourself, so that you don't communicate too realistically. You must always adjust your essence to a work environment of fraudulence. You are here to be a drone. You don't feel valued, not because you fear could be fired at any moment, but because your boss sees you as merely a worker bee. It seems you are always at work and always having to exist in this fake sphere of interaction. And we all carry it with us beyond work.  Do you work well with others? It's a commonly asked question on the job applications, but how can you work well with anyone whose not even being themselves? You aren't even being yourself. It's a performance, you are playing a role. You are escaping to the bathroom every chance you get. Yes you work well with others because you know how to read a script, but during lunch, you're in the handicap stall, balling your eyes out. It's just like junior high.


How did I become an adult yet I am still waiting on text messages to be answered? Like a melodramatic teenager wondering if my friends put me on the back burner, I like their photo hoping they'll remember I exist. I look at all of the happy friendships on Instagram and I wonder what they share that makes them so elated. I look at my unanswered texts and I feel like a loser. If only we could box our human connections up in pretty Valencia filtered Instagram posts. If they only felt as good as they look on social media. If only those same people in the photos smiling with you, actually show up when the party is over. Parties are fun, but only because you are drunk or eating or being fooled by dance music. Why did I come in the first place? Why am I overindulging on the food?
Though I am skinny, food has always been a drug for me. Hell we all know what comfort food is. It's hard to remember you're lonely when you are making love to a Five Guys burger. It's just food, yet we feel so bad about eating at a restaurant bar alone. We eat comfort food because humans aren't comforting us. We eat because we want to talk about the turkey, rather than pour into each other during Thanksgiving. We need a delicious distraction.

What if families sat around a table during the holidays, and that table didn't have food on it?
I remember going to a new high school after tenth grade. The horror of it all still sends fear up my spine. The quintessential moment of walking into a crowded cafeteria and knowing no one, well that applies to my entire adulthood. I walk into rooms full of people and I don't know where to sit. I don't know where I fit into any of it. Even when I mingle with a certain subset of people, somehow I feel that I'm just performing and not truly engaging. This is why we as humans often congregate around food, it's a way to overindulge to distract ourselves from the loneliness that people make us feel. Yes, that is correct, most people are MORE LONELY when you add more people to the equation. Or what if it's just two of you? And you're naked?

Well overindulging in sex is a clear sign of severe loneliness. Its more than just promiscuity, you desperately NEED to feel some kind of connection with another human. For me, Sex is all about feeling but often times the more sex, the lonelier and more unfulfilled I become. A warm body isn't always an easy answer to being alone. After I cum, I look around me wondering how I can extend that good feeling. After all, he's already putting his clothes on and returning to his stoic form of expression. It can become an endless cycle, like a drug addiction, Searching for more sex but never achieving that ultimate high, that ultimate connection.

Sex can be the closest you'll get to someone, or it can thrust you away from them. Sex can take you deep into someone, but it can also make you feel so far from them. What guys have done to my body has felt amazing, but most of the time, I wasn't even there. It's like I was watching my own porn. After it was over, I had to come back to earth and realize, "THAT'S NOT MY MAN" and I will probably never see him again.

Partying way too often

We combat loneliness in our own ways. I have stuffed animals, Apple Music, Grindr, a bar tab and coupons for Popeyes printing out right now. There were times in my early twenties that I couldn't stay out of a club or bar. I would flirt, drink and dance the night way and do it all again the next day. I wanted to feel connected to others, but I was just a blur in the strobe lights to others. The people I met wouldn't remember me the next day and the friends who I went out with just saw me as SOMEONE TO GO OUT WITH. A club buddy and nothing more. The only sober times we spent together were when we were waiting in line to get into the club.

There is nothing wrong with partying, I love to have a good time, but sometimes we have to take step back and wonder if it's too much too often. Maybe stay in and have a movie night instead of going to that crowded club of smelly people. You can pour your own drink the way you like it at home rather than a bartender who stiffs you on alcohol content. Do you feel that you always have to go out just because its the weekend? Does it usually not even fulfill you? You keep doing it anyway, because lil' Jon's "SHOTS" came on the radio and now you feel its Friday and its time to get wasted. But you'll get wasted and you'll be unable to feel any connections. If you go out all of the time, but never feel like you felt when you sat by a bonfire in middle school with friends, then its time for adjustments. If you are truly connected and content with the people in your life, then you don't ALWAYS have to go out just to be around strangers or mere associates. If your social life always involves being around multiples of people, then there's no way you are connected. You are lonely, because that's a crowd. And crowds cannot give you all of its attention.

Dating Indiscriminately 

The truth is, you don't NEED to date anyone, at least right now. You will continue to breathe if you go a few months or years without a relationship. However, the TV ads and movies have you wanting that cinematic romance. Or maybe even just someone to argue with and have make-up sex with. You crave someone, anyone in your bed and in your life. However when you find someone, they make you unhappy....EVERY. TIME. Why? 
Because you're only dating them for their existence. You have not done your homework on yourself to find out who is the best type of person for you. These men, these women are just available, so you take them up on their offer. You may have good sex, even great sex but there is no deep connection. You move on from that fling to another one and its the same thing. You are searching for someone to play a role and not for someone to love. What is the point of dating if there is no path toward love? Without a path you will continue to feel empty with every new body that enters your bedroom. You are addicted to someone calling you "BABY" rather than someone who can really make your heart skip a beat. The fact that he or she can kiss your neck isn't special, it feels just as good as if anyone else did it.  There is nothing wrong with dating, or even dating multiple people, but if you are someone who dates and gets in and out of relationships quickly, there's a problem. That problem is loneliness. The cure is not another person, the cure is yourself. You have to realize that the more of these "Dates" you bring into your life, the less fulfilled you will feel until you FOCUS. A person who is not lonely can go a while without searching for a date or craving a relationship. They can sit with themselves and let the universe do its work. You, my friend, know good and well that this individual isn't THE ONE, yet they are in your bathroom brushing their teeth. You hate how they leave the dental floss all over the sink and the only thing you have in common is a love for red wine and 90's sitcoms. Why are they there? They are only there because your subconscious needs this illusion of companionship. It's a fraud. You don't need to rush into dating, sit back and get to know yourself. You are less lonely when you are alone. It sounds strange, but if you are constantly needing to date new people, then maybe who is missing at the table, is YOU. 

Monday, February 29, 2016


What did yall expect?

Legendary Comfort Girl Chris Rock, hosted the White Oscars and took that opportunity to throw Black people under the bus.
In the midst of heightened controversy surrounding Hollywood's lack of diversity and the Academy's lack of fucks to give for people of color, Rock decided that the best position for him to take on a platform that reached millions, would be the position of "You're not a Kappa" Yes, Rock in typical fashion, secured his place in the establishment by tap dancing and smiling WIDE to an audience of pampered chosen people. If you were expecting him to take a stand and use that platform to preach the revolutionary gospel then you were sadly mistaken and quite frankly, you were not paying attention. 
White Hollywood darling Leonardo Dicaprio, star of "DJANGO" laughs with his house slave Stephen 

Rock, like many A listers in the entertainment industry, is a paid comfort girl, propped up to make White people comfortable. Occasionally the machine will allow for one of these Black comfort girls to raise a fist and feign a revolution but the puppet strings are never too far behind. The establishment has taken these serious issues of diversity, racism, police brutality, government mishandling of Black lives and so forth, and trivialized it. Put it into a catchy beat and under a SAFE blonde weave. They have taken the biggest Black comedian next to Kevin Hart and put him on a national stage to praise White people and shame the Blacks. These Blacks, his so-called people, were the punch line the entire night. 

Racism, whether it be "sorority" or "cross burning" racism is far too serious to have a punch line at all, especially when you stand on the very stage that racism permeates. These were his peers who dared to question the status quo of be a slave and the White man will give you his Oscar statue that is a rip off of our African ancestors in Kemet. These were his peers, Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith who sang his praises expecting for him to be the voice of the voiceless when instead he was the voice of the slavemaster. When Black people are rising up left and right, demanding better police forces, water systems, justice, diversity in media and entertainment, you sir, Mr. Rock, stand and discuss a Black woman's panties. This Black woman, RIHANNA, recently broke records with 14 number one singles to her career, but at the Oscars, she was just a pair of panties. As Leonardo Dicaprio laughed knowing he was one of those men to get into those panties. Jada Smith and Rihanna, you need to respond. 

It is time to clap back. I mean, why not PARIS HILTON'S Panties? Or here is something, how about we stop the misogyny and make jokes at White peoples expense. You know, the people who caused this issue to begin with. Black people did not cause this. Sure the OSCARS has always been racist, but so has many of our police forces. Are we not suppose to be upset at police brutality in 2016 because it has been happening since the 60s and even before that? The comparison to the 1960s should have opened your eyes to Chris Rock...

This is a Black man who stood up there and said that racism happened in the 1960's so why get upset about it now? As if to say, it has always been this way, just deal with it. I recall Black outrage over the Oscars over the years and though I was not around in the 60's, I know history, and Dorothy Dandridge created a bit of outrage when she did not win an Oscar and there was also talk about her playing a "floussy" and how she was a "Sell out" for White Hollywood in hopes of an Oscar. The conversations existed, the outrage existed, there was just no social media. And if you were not uncomfortable as White people sat and laughed at an image of someones Black grandmother hanging from a tree....then you are just fast asleep and frankly a waste of space. You should never put something that graphic and historically painful in the context of a joke, ESPECIALLY as a BLACK A LIST ACTOR on a stage that is currently experiencing accusations of racism. 

And what a way to welcome Black history month, by having TWO shuckin and jiving COMFORT GIRLS to promote WHITE POWER, CHRIS AND STACEY. Oh yes, she came out looking like a flapper in Black face. The woman who notoriously exclaimed that Blacks do not deserve nor need their own award shows, showed up to the Oscars with Chris Rock to basically say, THIS SHOULD BE GOOD ENOUGH! TAP DANCING AND LOOKING LIKE CLOWNS ON WHITE AWARD SHOWS SHOULD BE GOOD ENOUGH AS LONG AS A BLACK FACE IS THERE. 

And Whoopi and Kevin Hart and the rest of the SPONSORED black people smiled and nodded. After all, they are paid for and have all of the toys and trinkets that Hollywood can offer. Will and Jada have been shut out, all because they have been creating Black productions like Taharqa...yea, a movie about ancient Egypt accept the characters are historically accurate...they look like me. 


What most do not know, is that they have experienced a lot of roadblocks on other productions and have refused to play by the game, and it did not start with him not being nominated for CONCUSSION. The media is careful about what is reported, the narrative has to remain, that Will is just bitter, Jada is just defending her mans talent...and its no big deal. Chris had a job to do and his purpose was damage control for the Academy. Rock was a paid public relations antic. They knew long ago that no Blacks would be nominated...again. It wasn't HIS show. He was there for the best interests of the network and the Academy. Just like the head of the academy is a Black woman, the host of the show was a Black man, and they are both hired clowns to make everything look diverse. But you can put a Black man or woman in the White House, at the end of the day, it will still be called "THE WHITE HOUSE"

Malcolm X spoke of the house negro. 

And the house Negro always looked out for his master. When the field Negroes got too much out of line, he held them back in check. He put 'em back on the plantation. The house Negro could afford to do that because he lived better than the field Negro. He ate better, he dressed better, and he lived in a better house. He lived right up next to his master - in the attic or the basement. He ate the same food his master ate and wore his same clothes. And he could talk just like his master - good diction. And he loved his master more than his master loved himself. That's why he didn't want his master hurt. If the master got sick, he'd say, "What's the matter, boss, we sick?" When the master's house caught afire, he'd try and put the fire out. He didn't want his master's house burned. He never wanted his master's property threatened. And he was more defensive of it than the master was." -Malcolm X

So it appears that the White master is indeed sick, uncomfortable and traumatized by his own racism reflected in media. And here came CHRIS ROCK, to comfort his White master, to wear the masters clothes, speak the masters diction and live in the masters neighborhood....Here came Chris Rock, to put his BLACK peers back in check, back on that plantation of complacency. Why complain when this is just how it is, always was and always shall be? This is who you are nigger. FALL IN LINE. SHUCK AND JIVE. 
But the field negro, the smart one, waits until they have penetrated the masters house. Gotten in good with the house negro and the master. Graduated to a form of house negro status, and only then, when all the tables are set with the finest china, THEY STRIKE!


Wednesday, February 3, 2016


Academy Award winning actress, Halle Berry, allegedly STORMED out of a CBS production meeting recently. The embattled actress reportedly stated that she is "done WHORING for Hollywood..." This report comes after Berry broke her silence on the Oscar diversity controversy by stating:
 "I believed that in that moment, that when I said [in my acceptance speech], 'The door tonight has been opened,' I believed that with every bone in my body that this was going to incite change because this door, this barrier, had been broken. 

"And to sit here almost 15 years later, and knowing that another woman of color has not walked through that door, is heartbreaking," she explained. "It's heartbreaking because I thought that moment was bigger than me. It's heartbreaking to start to think maybe it wasn't bigger than me. Maybe it wasn't. And I so desperately felt like it was." 

Since Berry's win, only three Black women have been nominated for that same award and none of them won. However, this article is not about the Oscars, lets discuss Halle Berry because if she is done with tinsel town, I think it is for the best. It has been said that Berry has been over Hollywood for years. After her Oscar win, her career went the opposite direction and seemed to go downhill. Berry is a sort of an enigma of Hollywood, her career path simply does not make sense to many critics.

After being casted in a string of bad films since her Oscar, Berry ran to television and producing. However, the Sci-Fi so-called thriller, "EXTANT" didn't last but two seasons before being cancelled. Somehow CBS still believes in her star power, as they are working with Berry who is set to executive produce, "Legalease" on the network. The show is about a biracial lawyer who...

Wait, I am already bored. I know you are as well. The minute I read the word "biracial" I fell asleep. Halle has been forcing this poster woman for bitter biracials on us for far too long. The fact that the shows description features the word "biracial" means it must be an integral part of the plot. 

Besides, Viola Davis, or Annalise Keating, is our favorite attorney right now. Davis is dark, nappy headed and angered in six inch heels, sorry Halle, you can't beat that legendary Blackness. We won't tune in for you to try and make us feel sorry for the poor mixed woman, especially when Annalise is surrounded by dead White people! Maybe you should judge Miss America or something.

I kid around and I am a bit harsh on Halle but I miss the good ole days when she was Black and not looking for White folks to validate her.
Thirsty Berry and Warren Beatty in "Bulworth"

Black Hollywood was good for you Halle, remember Boomerang? Remember when you smelled like shit on the set of Jungle Fever? We loved you as a crackhead! I loved when you lost Isaiah and got him back and I loved me some Why do Fools Fall in Love? (Even though Vivica Fox upstaged you in EVERY scene) Sorry not sorry. 

Berry has stated that she went after roles meant for White women, she wanted to break barriers. I understand her efforts, I respect them, I REALLY DO


Her Black films were much better and she was much better in them. The Rich Mans Wife, a role meant for a White woman did nothing for her career. Monsters Ball was meant for a Black woman so maybe she should have spent that time doing a Tyler Perry film. The entire purpose of that film was to get Billy Bob Thorton's penis inside of a Black vagina for an Oscar nod.

Angela Bassett passed on that role for a reason, unlike Halle, she stayed true to roles that best suited her. She wasn't overly concerned with integrating White movies. After all, what does one Black woman in a White produced, directed and casted film really do for anyone? So you flew in the sky and attacked White people with lightning but in the end, they still didn't give STORM a spin-off.

Why? Because she was only casted to meet a quota. Her acting was subpar in the X MEN series and the role was CLEARLY not best suited for her. When the STORM film was not given to her, Halle had a temper tantrum and no one cared. Unfortunately, she was just another nameless Black face in a Halloween costume. That is what the producers wanted her to be in that film, which is why they did not develop your character Halle. Which is why it was never said in the series that Storm was from Africa. 

We knew everything about Rogue  and all those other White women, but Storm, just a high yellow Thunder THOT. 

And I understood her grievances, don't get me wrong, but she knew the game. She signed up for the game when she left Black Hollywood for bikini James Bond and Swordfish desperate titties. And what happened? One of the things she lost in the fire was her career and integrity.

When we think of that Oscar we think of your saggy titties. 

When we think of Angela Bassett we think of a BMW burning and a woman who has no fucks to give. 

We also think of better acting....

But we tend to be more easily impressed with high yellow mixed chicks, especially when they are naked. 

I commend Berry for producing, I did enjoy, Introducing Dorothy Dandridge and I appreciate her efforts now, but how many Black people is she employing?



Her upcoming series, "LEGALEASE" as of now, has nothing but White co-stars....

I may not like Tyler Perry's work but what he is doing is employing thousands of Black folk. What he is doing is creating a space for Black people to thrive in a way Tinsel Town won't allow. 

He isn't worried about Oscars...they don't give Oscars to drag queens anyway...He is simply focused on creating Black enterprises. 

Integrating Hollywood doesn't mean to integrate White Hollywood into your pussy sista. 

It has been said that the sex scene in Monsters Ball was REAL. Halle is known to really GET INTO HER CHARACTERS, she wants to be authentic. So she authentically FELT GOOD.

Now she has the Oscar, but she doesn't have respect. Now she has the Oscar, but her best films were the ones before the Oscar. 

Even BAPS was unintentionally GREAT! 

White films like Bond may have afforded her the biggest checks she ever saw, but they were lackluster roles. Her characters not really developed, more like a prop than a star. 

However she was the first Black Bond Girl, and that was a major win if we are looking at integrating Hollywood. 

Halle, it is my recommendation that you come back to Black. You played two thousand characters in CLOUD ATLAS opposite Tom Hanks only for the Box Office to sound like crickets.

Berry plays White Woman in "CLOUD ATLAS"

Your White baby daddies have left you, fought each other and one of them is taking your money. 

White is not better for you girl. White movies, White men, White validation is like a cum shot. The thrill is gone once it busts a nut.....

Wednesday, October 14, 2015


Checkout my YouTube video above on this topic

Clicks of profiles, stats given and you are reduced to an ensemble of numerical values that lead to meaningless body movements. You are a gay millennial, devoid of Kevin Costner and a plane which takes off without you. A real date would be great, however, you often find yourself NAKED instead of nude. Your burning desire to be wanted is intertwined with the regret of wanting his body without reaching for his personality. So here you are on the floor, next to the enema, wondering if you should have just gone out for pizza with your straight friend instead....

Has protocol already been established, that this is as good as it gets? The best date is receiving a blowjob from the Grindr boy with the great abs who stays to watch American Horror Story after licking cum off your left nipple. Ah yes, cuddled up against the dried semen of his abdomen while watching Lady Gaga claw some sluts guts out. How romantic. The macabre scene reminds you of this moment, he in your bed, clawing away at your soul with reductive sex. You are brutally addicted to the flesh while desiring love because one is readily available. You know that the best blowjob pales in comparison to the deep conversations you have with your straight bromance companion. You spare him the gory details, but you can call him whenever you want. You discuss your day while discreetly rubbing your crotch in the midst of his alpha male baritone voice. He is your best friend, your confidant, your pillow talk after a worthless hookup that you secretly wish was him instead...
or maybe you don't...
Who are we kidding, when he took his shirt off at the pool... you haven't been the same since!
And my straight friends have been hotter than this...Pray for me

The moment of truth. 

You receive intimacy from your hot straight friend, but get your rocks off with gay men. If only your straight friend were gay....but then again if he were gay, he'd be reduced to another Grindr conquest. After all, he fucks at least three different women every couple of weeks, the number of conquests would no doubt increase if he were gay. He is everything you want, but you've grown accustomed to his disease of heterosexuality. A horrible affliction that prevents him from showing you the thick cock that women seem to line up for. 

The red enticing apple that the straight God dangles in your face

(Even your slutty female friend who spilled the beans on the good you secretly hate her)
But you can relate to him, because he speaks of wanting to settle down but not being able to put down the Tinder app. He on Tinder, you on Grindr, and both of you loving each other intimately without sex. You'll never admit it to yourselves or each other, but he talks to you more than any woman. The twenty second long embrace after confiding in each other, the tasting of his beer at the bar, you make him laugh unlike Susan or Rebecca and "I love you man", came out of his lips after you talked him out of losing his shit when his crazy ex arrived at the barbecue.

Do you love him? Yes, as a friend, but you can't love him more than that, he's something like a brother to you. He's been there for you more than any gay man you've dated. People often whisper about you two because your chemistry is other worldly, but why question the chemistry?

Society attempts to delude you with the notion that you have nothing in common merely because of opposite sexualities, but yet here you are, rotating around the same nucleus. 
Me and a straight buddy back in the day lol

Why can't many of us gay men achieve intimacy with each other? Why do many of us find solace in relationships with straight men? Many may call us names, judging us and assuming we just want to conquer straight man drawls, however the heterosexual male, brings us REAL intimacy, real friendships. For many of us, we simply cannot find the same camaraderie with other gay men. You and your straight buddy are a beautiful miscegenation of two worlds, that aren't so different after all. He gets lonely, and so do you, the void is filled but not completely, because the world has told us that SEX is all encompassing. 

See, what I have with my straight friend, is a real relationship. I'll never speak of it as such to him, but spiritually, that is what it is. I am not delusional, however I know that sex is not necessary when it comes to souls merging. I of course still want love with a gay man, but I will always have my straight buddy, who gives me late nights without worrying if sex will ruin things. He TAKES ME AS I AM, while profile number seventeen, wishes I were more masculine. He pats me on my back, encourages me, while they scream, "no fats, no fems" and my "Date" looks disinterested when he realizes I make less than him. 

We break each other down as a community, meanwhile, there is an array of straight men who come into our lives prepared to build. A lot of straight men cannot be intimate with each other due to societies bullshit programming. Quiet as it's kept, many straight men seek gay men to be friends with because they are often unable to unravel to their straight buds and afraid to be vulnerable to their women who often want them to only listen to their shit. 

The gay/straight man relationship is an enigma to the world but one of the best kept secrets because it is one of the strongest bonds known to humanity. We make an excellent partnership, not only because women love gay men and straight men can benefit, but because we are MEN at the end of the day. MEN who wish to express themselves with other men. MEN who no matter who they sleep with, have similar desires. We are carnal beasts with a warm sensitive center. 

Yes straight men can find straight best buddies, but they can also find a gay buddy who won't freak out over a hug that lasts too long. Secretly, all men want to be hugged, no matter if he is in Hell's Angels or Chippendales. 

One day, I hope to find the level of intimacy that I have built with my straight buddies with a gay man. Because then, it will be coupled with sex...But that always feels like I am asking the universe for too much. Sex, intimacy and love? 

For now, I'll meet my bro at his place, where he will change my oil for me then take me out to the movies. This time, we are seeing what he wants to see, "The Martian", he's such a dork. 

If he were gay, I'd be jacking him off during the film, but he's not. (Kidding) That's right, instead I will be enjoying a witty conversation after the film instead of a shitty ass with a porn movie in the background. 

Ah, the beautiful intimacy I share with my straight buddies, and the uninspiring hookups I have with gay men from the internet.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Why Sandra Bland didn't hang herself

Why would a Black woman who stood for #BlackLivesMatter, 





It seems the American public is presumed stupid until proven otherwise. If in your naivete, you believe that Sandra Bland committed suicide in a Texas jail cell, you have to wonder what she was doing there in the first place. An improper lane change and she's still in jail three days later...
So here is the narrative that the trusty police officers are delivering....
"Bland had been pulled over in Prairie View, Texas, and previously state public safety officials had said she became argumentative and uncooperative so she was arrested on a charge of assaulting a public servant."

The twenty-eight year old woman did not properly use her signal and the police stopped her. Fine. Said police approached the vehicle and she gave them attitude. FINE. I believe that, because they probably started in on her. The woman was so irate that she kicked the officer.....
WAIT. How is a woman who is seated in her drivers seat able to kick a police officer? That would mean she would have to be outside of her car, but why was she outside of her car? Why would the cop ask her to leave her vehicle over an improper use if a signal or whatever it was?
According to witnesses, the trooper pulled her from her vehicle through the window. Bland was screaming "get your fucking hands off of me" As you would expect and a battle ensued between her and the officer on the ground. 

Here is what the witnesses say

"I couldn't tell if he slammed her down there or it was a maneuver she did trying to stop him from putting her in the car caused her to be put on the ground," McKnight said. "She was very, very upset. She wasn't trying to get in that police car," 
Said Renee McKnight who witnessed the altercation from a barber shop across the street. 

Answer me this, when you were pulled over for a minor traffic violation, did the officer drag you out of your vehicle, wrestle you and handcuff you? Is an inadequate lane change worthy of an arrest? 

What does someone have to do to scare an officer so bad that they are pulled from their car moments after being stopped? Bland didn't just leave the trap house, she was unarmed and had just landed a new job at Prairie View A&M University. I can't imagine she was a threat to that officer.
The injustice began when the officer ASSAULTED that woman, who thanked bystanders for recording it. Why would she thank them if she was the one at fault as the police are saying? It doesn't make sense. 

"She had become combative on the side of the road," Waller County Sheriff Glenn Smith said.
Smith was fired in 2008 from a previous job after accusations of racial bias

Oh but why was she on the side of the road? Most traffic stops occur like this,
You tell the offender why they are being stopped, request drivers license, registration and proof of insurance, give them a citation and you continue on your day. 

Wouldn't most people become combative after they have been physically forced out of their vehicle after a LONG day? 

And then we have this....

"In arresting Bland, the trooper "violated the department's procedures regarding traffic stops and the department's courtesy policy," state public safety officials said Friday without specifying what procedures the trooper, whose name has not been released, had violated."
I think I answered the question. That was not a ROUTINE traffic stop. 

So now the FBI is investigating and let me tell you, it seems they have a lot of lies on their hands.

When Bland was found in her jail cell three days later, she was "not breathing from what appears to be self-inflicted asphyxiation" and CPR was immediately performed, Smith said. She was pronounced dead shortly after.
Video shows Bland was alone in her cell before she died, he said.
But Elton Mathis, Waller County district attorney, said Friday that no cameras were in the jail cell where she was found dead. Cameras monitoring the hall outside her cell show no one entered or left it between the time she last spoke with deputies through an intercom system and when her body was discovered
"It appears she had used a trash bag to hang herself from a partition in the ceiling, which was used to give inmates privacy," said Mathis, who also said Bland seems to have been the only female incarcerated in the jail at the time.
The Texas Commission on Jail Standards cited Waller County jail Thursday for not properly monitoring inmates but wouldn’t say whether its citation is related to Bland's death. All inmates must be observed once every 60 minutes, and any inmate deemed suicidal must be observed in person every 30 minutes, Executive Director Brandon Wood said. 
Hanging yourself requires at lot of planning, especially in a new environment. This is a small framed woman who was more than likely physically exhausted. The act of hanging yourself is not an easy feat to accomplish successfully. You have to get a noose-like object around your neck at the right points to suffocate yourself, not to mention be at the correct amount of distance from the ground when you hang. But regardless of all of that, you have to have ample time to complete the act, and lots of it. For this woman to use a trash bag, get up to the ceiling, requiring something to aid her to reach that height, took a shit load of planning and time. Keep in mind, this is someone who was ABOUT TO BE RELEASED, or at least scheduled to be. 

Her family recently spoke to her, they aren't buying it was suicide

Why did no one physically check on her during all of the time it took her to plan and execute the suicide? I know a thing or two about a jail cell, and they tend to make sure you have nothing around you that could be used as a weapon against yourself or against others. 

Then lets look at her state of mind. 

"I talked to her Friday (a week ago) and she was in good spirits," LaVaughn Mosely said. "Although she was incarcerated, she was in good spirits. She was looking forward to posting bond Saturday and getting out. So you don't go from that to hanging yourself."
That pretty much knocks the ball out of the park for me. This was a woman who was a fighter, from the video footage we have been able to see of the altercation, she was a WARRIOR.
This was her life's work, she was in the trenches. This was something she prepared for as evidenced in her social media postings. She would not have committed suicide over something she was prepared for. An activist of Black Lives Matter, she knew that at any moment, the cops can kill you. 

Why then, would a woman who lived and breathed the knowledge of the brutality of police, attack a police officer in a southern town?

We have seen her videos, she is not stupid nor ratchet nor naive. 

A woman who screamed out, "THANK YOU FOR RECORDING THIS!" is a woman with a plan, a woman who was preparing to turn this into a civil case. A woman with a history of activism would not in a situation that she had raised awareness about, end her own life before the battle could truly be fought in court. This was a woman who wanted to be at the forefront of change, of activism. This was a woman who reportedly just spoke to a family member only hours before her death, PLANNING to be released. 

A woman who had just landed a job at her Alma mater, Prairie View A&M and a department that can't figure out if it had cameras in the jail or not. Then they couldn't figure out if they were on. 

Whether it was suicide or homicide, you be the judge. If you ask me, this woman was lynched.
I just want to stress the point that the injustice began long before this. If a trooper forces a woman out of her car, slams her on the ground, then it's plausible that the violence could have continued against her in the jail cell. It may have gone further than they expected and covered it up, staged it with a "suicide" scene. 

Freddie Gray ring a bell?

Black people, they will kill you. Their narrative will defame you. They will color you bad, tell the story of your resisting them. Something so simple to do when they can arrest you for no cause at all. Why on earth would anyone accept an arrest that isn't justified? Especially after a civilian is pulled from their car and violently slammed to the ground, unable to hear the cop. 

Sandy did not hang herself. Her story tells itself through our intuition and knowledge of our history. 
Sandy speaks. 


Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Subtle Sexy Things Men Do

Taking your shirt off like this, makes you ten times hotter
Grab the bottom, lift it over your head
and if you're built, I am melting

Because all you did was get dressed to save lives
but it looks like you got dressed to strip 

There's something sexy about men in scrubs. This gif alone is enough to make me cum

Pheromones Playground

The bar is packed, but mostly with men. It isn't a gay bar, but it's game night. All around you are cocks stuffed in Wrangler jeans and loud baritone voices. Male camaraderie transforms into a competitive exchange of curse words; it becomes intense, but your fear of a bar fight electrifies your cookies.

Ladies, you cross your leg to adjust yourself on the bar stool. Yes, the pheromones have reached your shores. The men sweat at the crescendo of the cock battle, this happens at the bar, arcade, or any form of man cave. You have frequented them all, like a feline among a pack of wolves. 

There's something about being surrounded by full fledged MAN in competition, heated debate, the energy of DICK, an orchestra of wits, it's more about the vibrations, not physicality. 

Bottle Sized 

Gay men, you'd notice this next one before any woman, the one you've been eyeing all night.
He struts out of the bathroom grabbing his dick, getting a handful of it. 

All night you've watched to see who goes toward that bathroom, somehow you missed this one. Otherwise you'd be standing next to him at a urinal, no need to explain why. He explodes out of the bathrooms swinging door with brute force, grabbing his crotch like a stress ball. Your mind plays it again and again in slow motion. Sometimes they'll exit that bathroom zipping up their pants. There's something so hot about the fact that he didn't wash his hands, forgot to zip and now he greets you, shaking your hand. You are grabbing the hand that grabbed the cock. No need to feel like a pervert, you aren't the only one who noticed, Jenna has amazing peripheral vision as she pretends to fix her hair. The way his body rocked from side to side, when he stopped in his tracts and leaned to one side, beer in one hand. The way he wrapped his lips around the mouth of the bottle, she envisioned his mouth on a sinner. 

Full Court Press

Summertime is always chock full of triggers. Balmy July afternoons invite the men to come out to play. The big brown ball is forced violently against pavement. A gang of tall, hard sweaty men grunt, sweat and fight for that ball, they want to put the ball in that hole. One of them put his hands on his hips while leaning forward, exhausted. He then wipes his soaking wet forehead, then you know what is coming next. You brace yourself as you watch from your car, licking your lips. He reaches for the bottom of his shirt, lifts it up to wipe sweat from his face. 

All is revealed, those chiseled abs, everything below the nipples. A glimpse into the forbidden, a taunting, a preview of what the rest of him beholds. One hundred percent hard, glistening, rippling man skin, has been revealed from under a drenched shirt. That forty second series of events happens again and again...Warriors pass around that ball that is covered in each others palm sweat, the same palms that no doubt adjusted nuts. Wait, Tyson just reached down under his basketball shorts to adjust his nut sack, by doing so, the V-Cut was revealed. 

Voice from Close Behind

Doing this is a guaranteed way to get pussy (or ass)

His presence surprises you. He comes from behind slowly yet aggressively. His mouth a couple of inches from your right ear, his breath hitting your neck, the spot. His energy damn near fucking you from the back and all he said was, "Are you in line?" In the middle of this supermarket, you have lost all of your thoughts. You can barely respond because you haven't even seen him yet, but with that baritone, he can get away with a lot. Sometimes, the sexiest thing a man can do, is to not be seen at all. That is when it is pure energy, unexpected...It's just a voice, but your knees are weak, nipples hardening.

Posture of Perversion

Men shouldn't sit with their legs close together all prim and proper, especially when freeballing in shorts. Fuck yes! They should take up space and lots of it. Legs should be wide, body should be leaned back, the way he always does when you ride the train to work. The jolt of the train, your hand on that hard pole trying to keep balance, every morning you wet yourself. He glances up at you, in his work pants, doesn't matter what kind, because its the position of crotch. The fold of his pants, like Mount Everest, displayed like the Hope Diamond as he reads the morning paper. You know that it is just the fold of fabric, but somehow, that doesn't stop your imagination. Somehow, it may as well be pin-striped cock. The train car bounces and you hold harder on to that pole as he looks up at you. You can't see his eyes, because yours are on his crotch. As the train bounced, you saw a thick imprint that revealed itself as his redwood legs moved. 

Brooks Brother

He looked like a regular business man, another young professional at happy hour and you didn't notice. But now that he's rolling up his dress shirt over a mound of forearm muscle, you're hooked. 

Somehow with the sleeves rolled up, he's more rugged, more man. Where the cuffs hit skin, you notice veins, veins which tell a story of a pretty strict gym routine. Loose fabric around man arms is an abomination, everything should be tight, and it is. He's not wearing an undershirt. There's nothing like a dress shirt over a bare hard muscular body. It's like the juxtaposition of sex and sophistication. Tight dress shirt over hard pecs, hard biceps, sleeves rolled up signifying a hard working man. If he unbuttons his shirt, he will expose skin, muscle, flesh. His work day is over, he stands a few feet away, his shirt unbuttoned three times...a loose tie collapsing on his chest. You can see a long triangle of skin, hint of pecs, throbbing every time he lifts his glass.

Blunt Cunt

Gay men, you love smoking weed with the trade. He always has to be the one to roll the blunt, ladies, doesn't it hint on how he will eat the box? The way he manipulates that open blunt with his wet tongue, licking it, rolling can barely compose yourself. You know that once you are high, it will be even more difficult to do so. When his eyes become slits, when he leans back in the whip, you in the passengers side placing your lips on a blunt wet with his spit. 

The blunt you watched him lick. That long tongue all over that blunt, he did it so passionately. You love watching that nigga roll that blunt with his tongue...and now, it's time for the shotgun. Open up your mouth and let all of his smoke a new phase of semen...white smoke comes rolling in your mouth, he releases it all. 
Does he know how turned on you are? It's so intimate. Spit. Smoke. Fire. 

Let it out

Don't lie, when he's drinking beer and burps loudly, you don't want him to say excuse me. It will ruin the rude barbarian sexiness that just transpired. Broken silence from a loud man burp, long and deep from his soul. May not seem subtle, but its unconventional how turned on you always are. Gay men, maybe this is more so for you, drinking with the trade. Anytime a man lets out anything, it is a subliminal form of ejaculation. A release. But just don't pass gas nigga. 

The Handshake

"Nice to meet you Kyle..." You gaze into his bedroom intense hazel eyes as your hand nearly disintegrates in his Goliath palm. His handshake is firm, strong, aggressive, commanding and his eye contact confirms confidence. He doesn't have to be built like "The Rock" to pull this off, he just has to have MAN HANDS and the command of yours. Energy flows from our extremities as humans and this is the best way for a man to melt you with a first impression. The boardroom has become a bedroom in your mind. Lets discuss an acquisition of my ass. You can still feel his hand engulfing yours, his wide slightly rough fingers, especially the index, were phallic symbols. Phallic tingles...

Say My Name

I'm bad with names, but he calls my name correctly like he's known me his entire life. And when he chooses to use my name in the beginning of random sentences, to personalize the statement. Even when he is angry, "Isayaah!!!" "Isayaah, come here!" The one you want says your name like no one matter in what context he says it. For me, it's when he doesn't overuse it, nor under use it. When he wants to include me in a group conversation, my name is announced, "Isayaah is a writer too..." It's like I matter, it's like he wants other people to see that I matter. Even if you just met and he repeats back your name, it can be magic. 

"Hey I'm Rick"

"Nice meeting you Rick, I'm Isayaah..."

"Isayaah, that's a great name, Isayaah." 

As opposed to a simple impersonal "Nice meeting you." 

He upholds your majesty by choosing to repeat your name in a variety of situations.
The calling of a King. 
Oh how subtle his sexy is for me...

and you're HUNG...

Maybe this isn't so subtle...