Thursday, November 4, 2010

True Black Stereotypes

Stereotypes exist for a reason, may be because, they are accurate for the majority of the group that it attempts to define.

Stereotypes didn't just come out of some bigots imagination. In my opinion, we all are the adhesives that help keep the stereotypes tightly fastened to our big black ghetto booties or stuck to our cars rear bumper that as an Asian, we just can't drive. We learn from the subculture that we are apart of and as far as African American's go, we learn how to be black from Church.

True Stereotype #1 WE LOVE CHURCH
As a black man, I have grown up surrounded by constant reminders that I am black. Being the son of preacher parents, reminders that I'm black explodes with tambourines and off tune big breasted soloists.
Church is something that 99% of African Americans subscribe to, usually do to mere family tradition. Oh yes, as black folk, we will hit the club on Saturday, smoke a fat blunt, fuck a couple of hoes and land our asses in church Sunday morning as to not upset our mother.
For black folk, church is a second home, a place to hang out with relatives and "church family." A place to show off your latest designer clothes and hair dos. God is the last thing of concern when you have Brother Thompson taking off his tie and waving it above his head like a helicopter because he done "Caught the spirit." Sister Mable catches it too as her larger than life breasts bounce up and down in her girdle that holds on for dear life.
And you better not walk up the center aisle of nobody's church without the assistance of an Usher, or you will have an angry woman dressed in white approach you with a raised finger and a map that directs you to where "walk-in's" are supposed to be seated. O yes, the Usher board doesn't get paid but they sure do take their jobs seriously.
In the black church, it is the norm to hear about how God hates faggots in subliminal language, yet so many "faggots" appear as "Ministers of Music," typically dawning a multicolored suit with gelled up hair wishing he could do a Beyonce "Uh OH" booty pop during the bridge of the song. But hey, lets not leave the preachers out of it, BISHOP EDDIE LONG: need I say more? Yet as gay men we are all going to Hell? Them preachers can kiss my gay unholy ass.

True Stereotype #2 SOUL FOOD

Black people love to eat & as a result most of us have big asses, even the men. I am not all the way black so my ass doesn't protrude like most gay black bottoms. But lets get into the high calorie food choices us black folk make. Oh yes, every occasion for black people must involve chicken. Drummetes will do, just have some mother fucking chicken, even at a baby shower a bitch will provide some KFC chicken tenders. We love our ham hocks, collard greens, candied yams with marshmellows and grease on top, chicken legs, thighs, breasts but most importantly CHICKEN SKIN and make that shit extra crispy like its potatoe chips. We love our grits in the morning covered in butter and sugar, we want our chitlins at the family reunion and we desire some macaroni & cheese and potatoe salad on Christmas. BRING THE HOT SAUCE!
Black women take pride in their phat asses and sweet potatoe pies, black men expect their women to cook up some SOUL FOOD and to keep that ass lookin like its stocked with food for the homeless.
And lets not forget the typical black folk libations which include RED KOOL AID, GIN and SWEET TEA (2% tea 98% sugar)

True Stereotype #3 THE MAD BLACK WOMAN

The wrath of a black woman is so strong that many of us black men done turned gay. I can testify! Black women will always get the last word, they don't argue, they dictate and if you think you are winning the argument then wait a couple of days, because she will be sure to bring it up again and win.
Black women hold more grudges than any other race of woman. If sista girlfriend looks at her funny then she won't like the bitch for the rest of her life. If you choose to interrupt her while she is talking then that is your own suicidal actions, she will shut you up and shut you down. A black woman will always talk shit about her black men, keep running to the same man, love the dick and tell all her girlfriends how much of a dog he is. I have nothing but black female friends and I constantly hear about how black men have done them wrong, how some bitch is hating on her and how she deserves better. Black women may not all be mad, but they sure like to argue and complain.

The film, "WAITING TO EXHALE" pretty much sums it up, I.E. Bernadine burning the damn garage down and in REAL LIFE Lisa Lefteye Lopes BURNING THE WHOLE FUCKIN HOUSE DOWN! (R.I.P.)

There are a lot more TRUE black stereotypes but these are the main 3 that ring true from my observations. Lets keep in mind that the most hateful stereotypes are untrue like all black fathers are dead beats and that we are violent, gang related uneducated niggers with hoop dreams. FALSE.

PRESIDENT Barack Obama, need I say more?


  1. well idk about other black women but im not mad! lol

  2. Krystal I've seen that eyebrow curl more than I've seen those pearly whites. I'm just sayin. lol