but somehow, alluring. He was middle aged with big blue cult leader eyes and a beefy semi-hairy chest. He would always stare, but never speak. As he was surrounded by big Black men, I figured like most White men in DC, he fetishized them.
I was drunk from the free drinks in a plastic cup. Horny from a crowded room of bare bodied testosterone. He spoke to me and soon we were out of the door. With gay men, not much talking is needed, playing hard to get isn't necessary, leave that for the women. The hook-up was established, but I couldn't drive yet, I was too intoxicated. I rode on the back of his bike down five city blocks to his apartment building. He offered me another drink and soon we were naked. As we were messing around, I heard something barely audible leave his lips. I didn't want to believe what I knew I heard. Was I just drunk and hearing things? As the room spun around me and his hateful blue eyes pierced into me,
I heard it again...
That wasn't the first time when a white man wanted to be a slave master in the bedroom, the word had been uttered before. A young grad student, an older Jewish man, and some enjoyed making my BLACK DICK the star of their fantasy. From my experience, most White gay men, at least in the Washington D.C. metropolitan area, do not see Black men as anything more than either a science experiment, you know, something DIFFERENT to gawk at, or an object to DOMINATE with their slave master mentality.
Often times on dating websites, young White men advertise their distaste for Black men by saying, "WHITES ONLY" Craigslist is notorious for this with White guys saying, "WHITE ONLY, JUST MY PREFERENCE." Is it a preference or a disgust and fear of the Black man?
It seems that once these young White men become older, pot bellied and undesirable, that only then do they open up their doors to young Black men. As a young Black man, I have attracted countless older White men who seem to have exhausted their options in the good White world.
Why should we allow them to undress us, to dehumanize us with their limiting labels about us. Why should I lay naked and be called a Nigger? As a writer, I've stayed with torments purely for the knowledge, for the uncomfortable muse to voice my next social commentary. I really wanted to know if my hypothesize was true, at least in this pretentious Hell hole of a nation's capital.
You see I knew these White men wouldn't show their true colors casually outside of the bedroom. I had a hunch, that the white sheep only show their Wolverine blades during sex, in a dark room, when no one else is watching, when their victims guard is let down from booze and hormones.
I wanted to know how a White man who used his charms to get me into bed, could now use the worst word known to man? I wondered how his Black friends viewed him and if they knew about his bedroom pet names. Did they like to be humiliated and dominated? Was it dressed up under the guise of role play?
When I go to a gay "mainstream" club, which means WHITE, little emos come up to me asking for drugs after they've walk right passed the White guy with his hand in his pocket....
I assume they were thinking,
A Blackie would never come to one of our clubs just to dance
And oh how the white boys run away from me when I attempt to dance with them, it's pathetic how some of them slip me their numbers later.
Think about it.
Guess whose not coming to dinner.....
|Similar reaction of White boys when I try to dance with them|
Here's the kicker,
At a club, a young White boy and his friends told me,
"You are the hottest Black guy we've ever seen, Hotter than that rapper, T.I."
|Apparently White gays dig T.I.|
I was so honored to be deemed attractive by a group of good White men, after all, being hot for a Black guy is the biggest compliment the almighty White boys can give you. They knew just what I needed, a compliment from a White man because after all, it is ONLY their opinion of my attractiveness that matters. Out of all the mongrels, was born a beautiful light brown skin creature whose Blackness wasn't typically ugly.
I was hence validated. I was therefore better than my Black counterparts; Inducted into the White world via House Nigger status because by God, a White man deems me more attractive than T.I., which is a feat that most Black men can never accomplish with their Black ugliness! I'VE FINALLY MADE IT! TIME TO BUY GOLF CLUBS!
|YIKES! Sorry Black people, I was being sarcastic, don't disown me|
I am not saying White gays are all racist, I've known and slept with those who are far from it. I am sure if anyone reads this blog they will put words in my mouth and make me out to be some sort of gay New Black Panther, while others will criticize me for sleeping with racists, as if I knew they were racist beforehand?
This is simply a testimony. It is not for anyone to agree or disagree with, for it is from my experiences and mine alone. I have RARELY met an older White man who hasn't exhibited some type of racism in the bedroom. I have rarely found young White men who are willing to date a Black man, much less be friends with him.
And yes, Black men have similar issues, they don't want to date outside of their race for the most part, they do have ads on Craigslist with "Blacks Only", but for the most part, we do not exhibit a pattern of fetishizing White men. We are not in a position of power in the gay community because we are not apart of the gay community. That's why there are separate prides. The Whites, and Asians with inclusion membership cards, are proud of being gay but not proud that Blacks and Latins are gay. We are not the face of their gay pride parades, we are not in their gay themed films and we are always the ignorant "MANDINGO THUGS" in their porn movies.
We don't have broken backs or mountains, we just have supposed big dicks and occasionally a DJ booth for the White twinks to be friends with us for.
If Lance Bass came to one of our clubs, we wouldn't look at him funny, how do I know? Because I have brought countless White friends to hip-hop themed gay clubs, it wasn't awkward.
|OK, well maybe it was a little awkward...|
What was awkward, was me at show tunes happy hour, wondering why all of the White guys get the attention of the White bartender before me. I was there first, but of course, they figure Whites tip better, so let the Black guy stand there in the back of the proverbial bus.
And all of this makes me wonder; Are we as Black gay men not standing with these White gays in the EQUALITY movement because we don't even feel equal within this so called gay community?
UNIFIED WHITE GAYS FIGHTING FOR EQUALITY NATIONALLY
WHERE ARE THE BROTHAS???
AREN'T WE IN THIS TOGETHER?
Here they are...
|Scaring White redneck families at a non-pride event|
FYI: Black gay Prides receive less sponsors, less funding, less media attention for their events, probably to do with the more homophobic Black culture as well as the mainstream which doesn't have a place for Black gays.
Mainstream pride events often market to the "WHITE GAY" population, rarely Blacks and Latinos, thus Latin Gay Pride and Black Gay Pride were created. A segregated gay community is certainly not a community at all.
|MAINSTREAM BIG BUDGET (WHITE) GAY PRIDE PARADE|
|LOW BUDGET BLACK GAY PRIDE PARADE...of sorts|
White gays do not even include Blacks in marketing campaigns for their gay cruises, I dare you to find a diversified ad for a gay cruise. They assume we can't afford cruises.
However, I will admit, even us Blacks assume things about ourselves sometimes.
Look at this photo, who is the TOP in your opinion?
And this one...
Look at this photo, What are your initial assumptions about finances?
No judgment either way coming from me. But who ingrained this into our heads?
When this athlete came out kissing his boyfriend, us Black gays dragged him all over the internet for the color of his boyfriends skin. When I made a video celebrating their love, it was flagged by gay men...
GAYS OF ALL COLORS, IF WE ARE FOCUSED ON EACH OTHERS SKIN COLOR, THEN HOW CAN ANY OF US ASK FOR EQUALITY?
It seems that as a Black man, I am invisible to most White gay men, if at all present, I am merely an entertainer, a spectacle, something checked off the bucket list.
I don't live for the eyes or approval of White people, but what I do live for, is CLOCKING PEOPLE ON THEIR BULLSHIT, and if you noticed, I didn't leave my brothas out of it either. Most will hate this blog, but before you form an opinion about my opinions, read it again, then look at the gay scene in all of it's dimensions. Investigate, listen to the stories of others, walk into a bar, read the profiles, watch the films, the shows, see what's missing....then tell me I'm lying.
MAINSTREAM APPROVED GAYS
Mainstream Controlled Image of the Black Gay Man
FETISH: BIG BAD BLACK TOP COP
Black Gay Prostitute for almighty White men