A LOVE LIKE BEYONCE AND JAY Z

 

 

What is love?

 

 

Is it real?

 

 

 

"WHO WANTS THAT PERFECT LOVE STORY

ANYWAY?

ANYWAY?

CLICHE CLICHE...."

We know your situation is far from perfect, Mrs. ELEVATOR WARS!

 

As I lay in my bed, with nothing but the churning sound of the ceiling fan, I think about love.

I can't help but cynically question it's relevance to my survival on this earth. Earth, a planet full of bullshit aspirations that are spoon fed to the masses to make them feel inadequate. Inadequate, because I am three decades old and a man doesn't caress me in the night. Inadequate, because the happy people on my television have made families by my age. They aren't cuddled with stuffed animals, dreaming like Selena of a love that must be found, because there isn't a man around....

 

 

Meanwhile all I have is Grindr

 

 

Isn't love just a one a syllable little word that we use for the feeling of really liking someone? Isn't it just a whimsical way of describing a chemical reaction? One that could also be experienced by smoking a joint or eating your favorite food while listening to your favorite song?

Is it really more than that? Is it spiritual or predetermined? Is it a bouquet of flowers on Valentines Day? Is it Casablanca, slow motion and gray?

 

 

Personally, I've never felt that I've been in love. No one has given me butterflies, no one has even been interested in me beyond sex. I often feel like I am wasting my life away, drowned in agonizing thoughts about being alone. It feels like a disease of self infliction, that I CRAVE love while I compare myself to others who SEEM to have it.

 

 

"Fuck that happy hoe, I give it less than a year"

Has Hollywood taught me to be a hopeless romantic? Does love really exist or should I just settle for a guy whose company I enjoy? If fireworks don't happen, oh well, because after all, dopamine is just a chemical which can be artificially introduced. Maybe we aren't even meant to be monogamous, maybe we are meant to have sex with many and crack jokes. Not cry in a fetal position on the bathroom floor because Johnny cheated on you with your sister, on Valentines Day. If you never expected love from Johnny, you wouldn't have had to write that suicide note. Just a thought.

 

 

When I was in middle school, I became angry that everything I enjoyed as a kid, was a complete fallacy. I felt lied to. I felt like deprogramming myself from the bullshit of my childhood. I couldn't believe that my parents who were preachers, would lie to me about the existence of Santa Claus, the Easter bunny or the tooth fairy. If they would lie about that, then surely, they could lie about love. Mommy and daddy reveal that Santa is a fake, while later in life, the person you thought you made love to in the back of his Chevy reveals that love is fake.

 

 

 

If Santa was just a way for big business to make a profit at the end of the year, then maybe love always has been a fraud as well. If people didn't think they were in love, they wouldn't spend money on chocolates, flowers and weddings rings. There wouldn't be a multimillion dollar empire surrounding Cupid's arrow, no platinum love songs or Disney movies for parents to spend their money brainwashing their kids with.

 

 

What if love is just a way to get you to conform and consume?

 

Eat this bullshit, until it drives you crazy and kills you...

 

Look at the skyrocketing divorce rates now that society doesn't market itself as Leave it to Beaver. Maybe the advent of Technicolor merely revealed the ugly truth, that life isn't perfect or formulaic. That we are all just animals who need to mate, love was just a black and white cinematic image for the glory of box office sales.

 

I mean if love is anything like Romeo and Juliet, I'll pass. They both ended up dead.

Seems like things would have gone a lot smoother had Romeo saw Juliet as a "THOT" (That Hoe Over There) and Juliet saw Romeo as a good piece of man meat who engaged her with great pillow talk. I doubt poison would have come up in their story had love not been in their Kool Aid.

 

 

And it speaks volumes, that as kids, many of us saw the story of Romeo and Juliet as a beautiful tragedy, something worth aspiring to. A love so strong you would die for it. Damn were we brainwashed! Still are....

Almost sounds like we are all one big cult, glorifying poisoned libations and mesmerized by something intangible.

 

If I were never introduced to the concept of love as a child, I wonder...

 

Would I be a lot happier now?

 

 

 

As cynically as I conceptualize the desire for love, I can't help but get jealous of those couples who seem happy in it. I can't help but close my eyes everyday and imagine what it would feel like to be embraced by someone who truly loves me. I can't help but feel inadequate without it. I can't help but sing the lyrics to "On the Run" by Jay Z and Beyoncé and wish I could relate to them. Music makes me want to ride on the back of someone's motorcycle all caught up in it.

 

 

And I am angry. The powers that be have made me feel lonely, made me question every man that's ever kissed my face. I hate that I strive for something that I can't even understand. I hate that I have to overanalyze each guy instead of just enjoying what is and not worrying about what it is not. Because let's face it, it will never be a 1950's Hollywood picture. It will more than likely be the equivalent to a three minute rap video. Especially since online dating is how us gay men check out the merchandise.

 

And then he's on to the next one...

 

I hate that love feels like the Holy Grail. Something that people fight for, look their entire lives for, only to find that it's just a silly cup that someone used to get wine drunk out of.

It holds no power. It only holds liquid.

 

In my case, tears.

 



Like Beyoncé sings,

Who wants that perfect love story anyway, cliché.

If love is a cliché, why does everyone obsess over it to this day?

Below is my loveless version of Jay Z's "On the Run" Sort of like a remix.



Who wants that perfect love story.....
...I do
Cliche or not
I NEED
WANT
CRAVE
The sound of that galloping horse.
However,
Whoever
May I be transformed
in his arms
Inspired by the raging alarm
Sounded by the fire
Which does more good
Than harm.
At first sight
Bombs explode
Perfection not expected
Even with potholes
In the road.
Ugly salvation
Much better
Than the kiss of a toad.
These pages I write
Film I cut
I'll never cease the fight
I believe in you
The future pulls at my gut.
Hysterically crying
Keeping prayer on a pew
Daydreaming of how I'll meet you
Maybe you're lonely too
Hurt by more than a few.

In the midst of these crocodiles
Fraudulent smiles
And fake profiles
I maintain HOPE
of three piece suits
at the end of an aisle.

Though life's been tough
Pieces of me
Lost in the fray
I've saved my best melody
Just so you can press play

I'll never give it all away
Never give it up
None of it away
Until
You come my way
Here to stay.

-Isayaah "D.Myst" Parker

PORSHA WILLIAMS EXPOSED!!!

My mother always taught me...

The same people you condemn and dismiss today

May be the same people

Who hold the key to your success in the future

Featured above, is a video that shows evangelist Porsha Williams, doing what Black Evangelist's typically do, as she preaches about how gays and lesbians need to be saved.

Dear Porsha Williams, 

The Bible also doesn't want women preaching in the churches. Don't pick and choose scripture to condemn people. We are all sinners according to that BIBLE.  (I have nothing against women preaching, I'm not Christian because I don't agree with the judgement in the Bible. My mom was the first woman preacher in her denomination)

"Let your woman keep silent in the churches, for it is not permitted unto them to speak" -1 Corinthians 14:34

In case you haven't noticed, The Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA) is scripted reality on a gay network whose cast is full of homophobic lost souls. When you consider this, you can begin to see who Porsha Williams really is.

RECEIPT





Evangelist?! What?! Porsha Williams was an evangelist? Porsha can annunciate? Porsha....the same woman who though she served face, served an evening in jail for assault, believes...

Well,

Believes that gays and lesbians need to be saved?????

SADLY, YES.

The video at the top of the blog, is from a past life of Porsha's, filmed before she was handed a peach for The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Before the slut from the nineties called her a "dumb hoe" on a megaphone, she was an evangelist. She was well spoken, had an extensive vocabulary and covered her breasts with clothing. Why was this not mentioned on the show? Andy Cohen had to have seen this footage of Porsha when they were scouting her for the show. Therefore, we need not only expose Porsha, but we need to expose BULLSHIT BRAVO. 

You mean to tell me that Andy was so offended by the "QUEEN" comments yet didn't seem to mind a homophobic evangelist?  Bravo made it appear that her life was watching people move boxes at her grandfathers charity drives. Well evidently, that was not all Porsha was doing... She was running around Atlanta preaching about evil homosexuals. For no one to mention this on the show to me means it was covered up and it did not fit the storyline they wanted for her. Come to think of it, a well respected preacher doesn't fit the mold of a co-dependent submissive wife in proverbial diapers. Viewers were conned and given a fraud who snapped for the kids in her confessionals, when in actuality, she wanted to pray their gay away. With a large percentage of viewership coming from the gay community, Bravo had to cover up her evangelist past, or at least ignore it. Let's face it, most gays don't like evangelists. Hmmm...I wonder why?

Fellow Bible thumping, remedial homophobe, Fantasia, on Bravo's WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE

I would even venture to say, that this is the real Porsha. A woman who is a lot smarter, (though morally offensive) than the character she plays on RHOA. A woman with convictions. A woman brainwashed by the doctrine of the Black church. A woman desperate for a platform, so preaching afforded that. But the pulpit didn't give her the widespread fame in which she craved, so she found a somewhat famous, rich defunct athlete, married him, and joined the cast of RHOA.

Footage of Porsha Williams, who preached judgmental religious hate speech, is proof that the show is a fraud. She sold her soul for fame. She turned in her intellect, for a deer in headlights who inquired about the train conductor of the underground railroad. The show already had Phaedra, daughter of preachers, so executives felt Porsha's niche couldn't be Jesus and pants suits. They saw she was pretty, saw a famous husband and put a pasteurizer in her mouth.

The ditzy dumb cute girl, with a hot temper and pension for dragging bitches by the follicles, is a manufactured Stepford Wife gone rogue, but even the going rogue part is smoke and mirrors. The wealthy Bravo execs, manufactured an underdog and began to write a fantasy.

The partially true to life storyline, was an underdog breaking from its leash and running free to achieve its dreams. As Porsha divorced her controlling husband and now scores a hit song, I have to wonder, was this all planned by the powers that be? Conceived, scripted and rehearsed?

It was.

By them...

Reality TV thrives on vulnerable, self obsessed, self conflicted naïve fame whores who will do whatever it takes to become a trending topic. Porsha was the perfect candidate, enduring a sexless marriage just to have the credentials to be on a television show to play a character. She used Kordell to be on TV, and Kordell used her as a trophy.

And Bravo used her, to create a television-ready caricature, that ensured high ratings and a bigger brand. All the while, the pop culture addicted zombies, have no idea, that the pathetic souls they obsess over, are a masquerade.

But enough of that, let's throw this desperate bitch in a frying pan

IT'S TIME TO READ!

So Lambchop, you allowed a so-called "QUEEN" to stick his hand up your ass and animate you like a sock puppet, yet gays are the ones, who need to be saved?

A clip of Porsha's new music video

You compared us gays to prostitutes and drug dealers but I guess gays are alright with your morality as long as they sign your checks.

Isn't it true, that gay men gave you a national platform and saved you from homelessness after that "queen" put your remedial ass out on the street? After all, if it wasn't for a gay producer with a contract in hand, you would have never been able to stunt like you just bought a house that Bravo actually rented out for you.

You mean to tell me, that you can steal gay lingo, get your relevance from a gay owned network and have homosexuals style you from head to toe, yet they need to get right with God?

I'm going to save him from Hell, after I get out of my jail cell. Jesus fix it, those homosexuals sure are living a vile lifestyle, did I mention my ex husband, the one I slept in the bed with every night, was gay? Such sinners, Oh BTW, did you see me...

 drag that slut on Easter Sunday? #KeeptheSabbathHoly

WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?

Would He resort to violence? I think Jesus would turn the other cheek, so judgment when it comes to "saving gays" is laughable coming from Porsha. Sounds like she's the one who needs to reexamine her walk with God, rather than pointing the finger at other sinners. Along with the other women on the show, she talks a lot about Jesus yet we never see them inside of a church. Hell the weddings didn't even take place in a church.

No wait, I did see Porsha in a sanctuary, she went to an historic church that was a stop on the underground railroad with the other ladies. She proved then and there, that Jesus needs to save her from stupidity.

At least the ignorance she PERFORMED for the check, we will get to that later...

What happened to Porsha's pulpit? Well, Bravo knows that their demographic is mostly Blacks, who always respect those who are Christian, but who don't tune in for a Tyler Perry gospel musical. So Jesus is mentioned here and there but it's often only in jokes.

The Amazing Grace singer is the only one on the show who I believe is still Christian. Something rare when one turns themselves over to the mainstream pop culture.

I for one, think Porsha put Jesus on the backburner to appease materialistic aspirations. In the process, she's been influenced by a liberal secular environment. I do think, though, she still holds on to the notion that gays are not on the guest list at the pearly gates.

For this, I can't respect her. It's funny to me, that way back when on the pulpit, she had no idea that she bit the hands that would feed her years later.

I never liked Porsha, not only because she was a Black woman who appeared nonchalantly ignorant of Black history on millions of plasma screens, but also because I've always known she was a fraud.

It's hard to be an evangelist and know Biblical history while being willfully unaware of what the underground railroad actually was. I do think she ACTED on the show, but it doesn't matter. The fact that she'd be willing to present that image, makes me despise her. Loathe her. It's hard enough getting positive images of our people on TV. Black people that is. And then there are the gay Black men, like myself, whose images on television are even less diverse.

Bravo loves it's flamboyant gays, nothing wrong with that, I may be one myself, but there just seems to be a concerted effort on that network to paint Black gays as messy and queeny.

Then we have to deal with Porsha's old sermons about gays needing to be delivered, echoing the bullshit we have been exposed to in the Black church. The judgment, the condemnation.

Which leads me to Phaedra and Porsha.

Phaedra

"Men in dresses don't entertain me, I'd rather see a beautiful real woman perform in the nude"

Porsha

"I don't agree with men wearing women's clothes so I did feel uncomfortable filming around Lawrence. It's too much. Some women have them around to make them look better, not me."

It continues with Peter, no not the book in the Bible, I'm not out to attack someone's morality with misunderstood scripture. Peter Thomas, fresh off the boat from the island of the homophobes, called himself a housewife, ate a peach and referred to straight men as "REAL MEN" at the RHOA Reunion. According to Uncle Ben, I mean Papa Smurf, Oops I mean Peter, someone like Brandon, Kenya's gay good Judy, is not a real man and had no business fighting with real men. According to NeNe, he's just a queen in a red gown. According to Marlo, Sheree spends too much of her time hanging out with "faggots"

So Porsha is not the only RHOA homophobe and don't get me wrong, people can believe what they want to, they have that right. But I also have the right to point out your hypocrisy if you are going to point out my immorality.

It's very southern of her, to question the character of someone solely on their sexuality. Why judge us, when she lied about physical abuse from her ex husband, just to sell a song on I-Tunes.

But let's face it, ratings trump morals when it comes to television execs, even if gay men must make homophobes rich. On a show where a homosexual is violently attacked and the cast members shrug their shoulders, Porsha's blast from the past won't be an issue for the show.

After all, Kenya should be 

...lucky her ass didn't get BEAT!

Am I right Nene?!

He's just

...The QUEEN in the red gown, Miss Brandon!

and he shouldn't be fighting

...The "real men" in the room

because you are such a REAL MAN Peter, especially with all those loans from your wife

You take care of home and bring home the bad checks, I mean, bacon

 You and Apollo are REAL MEN...

I do believe that a real man is what's on the inside. Miss Lawrence and Brandon are more of a man than Peter. But I do have to say, it's a shame that on a gay owned network, a bald headed "fashion queen" in red lipstick is passed amongst rental divas like borrowed earrings.

I digressed, but Miss Lawrence, please don't let Porsha rent you out next season.

In conclusion, I do wish the best for Porsha. I hate the fact that I love her song "Flatline" and that I actually take her seriously as a singer and performer. I just can't cosign her words, her actions nor her lies. But she's just like the rest, using the gays to get to where they want to go, Wearing them like a fur until summer hits. The bitch gets hot and she doesn't need them anymore.

But all the things you said about us before, may just send you back out that door.

WHY I HATE GAY BARS

And they will bring this to the club....I THINK THIS SUMS IT UP....

These are the reasons I always end up frustrated after I leave a gay bar. After all, I have a better chance at getting laid at a STRAIGHT PUB anyway...Sorry Jessica, he showed me his wee wee in the bathroom at Union Jacks.

 

Queens who are angry at inertia

 

Any type of movement pisses them off. You brush passed them, you accidentally bump them or you breathe on them and they have a temper tantrum. They proceed to write their local congress person and the president of the Beyoncé fan club. Actually, they hate anyone who dares to DANCE. The last time I checked, this was a club. It's like being mad at someone at a grocery store for shopping. If you're not trying to dance, get the fuck off the dance floor. Yea I elbowed you by accident, maybe because you're in the middle of the floor doing a duck face for invisible cameras. MOVE BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY! My song is on.


THIS IS WHAT I THINK I LOOK LIKE WHEN I DANCE AT THE CLUB...

Don't believe the stereotypes, apparently not all gay men dance, or when they do, it's in the wrong location, such as the bathroom or in front of the bar while you're trying to order your drink. When someone dances on the actual dance floor, like myself, it's seen as "RUDE" The dance floor at a gay bar is meant to be a set for the tragic modeling shoot of four foot tall baby twinks. Delusional and desperate, they think they are Naomi Campbell. They lean on their protruding hip bones while looking for a cat fight. If this is your magazine cover, nobody is buying it honey.

Horny women at a gay bar?

I see you have your 6 inch pumps and your vagina is dragging all over the floor, but nobody is interested. No matter how aggressively you back it up on that butch queen, he's just doing it to attract straight loving bottoms. I need you to know your role, look cute and stop trying to turn everyone out. Yes women can be fun at gay bars, they are usually the only ones dancing besides myself. They come to express their sexuality in a way that will deem them a slut at a straight bar. Isn't it ironic? In my Alanis Morissette voice, the act of expressing your sexuality at a place where nobody wants you sexually. Sometimes it just gets out of hand and I feel bad for the butch queen who thought it was a friendly fag hag kiss, instead, her tongue is down his throat. To be honest, this only makes him more desirable and the bottoms take notice.

 Drink throwers

How I feel when I am covered in someone else's liquor at the club

Why people buy drinks just to get mad and throw them all over complete strangers eludes me. I just got these pants out of the cleaners and now I have vodka cranberry all over them. Newsflash, the rest of the club had nothing to do with Tony sleeping with your man, I'm going to need you to not shower us with your watered down liquor. They never get the liquor on who it is suppose to be on. It ends up all over me while I'm two stepping and pretending I'm in a music video. You just ruined my sexy pose. Now I have to find napkins.

Kickballers

I don't know how it is in the rest of the country, but here in Washington DC, there is a huge gay kickball craze! These H&M shoppers think that just because their booty shorts have a few grass stains, that it entitles them to a "manly jock" status. Mention a jock strap to them and they instantly queef. They play kickball because it's an excuse to wear booty shorts and have drunken orgies with their teammates. It's not a real sport, so they don't have to worry about getting dirty or injuring their bobs. Unfortunately, they tragically believe they are sports stars. They assure themselves, that their presence in the club is a gift to all who bare witness to their fraternal order of posers. They parade themselves around the bar, usually dressed in kickball tee shirts, knee high socks and tight shorts. They only deal with each other, if you don't have a kickball team shirt on, then you are not apart of the chosen family. They were chosen to lead the gay community. More desired than the gay cowboys. They, at least in their own minds, are sex symbols. I bet you assumed as much, but most kickballers are WHITE.

The Blacks join just to be around the White boys that they adore. You know, the White boys who constantly reject them otherwise. Now the White boys who are now their teammates, are forced to deal with them on some level. They merely tolerate them. The poor two or three Black teammates are always extra at the club, dancing wildly to try and make up for the fact that they aren't really apart of the family, they just wear the tee shirt. Those White boys need to fulfill their quota, but when the slumber party happens, you will not be invited.

Nothing more devastating than a club full of slutty kickballers, unless of course, the club is full of...

 

Drag Queens

Sorry, Did I strike a nerve? I didn't even start writing yet...

 

I love drag queens, there is nothing more entertaining than seeing a drag queen perform, and after five minutes has passed, I'm ready for it to be over.

 

 



I hate going to a gay bar, especially a smaller dive one, and not being able to enjoy my drink. Drag queens will make your night out a living hell. They usually have a microphone in hand even when they're not performing. God knows where they got the microphone, it's like they were born with one glued to their hand. They'll get on that thing and make comments about who you are with and how you are dressed. One time a drag queen told a patron that she could see his lymph nodes. That was the rudest most horrible thing I'd ever heard. (Swollen lymph nodes could mean HIV is present)
Try going out to a dance club with drag queens there. It's impossible to dance or get any attention while they are around. They take up half the damn dance floor with their hair and boobs, so nobody can see you behind Mount Everest with a wig.

Mommy I'm scared...

It may be your birthday, but you will be tipping a queen tonight, right after she tells the entire club that you have a cute ass and you need your birthday licks. Everything is tolerable, until that booming voice comes over the speakers. Seconds later, Cunty Clarissa is going from table to table bothering people like Kenya Moore and her bullhorn. I just want to hangout with a friend over beers, I don't appreciate being asked if I'm a top or bottom by a man named Cunty. I respect drag queens, I've even had sex with a couple of them. SOUNDS AWKWARD, BUT THEY WERE HUNG! WHERE DOES IT GO BEFORE THE SHOW? I usually just want to pass out xanax and plane tickets when I'm around them.

Voguing

You know what's more annoying than a rude drag queen? Voguing baby gays. That dreaded moment when you hear that House music come on, you know the club has turned into a ballroom. Arms outstretched as their House sisters surround them, they take over the ENTIRE floor. This is when I leave. No, it's not martial arts, its a rite of passage for the baby gays. You won't see a 30 year old doing it, if you do, that is just pathetic. It always starts off as fun camaraderie between the baby gays who show off their skills of spinning and death drops, until another House starts competing. No, they didn't come to the club to simply dance, they came for blood. And by blood, I mean they are here to slay a bitch with twirls for the GAWDS!