Saturday, January 11, 2014

THE GAY THINGS, STRAIGHT MEN DO



FOOTBALL

Not long ago, I chilled with a straight guy named Rob, at his bachelors pad. We played beer pong, watched college football and took turns burping. To be honest, I don't give a fuck about football, but the homo eroticism is better than a wam-bam casual encounter from Craigslist. To sit next to a hot, six foot, muscular jock on a couch, while he talks about fucking women.... Is simply divine! Have you ever noticed that football makes straight guys horny? They usually end up fucking their girlfriends or wives after their favorite team wins. I always enjoy being in the room while these heterosexuals get all juiced up over grown men tackling each other over a big hard ball. Sex never happens, the self torture hurts, but the jack off session later is worth it. Wait, I digressed. Sorry.
The straight mans Broadway
Beer pong is fun and burping without saying "excuse me" can be liberating. There is something intimate about guys getting together to watch football. In all actuality, all we are doing is watching a bunch of guys in skin tight pants tackling each other and showing off their bulges. What's even more interesting, is the fact that guys wear the jerseys of their football idols; They passionately cheer them on in their manly way with their buds. Grown men wearing the numbers of their idols, in a room full of other excited guys, where man hugs are exchanged when touchdowns are made... 
Football is extremely gay, both on the field and around the plasma screen. Sports in general promotes a very intimate male camaraderie, but football takes the cake, with its shirtless super fans and man cave tight end watch parties. As a grown man bends over and throws a big brown ball between his legs, millions of other grown men watch that tight ass in HIGH DEFINITION.
And after those Ravens win or lose that game, they hit the showers
Yes, I WILL RSVP THE SUPER BOWL PARTY! 
HELL. THE. FUCK. YES. 

GANGBANG/BUKKAKE


Quiet as it's kept, I've always enjoyed so-called straight porn more than gay porn. Nothing like Belladona getting gang-banged by a bunch of horny prisoners. The male porn star Brian Pumper loves to gang-bang chicks with other guys, one dick in the pussy and the other one in the ass. How gay is that? Two sets of balls slap against each other while they aggressively fuck a big breasted bimbo. Then there's bukkake, which is a bunch of so-called straight guys, standing in a circle, masturbating on a female. You mean to tell me there is nothing gay about a guy standing in front of other guys, jacking off? I don't care how many vagina's are in the room!
Oh the gay things heterosexual men do. 
Lovin' the Crew
When I was a teenager, I would hangout with a lot of straight black guys. It was as if they could only have sex with a girl, if other guys were around. One time they were adamant about fucking some Ethiopian slut in the backseat of my Toyota Corolla. Does fucking a subservient girl with other guys make them feel more dominant? Or is it an excuse to get their rocks off with other guys? I may be mistaken but it seems like the act of gang bang is more prevalent in the black community. Young black men grow up in a hip hop culture where it is deemed "cool" to fuck a girl in the ass. Cool to get a girl who enjoys "LOVING THE CREW" which basically is the act of getting fucked by a guy and all his homies. My question is, if you are already fucking in the ass and already in a room full of other naked dudes with erections, why not fuck a guy in the ass?
I speak for myself, but as a gay man, I could certainly get my rocks off in a gang-bang on a girl if I were surrounded by hot guys with big hard dicks. (Especially if they cheered me on in the way in which they watch football.)
Don't start feeling too sexy ladies, they may be more into each other than they are into you.

JESUS

As a preachers kid I have always found myself surrounded by a shirtless buff White man on a cross, and I found myself strangely turned on by Jesus's six pack.
A bunch of grown men in robes crying, screaming and doing everything but busting nuts over a sexy White man who enjoyed getting his feet washed by twelve groupies is very gay.
This may come across controversial but people take religion way too seriously anyway.
Take a step back and look at the flaming queen on the pulpit, twirling around in a robe, confessing his love for a White male carpenter.
Straight men seem to love getting excited over another man, Whether it be Ray Lewis or Jesus.
"I've got the baddest bitch in the game, wearing my chain!" That's right, Jesus has all these bad male bitches wearing His chain, even if it is technically a graven image.
Holy Communion is the most gay of all, especially in the Catholic and Episcopal churches.
All the men dressed up in their Sunday's best, line up to get a chance to get on their knees and get a wafer fed to them by a grown man in a robe. I often wonder if those priests go commando. I digress.
Aint this some gay shit...

They take those wafers with their tongues and they sip the wine from the chalice with their eyes closed.
Vatican controversy aside, there is a lot of gayness in a religion that claims being gay is an abomination.
So while the straight men sing, play tambourines and idolize powerful men in a Bible absent of powerful women, I'll be jacking off to Michelangelo's David.

FRATERNITIES 

Do I really need to explain this?

This video will do the talking.



I went to a historically Black college, Clark Atlanta University, and let me tell you, the Que's stepping on the yard sometimes got confused with gay porn. Nothing but big burly shirtless black men jumping up and down with their ass cracks showing.
A fraternity is the gayest thing known to man. Look at it in it's entirety.
Once again, straight men love to idolize other men. In a fraternity, they will get themselves branded by other men in a room full of shirtless screaming men. They will do anything for their "brothers" and they often go on retreats for the rest of their lives to a secret location with their brothers. No women allowed.
The fraternal order is male bonding at it's finest. They dance together, scream together and did I mention, they get naked together?
My father told me that during hazing for his fraternity, they would tie a string around your dick and see how much pain you can take.
The fact that a grown man will do ANYTHING to be apart of an orgy of manhood is very homo erotic.
Have you noticed how fraternities are always doing something SHIRTLESS?
Bare chested young men with a passion for male camaraderie is a common theme in the lives of the heterosexual male.


4 comments:

  1. I am not too sure I'd be that well behaved at a frat party where the guys get drunk and I'd end up pulling down their pants so as to make sure everything down there gets properly treated.

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  2. Each point made is right on track. I have always wondered the same and well you have cleared all my wondering thoughts on the matter.

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  3. Isaiah, another great read. I was especially riveted on the sections on Jesus and fraternities. I am Roman Catholic and also had many thoughts. So much so that my heart, soul and spirit battled my mind and it's teachings. Sometimes these conflicts arise even today. My fraternity was a perfect "safe haven" for me to observe and explore. I look forward to your next blog:)

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