Are these my friends?
Is he as good as it gets?
Is this my job?
Why am I here?
IS THIS MY LIFE?
Don't get me wrong, the basics have always been something which have worked for me. If I wake up in the morning and tell myself that it will be a great day at work, that I will get all of my work done on time and there won't be any drama, the day actually goes a lot smoother. But as far as red carpets and a six foot mass of muscle laying next to me on Egyptian cotton...
I haven't gotten that far yet.
Is the law of attraction something we humans conjured up to make ourselves feel better about our pathetic lives? Is it a source of hope, similar to the likes of the major religions which paint promised lands in the midst of wars and pestilence? Is it a cash cow philosophy for Rhonda Byrne's, you know, just something to keep the drones dreaming while the charlatans get richer?
The Capricorn in me has always struggled with the unseen. I've always questioned God and as a preachers kid, that questioning always got me in trouble. I've always wanted proof or at least a receipt. I don't like the idea of praying and waking up the next day to the same bullshit. I don't appreciate a God who is too stubborn to reveal Himself, nor a law of attraction which keeps me seeing unicorns in the land of student loan debt.
What I can always appreciate, is the idea of hope. That maybe I do have control of my own destiny and all I need to do is just believe that my hard work will pay off. However, the poker faced side of me looks at the one percent of America and concludes that success only comes to those who it's chosen for.
How powerful are our minds? Are we able to bend the status quo and create a matrimony of prosperity and happiness in the midst of corruption? Is this as good as it gets or are we just unwilling to ATTRACT what we want with our positive thinking?
Ever since I was in first grade, I've seen myself as THE Isayaah Parker. A celebrated entertainer who no longer walks the earth invisible. The writer who wins awards and changes lives. I've seen myself as greater than the boy who was constantly teased for his stuttering, big ears and feminine behavior. As an adult, I see myself as more successful than the minimum wage jobs I've been enslaved to. I've visualized people respecting me, rather than micromanaging me and treating me like a robot.
I used to create worlds in my bedroom and on the middle school playground. My stuffed animals were my audience and my Pink hair moisturizer was my microphone, used for my Academy Award acceptance speech. Every time the family Volvo would stop in front of Church on Sunday's, I would imagine someone opening my door for me, I'd step out onto the red carpet, cameras flashing and fans screaming. I wouldn't hear my dad yelling at me to hurry up and get out of the car, I wouldn't see the steps of the church, All I would see is lights. I've used the law of attraction, over and over again; Not even on purpose. So why now in my late twenties am I not famous and sitting on a beach writing my next timeless classic? Why am I not turning Tyler Perry down for a role in his new film and accepting an offer from James Cameron?
Pessimistic as it appears, I've always seen my life as a nefarious plot against me. I like the idea of reality transforming as a result of mere imagination; but it begs the question:
Will I ever be satisfied with my life?
Is anyone ever truly satisfied with their reality?
Why can't we live in the moment?
Why are we chasing conveyor belts?
What is the true lie?
The idea that we can change our lives with daydreams?
Or the notion that our lives need to be changed at all?
We unknowingly suffer in a society based on fear and messages of unfulfillment.
You can change a life with a blog. You can be famous in your community. You can meet a friend at the park rather than waiting for two thousand friends on Facebook to like a status.
Maybe what we need to attract is not the lifestyles of others....
Maybe we need to attract ourselves.