Thursday, October 21, 2010

Reading the Real "Housewives" of Atlanta

Noticed any changes on the Real Housewives of Atlanta?
They're essentially replacements for the other two boring frauds, oops I mean wives, from the previous seasons...

Exit Lisa Woo Hartwell and Deshawn Snow. Enter stuck up prudish bitch #1 and 2

Phaedra Parks, a successful attorney, has represented "numerous" (pushing it) famous celebrities including Bobby Brown, but on the show, all we see her working with so far is some thug looking loser who has a marijuana possession charge. Do high profile attorneys represent such minor people with such minor offenses? I mean the guy looked like Red Kool Aid is his version of a Bloody Mary, I'm just saying. Phadrea does add some entertaining drama. She's polorizing like Kim Zolciak but not as triflin. She's a holier than thou, eye shadow overusing, diva bitch disguised as a southern bell. And her husband, though sexy, is more boring than she is, the most exciting thing about him is his tatted up biceps and criminal record. He's clearly not as successful nor as driven as she is. (usually walking around the kitchen in a tank top while she gets ready for work) I get the feeling that he married her to get access to the most beautiful women of Atlanta. ...Their pocket books that is... If he lands a more profitable vagina, he will divorce the bitch in a hot-flash. However, Phaedra did mention that he signed a pre-nup....Why she felt she had to divulge that information is beyond me. Sounds like a bitch is insecure. I'm just saying.

Cynthia Bailey is a self proclaimed super model who I've never seen or paid attention to, talking about she's been up there on the runway with the top models. She may have been but her personality sure hasn't garnered her Tyra or Kimora attention where she can hold her own on a reality show. She can't even hold my attention between blinks. The first few episodes barely even feature the bitch and when we do see her, she's bitching about how a guy wants to propose to her. (I can't even get dinner and a movie from a guy) She aint married, yet she's on a show about housewives, of course a lot of these "housewives" aren't married, but this bitch doesn't even want to get married nor is a divorcee like many of the others.
Cynthia and her commitment issues can be kicked off like yesterday!

Sheree finds herself a new man whose got a fat doctor bank account and a balding phenomenon that I've never witnessed before. A landing strip right down the center of his head, so pronounced, that I was waiting for Air Force One to land. Yes we can! And yes I did!

Nene opened the season with a hot breathed "you gave Greg 10 thousand dollars!?" rampage at a function; however it made me wonder if she was trying to pull what got Sheree so much attention last season. Remember the party planner? Yea the first episode was all about Sheree, and now this first episode was all about Nene and her attack on a defenseless little gay hobbit, oops I mean Dwight. (Calm down I'm gay!)

Is Greg sticking his AARP penis in Dwight's Latoya Jackson asshole on the downlow? I'm just asking...

Kim Zolciak and Kandi, the delusional "pop stars" of the show, provided musical interludes thoughout the season, but other than that, they were disposable. Kim provided some usual drama and if it wasn't for her, we wouldn't have been able to enjoy the eye candy at the gay white party that she performed her annoying, overplayed club hit "Tardy for the Party." She was almost tardy for her own damn performance in which Kandi ended up over-shadowing her in.
***Note to Kim, DON'T ASK A DEFUNCT R&B STAR TO ACCOMPANY YOU ON STAGE, THE BITCH IS LIKELY TO UPSTAGE YOU! (Kandi somehow thought that the gay shirtless dancers behind her were the ladies of Xscape)

It seems that every Bravo show has to have a token Queen (flamboyant homosexual)
And in ATL Housewives we get 2!
Dwight and the other Queen, forget her name, Sheree's hairstylist, informed Sheree quite matter-of-factly that Dwight is a "STUNT QUEEN" Which is popular terminology in the gay lifestyle defined as a person whose not as wealthy as they put on. Dwight wears polyester but if anyone asks, it's silk. He may have assisted with a few things at Sheree's fashion show last year, but if anyone asks, he spent $30,000 on the show. CATCH MY DRIFT...? Good.

And finally, I have to say that this season was not as exciting as season two, between Nene's televised nose job and Kandi's convenient musical endeavors, it seemed that the "Housewives" of Atl were a bit desperate this season.

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