He's the dirt under my fingernails
Nothing left of us...
But filth.
I put in work
And all I have to show for it
Is a Hallmark card
signed sincerely,
instead of love.
He's the "FUCK"
He's the "HATE"
The cursing in the truck
The refusal to compromise
Years worth of lies.
He's a heart racing
When he appears there...
My captivated attention
While he gives me a blank stare.
A slut in disguise
In white Hanes underwear.
He's the cute voicemail
I can't seem to delete,
It's been several weeks
But the thought him
Still makes me weak.
He's humiliation
in front of friends
A phony for the camera lens...
Liberation
I thought I'd get
When I moved on...
But I miss his quick wit.
Miss how his nose folds
When he smiles...
Yet I remember
Crying on bathroom floor tiles,
Indifference in the other room.
He was a miracle
But also a miserable
regret.
The touch felt real
But words performed like alibi's.
Only one hit of him
Got me high
But he was a drug
so feelings weren't legitimized.
He's the only one
who made me feel anything,
Whether love or hate
I couldn't get off his ride,
Just wish I'd noticed
he wasn't tall enough to ride mine.
But he was big enough for some things,
and the man could wine and dine...
Hell I don't mind paying the fine
For his petty mind crimes...
Because for once in my life
I was effected on the inside.
He's the sweat stains on my tee shirt
The holes in my soles
A million miles of feelings
and I'm broke from all the tolls.
His kisses masked
an apathetic mind
If I'd only noticed the grime
on his fraudulent road signs,
I wouldn't be here
Sulking over lost time.
On second thought,
Dirt aint nothing
But shit needing to be cleaned
And I've got antibacterial soap
on my team.
I'll wash him away
One finger a day
Washing my hands of him.
Scrubbing and rubbing
until I'm ready for REAL lovin',
He can keep on
Cackling with his coven...
Because his dirt
His hurt
His hall of mirrors tour
won't live here no more.
No more bullshit at my door!
.
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