Marriage is what happens to OTHER people

Being gay for me as always been depressing. To grow up never imagining a real relationship as one is surrounded by constant reminders that your very attractions are wrong. The dating scene seems to only be established online, and they refuse to see you as more than a sexual object; the protocols of top or bottom and "what do you get into?" The high standards and the low expectations. The feelings of loneliness as all of your heterosexual friends find love and develop families. You enter adulthood in a brave new world of legalized gay marriage but you can't help but be cynical about the entire thing. Afterall, where would you ever meet this dream lover? Most will never approach you and you'd never approach them. The good ones seem to already be in relationships but then again, you had a threesome with that couple last week. What hope is there left if even the couples seem to be at the clubs? Does anyone in the land of promiscuity want an actual committed relationship? Being gay is like being invisible, or at least that's my story. He could be as charming as he wants to be, but the Prince never seems to show up. Love is a word I've often only used in reference to my parents, I've never thought it could take on another meaning. I never envisioned holding hands and worrying over wedding plans. It's not that I don't want it, it's just that it doesn't seem possible. I've been told that guys like me aren't relationship material. You're too quirky, you have nothing going for yourself, who could take you seriously? I've tried to wear masks. Tried to simmer myself down but my water always boils. I'm colorful and I embrace myself. Maybe what we need to do is marry ourselves first. Waiting for a galloping horse has only brought me to wasted months with guys who say sweet things in the bedroom but can barely look me in the eye in public. The rammifications of being me. I dream of a honeymoon in Hawaii complete with a guy who likes every quirky aspect of the craziness that is my mind. But it's just a dream. Romance doesn't happen on this side of the tracks. For now, I cynically attend other people's weddings, take a shot of vodka and write my poetry.

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH

Mister Smart phone,

Stupidity.

Mister the games on,

Misery.

I haven't seen much of you lately

Just a bunch of bullshit

From your Qwerty.

The fact is

you're not even worthy

But slowly, surely

I'm hung up on your jury,

choking on the verdict...

Good dick just isn't worth it.

Passion fruit kisses

But a lot of your hoes

can bare witness.

Your best friend

Is really your mistress

You moaned his name

in six positions on the mattress.

Mumbling Chris when you hit this

I guess first loves

never die

relentless.

Your tongue

so good to my insides

I can't get off of this ride.

These days you hardly come by

Routines of catching you in lies.

Hanging with your boys

no surprise,

I know that queen

will keep you buzzing

'round her bee hive.

My cop friend knows

How fast you drive...

Pulled you over near her exit

on the seventy five.

Shit

I'm looking too good

To be an on-call whore

condom wrapper

glowing on your dirty ass floor...

Who'd you use that on?

Was it Grinder slutty Sean?

Nigga you're a joke

Facebooking for your pokes.

I'm rocking my own boat

Since you aint even here to stroke.

Sure,

you always look good

So hood

But you're not in this

like I thought you would.

Your job, your games, your boys

Your hoe-wood fame

But my gullibility is the one to blame.

You were the only to console me

The only one to hold me down

but all the sleeping around

The bitches in the pound

Has me searching for my heart

In lovers lost and found.

Love is not enough

When trust is so tough

Our history is

keeping me in handcuffs.

I'm hoarding all of your stuff

Love is not enough...

Liberty

No one has ever emerged into a doorway quite like him. With a box in his hands he arrived in your dorm room, calling himself your roomate. As time went on, through restless nights, lying awake, listening to him toss and turn, you grew fond of the trivial things. The way he would chew on one side of his mouth; the comical way his eyebrows would lift as he told a funny story and the relentless charm that effortlessly shined through his smile. Heterosexual was the protocol that had been established. Frat house parties and tales of women littered your wishful thinking. And there were those moments, when all seemed possible. Candy for your delusions. He arrived in the room damp, wrapped in a towel as he prepared for bed. You, at your desk, pretending to read a biology textbook as you scanned his anatomy with your peripheral vision. He was a vision. A case of diamonds on a mountain top you couldn't climb to reach. You'd notice how he'd stroke his hair back in Sociology, you even knew the scent of his after shave. It wasn't until graduation, that a right foot met a left one. A knee caressed another knee. As tassel emancipated itself into the air, you were caught up in his stare. The high voltage appeared to be in vain, Soon ushered away by a life which would arrest you. You were obsessed with his ghost which haunted your fantasies, But he was a geographical impossibility. As you lay with nameless bodies who'd be gone by morning, an ocean of regrets inundated your mind. The void could never fill, no matter how many gay clubs you'd frequent, or how many photos you'd masturbate to. Missed opportunities seem more obvious now. A quick search on Facebook even slaps you in the face as you become stunned at your own idiocy. Yet now, staring at the friend request button, you don't know what to say to him if you were to send him a message. You hit the button and five minutes later, accepted. Ten minutes later, a message appears. "I've always thought of you. Glad we have reconnected," He writes. The simplicity is surprisingly overwhelming. With each day, the messages grow more profound and numbers are exchanged. The day arrives when you've agreed to reunite. He flies to Philadelphia, where you now work as a realtor. It's a warm, early October day. You stand by the Liberty Bell observing every human that comes your way. You wonder if he'll look the same. Every gust of wind sends tingles down your spine. Every new face that arrives makes your fingers shake even more. But as those familiar hazel eyes appear before you, as he smiles right into you, sending shockwaves of charm with each dimple that forms, your body relaxes. You feel like a lost puppy that is finally home. As a strand of his hair blows in the wind, he reaches up and strokes it back like he used to do in Sociology. He walks up to you, bold and beautiful as his image blurs the surrounding scenery. He reaches for your hand. His olive skin against your carmel hand, interlocked. No words need to be said. He's got the eyebrows that will make you both crack up laughing. One facial expression, an inside joke about how you looked when you tasted a concoction at a party. Finally, you both laugh again. Dimples again. In front of that bell, you boldly hold hands in a way fraternity life wouldn't allow you to. There's that scent of aftershave again. No more mask. Liberty at last.

Lost at Sea

In another world...

You write my name in the sand

tide coming in on my heart.

You know my journey,

the ships that have capsized,

the planks I've been made to walk.

Stranded at sea with treasure seeking pirates

and I'm not even aware...

Figured I didn't need to signal you

that there was no one out there.

I'm drowning

and surrounded by sharks.

Devouring integrity

and lusting after blood.

Your distant voice assures me,

that I can walk on water.

But I'm losing faith.

How can I believe with all the stolen treasure?

They've brought typhoons...

sea creatures...

DOOM

but somehow I could feel you in the light of the moon.

My sails, they ripped to shreds

 I've lost my way

my compass is dead.

 Arriving with maps to a make believe place,

the hooked handed pretender

turns my love into waste

I know you're out there

even if the horizon doesn't reveal

I just hope when I arrive

torn to pieces

that that a mirage

is finally real.

I know you're not perfect

You've never been one to boast

But compared to this odyssey of destruction

 You're my inevitable Gold Coast.

Love Doesn't Happen this Late...

Headlights burning bright
Anxiously sitting in my ride.
He's looking from the doorway
Waiting for me to come inside.
Belvedere and a jacuzzi
His version of dinner and a movie
This hopeless romantic
Horny and frantic
Here I go....
Walking toward the bandit
 
  I've always thought of him as fate
  But cupid's love doesn't happen this late...

Street lights
filter through the blinds
Illuminated grey and hazel eyes.
Tingling vibe from his aura
I can barely feel my thighs.
I can't believe
He invited me over
Don't want to tease
Please don't come closer.
  
   I'd rather serve you hot food on a plate
   But of course love doesn't happen this late
 
Nervous small talk
About limited edition posters
Examining trophies against the wall
Bulging out of your shorts
It seems you don't want to talk at all
Why couldn't this be a date?
But love doesn't happen this late
Here comes vodka pouring
Now the hormones are soaring
Talking up against my neck
The alcohol is taking affect
You take your shirt off
like a porn star
Pulling from the bottom
I need to run back to my car

 

   I used to think of you and masturbate
  We'd make love on the interstate
  But love doesn't happen this late

Descending into the hot waters
Abdominals soaking wet from the foam
I should've stayed my ass home
Smelling like hotcakes and caramel
Announcing he's on the D.L.
Don't ask don't tell
I'm better than this dirty secrecy
Like a service rendered
Without the perk of money
Teeth tear the gold
My bodies hot
But my heart is cold...

  Why doesn't he want to wait?
   I should've known that love doesn't happen this late...

TRAGIC MIKE: Magic Mike Movie Review

I'll admit it, I went to see "MAGIC MIKE" excited about the prospect of enjoying big dicks and sweaty abdominal muscles thrusting on the BIG SCREEN, but I HOPED it would just be a perk to an intricate storyline. Unfortunately, thongs WERE the story and a story that Mr. Channing seemed to be rather ashamed of. Tatum Channing, Channing Tatum, Tater Tots, whatever his name is, can't write. (He apparently played some role in it's writing) His supposed BREAKTHROUGH role of playing himself in my opinion was his worst movie to date. How is it that you're playing yourself yet your acting is horrible? 50 Cent pulled it off perfectly, Channing...not so much. First of all, Mr. Tatum isn't the best actor in the world but boy were some of those supporting actors horrible! (The sister of "The Kid" having the same stupid tight lipped expression and longer than needed close up shots) The only interesting part of the film were the greased up half-naked specimens. But without a progressive plot, rising action, pay-offs and internal conflict that goes beyond sad puppy faces, I was left wanting more. I mean, if I just wanted a superficial night of blue balls, I'd just hit up a certain strip club in DC where I can enjoy LIVE TANGIBLE BALLS IN MY FACE. (If you're expecting masturbation material, this movie is not for you, I recommend porn instead)

I wasn't impressed with the film and I didn't even get to see Mr. Tatum's package! You do however get to see his tater tots (ass cheeks) I love "Alceed" from Trueblood but for some reason he wasn't jack off material in this film. Tatum should be in Ciara's next music video, he can dance his ass off. Don't waste your time with this film. If you want to see naked men, this isn't the film for you; download some porn. I mean, don't get me wrong, Tater Tots can move, he's got the moves that Jagger wishes he had in the bedroom and it had me imagining all sorts of X rated scenarios, but the problem was, there were NO X RATED SCENARIOS! Beyond that, the audience is continuously teased with character development that never follows through. The supporting actor, "The Kid" seemed to me like more of a main character than "Mike" with all his drug use, horrible interpersonal skills and overall downward spiral that is almost glorified. He managed to take Tatums horrible script and run with it because he performed the best acting of the entire cast. He seemed like a train wreck but I personally wanted the debris cleaned up. I was rooting for him but the writing didn't allow me to see him start the race. With "Magic Mike" I was indifferent. Watching his acting is like watching a wax figure until he morphs into something out of America's Best Dance Crew. You hate to see the stripping scenes end for two reasons: 1. Those dude are sexy as hell and 2. We want to avoid the porn film-esque acting and awkward dialogues. SHUT UP AND DANCE! WHAT WAS SO MAGICAL ABOUT MAGIC MIKE? I had no empathy for him. His personality?  Damn near nonexistent. His good deeds? He was way too nice to strangers who were indifferent to him and was portrayed as a good guy only because he was in the midst of drug users and egoists. It seemed that Channing wasn't honest about the scope of his mentality back in the day. I find it hard to believe that he didn't do hard drugs or slap a bitch who got out of line. Come on, he has that whole WIGGA vibe about him. I can see him slapping a bitch! And we all know gay men pay more handsomely when it comes to AFTER PARTIES...Channing, we know you left out certain aspects of your "Stripping" career. That magic stick has been at some glitter parties honey. Who you foolin?!
This movie was a hot mess and I couldn't even jack off to it if it were on cable.

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The EVIL Christian God

God seems pretty evil in the Bible

Meanwhile Lucifer is mostly chillin'

Growing up a preachers kid was extremely awkward. Religion was force fed to me more than brocolli. It wasn't like I only had one preacher parent, BOTH were preachers. The Black church was full of tambourines and animated sermons about damnation. Judgments barrelled toward the congregation like cannon balls. It seemed that according to the Bible, no matter what I did, I was still destined for Hell. Whether it was because I was a bastard, or because I was gay; I never felt worthy of Gods V.I.P. party in heaven. I felt like a mistake, as if God had a bad case of bubble guts and I happened to come out with the diarrhea. With all of the judgments that these Christians had upon people like me, I began to wonder...are they really in a position to judge? Aren't they also guilty of some of the ridiculous sins God outlines through his messengers in the Bible? In the videos above, I have discussed and analyzed a lot of the scripture which condemn such things like calling your father, "father" and dressing up to go to church. Such things are overlooked by fundamentalist Christians but in the same breath they take Sodom and Gomorrah literally and condemn homosexuals. These willfully ignorant Christians, some, not all, seem to miss the fact that God isn't so righteous Himself. Throughout the Bible, God does nothing but talk about how Jealous He is of other Gods, then claims He is the only God. God constantly murders His creations with fire and floods. He COMMANDS a father to kill his son on a mountain top. God even has the audacity and cowardice to have a Son born for the sole reason of doing the dirty work. Born only to be brutally murdered so that He can save the very people who His egotistical and judgmental Father constantly condemns. If you look at God, He seems to be a bit bipolar, some type of personality disorder. One minute He loves mankind to a point of saving them from persecution; then the next, He's sending seven plagues down to kill children, women and men in the most gruesome ways possible. I never connected to this God. I always felt this God didn't love me because I was an "abomination" and afterall, in the end, there is no pleasantries in sight. Who really wants to be in Heaven with a God whose that damn jealous and tempermental? Doesn't sound like heaven to me. I'd rather be in Hell.

At least then I know where I stand from one minute to the next with Satan. I am not a Satanist or DEVIL WORSHIPPER; more of an open minded philosopher. The philosophy of the Bible is contradictory. It seems that if God is love, then God would be love and not hate. And you may want to rebute and say God's expressing "tough love" but tough love doesn't entail genocide out of jealousy. The tough love defense wouldn't fly in any modern day court of law, except of course if you are George Zimmerman. How can a God of love, hate his creations to the point of killing them repeatedly, then acting like nothing happened by putting a gay ass rainbow in the sky? How can God preach through His son, "TURN THE OTHER CHEEK" if He Himself never turns the other cheek? He will burn your ass if you disrespect Him or call Him out of His name. The punishment never seems to fit the crime. In example, "If a man also lies with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to DEATH, their BLOOD shall be upon them." Leviticus 20:13.

If God truly wanted man to be with God with no other Gods before Him, you would think God would not have created another entity to begin with. That being evil. Evil didn't just come out of no where, God had to have created it by creating free will. If God allowed for free will in His creations, one would assume He wouldn't get too upset when the creations explore that free will. God wants us to have free will, but we dare not act on it. Bite that apple and you will be GROUNDED FOR ETERNITY! So we have free will but we are made to feel AFRAID to express that free will or suffer the wrath of God. How encouraging. I don't feel enslaved at all! The free will of the angels caused Lucifer to rebel. But can you really blame Lucifer? God wasn't the most laid back understanding, patient, boss. If I had a boss that damn possessive and controlling, I'd rebel as well. And what was so bad about an angel speaking their mind in heaven? Is heaven a tyranny? Evidently, Angels can't have any opinions or notice how beautiful they are. God was on a POWER TRIP so he threw Lucifer, the most beautiful and faithful angel, out of Heaven into the abyss. Lucifer only got "evil" after God overreacted to a mere voicing of opinion and growing discomfort with being a slave to Gods ego. To me Lucifer always seemed more like a realist. Speaking of Lucifer, He doesn't seem to appear much in the Bible. God wants us to stray away from evil so diligently, yet He doesn't give evil a chance to make its case in the Bible. How can one stray away from something which is unknown? I mean, what IS considered evil? Is it homosexuality? Is it working on the Sabboth? Is it eating red apples? And what evil acts does Lucifer do in the Bible? Lucifer tempts people such as Eve and Jesus, but the things the Devil tempts them to do aren't really that bad compared to plagues and floods. So Lucifer advertises an apple tree. A tree which God created and placed in the garden. A tree which is nutricious. A tree which gives knowledge. What is so bad about knowledge?

Why is God so invested in keeping Adam and Eve so ignorant? They can't understand their body parts? They can't know what evil is? How can you be GOOD if you know nothing about EVIL? You have created nothing but drones if you don't allow your sheep to explore EVERYTHING. God wants us to be sheep. Following His word and not listening to anything else. Not being able to be objective. If it wasn't for Satan, we would be naked and stupid. I mean what is so bad about KNOWING? Evil would have presented itself eventually. Lucifer seems to do nothing but try and HELP man in the beginning, because He understands what it's like to deal with "DAD." Then all of a sudden Lucifer wants to punish us? I'll come back to that. Eve would have eventually wanted to know more than Goodness and a God whose more like a warden than a loving Father. Afterall, didn't God KNOW the future and plan it accordingly? So we were just puppets all along in His game of fools? God seems to act outraged by things which He KNOWS will happen anyway. The Bible just seems like an unbelievable, well written reality show full of shock value. A highly rated show littered with egoism and baby mama drama. I mean come on, The Virgin Mary didn't even know who her baby daddy was. One minute it's Joeseph, and the next it's God. I'm sure she had to say God since she seemed to be so proud of being a virgin. I mean damn, she's known for eternity as "THE VIRGIN Mary" Why can't she just be, "Mary"? I don't mean any harm, and I know I have pissed people off with my videos and blogs, but really, this shit doesn't add up! God doesn't even want women to speak in his churches... "Let your woman keep silence in the churches, for it is not permitted unto them to speak." 1 Corinthians. but in the conveniently LOST book of Enoch, God doesn't even want man to HAVE CHURCHES AT ALL! Contradictions abound. Bipolar much? And here is the most frustrating theorhetical parts of the Bible, at least for me...Why would Lucifer punish those who are doing EXACTLY what he is doing? We are merely rebelling against that same arrogant, pompous, bipolar, egotistically controlling Father that you rebelled against. So why punish us? Why can't we come down to Hell and smoke some good weed for an enternity with Big L Dawg? I mean, Lucifer, do you really hate the "sinners" when you don't even believe in sin? Finally, are we really to believe Jesus didn't get His Holy rocks off when in human form? All the sexy Biblical women walking around with their titties out? (Or all the sexy Biblical men) Jesus did enjoy washing a lot of mens feet. If the purpose of Jesus Christ coming to earth was to die for our sins and to experience what WE AS HUMANS experience in the flesh; then wouldn't one of those major experiences be sex? Fatherhood? Family? Betrayal is outlined with Judas, and that's something we all experience. But when is Jesus getting it in? Apparently He did.

But The Vatican considered Mary Magdalene to be too much of a risk...along with slutty angels raping human women and having GIANT babies with them. (Omitted book of Enoch)  Jesus having sex without being married would be too much of a contradiction. Right. Because all of the other contradictions are ok. Honestly, I think those angels in Sodom and Gomorrah deserved to get gang raped homo style. Afterall, angels did come down and engage in heterosexual rape with countless women. This has been the TRUE Gospel according to Isayaah. Not that "other" Prophet, "Isaiah." LOL You want people to mindlessly follow your God, you want to call people abominations, then you're going to need to deal with those of us who actually decide to read the Bible. (And it's "LOST" books) This is eternity we are talking about, why not KNOW EVERYTHING? I need to make an INFORMED DECISION. Pass me that apple Eve. Damn that's some tasty KNOWLEDGE bitch!