7 Ways to piss off other Black People

 

If you want to be excommunicated from the Black community, Black balled and dragged all over Black Twitter, here are some easy ways to make that happen.

 

 

 

 

Say you're not Black

"I don't believe in labels"

 

 

 

 

Raven-Symone's publicist needs to be placed on suicide watch. Did she not coach her client and tell her what not to say on television? Raven had come so far in her career. She'd escaped tabloid scandal and had been embraced by the Black community since she was three years old. Yet at twenty-eight years old, after a successful run on Cosby, That's so Raven and the Broadway musical Sister Act, she decided to sit with Oprah and exclaim that she is NOT African American.

 

 



 

"I am American, and that is colorless," said Raven to Oprah in a sit-down interview during a segment of "Where are they Now?" Where Raven is now, can be affectionately called, HELL.

 

Oprah gave her a chance to redeem herself, "Explain what you meant by that, because the internet is not going to let you live..." said Oprah, not verbatim but paraphrased. The ex role model and media darling dug her grave even deeper as she stated that her ROOTS are in Louisiana. She continued by saying that she does not know where in Africa her ancestors are from.

 

HARPO BEAT HER!

It's interesting, that Raven's SISTER ACT producer, Whoopi Goldberg said the same thing many years ago. Social media didn't exist then, so her career continued.

 

I was not offended by Raven, I understood her message that wasn't well articulated, but did give her the side-eye when she said she has an interesting nice grade of hair. I thought that contradicted her role in the film, "GOOD HAIR"

 

Raven at the red carpet premiere for "GOOD HAIR"

 

What the fuck does your hair texture have to do with being labeled? You are light skin, you don't want to be called African American and you mentioned your "good grade" of hair, YOU IN DANGER GIRL!

You know Black women aint going for that, especially the natural hair community!

 

Twitter unleashed on her. People called for a boycott, (as if she has anything to boycott?) arguments ensued on Facebook and every Negro across the nation held hands and sang, "WE SHALL OVERCOME!" Raven became the instant enemy. She denied herself, and denied us all. Self proclaimed internet scholars claimed she has identity issues, "What about her BLACKNESS?!" They typed in capital letters!

 

Receipt of Twitter DRAGGING her

 

You see, Black people take race issues very seriously. The mere mention of race gets their blood boiling. Mention "colorless" and they will hand you a mirror. They are consumed with skin color and entranced by labels. Labels which Whites gave them but that's another blog. If you have brown skin, you better say you are Black. If you are Tiger Woods, you must hate Black women if you choose to sleep with White Blonde women and claim you are MIXED and not Black. 

Tiger Woods clowned by Dave Chappelle and many others in the Black community

 

If your skin is Brown, you better be on television singing Negro spirituals and giving thanks to your African ancestors. You better label yourself either African American or Black. You are not allowed any wiggle room. Because saying you are beyond labels, that you are worldly, and even having the audacity to acknowledge other ethnicities flowing through your blood is blasphemy. Red Black and Green will ban you from all cookouts, fish fry's and BET award shows.

 

Apparently Raven Symone is racist, compared to Paula Dean

 

 

Raven is colorless alright, that's why she sat up there with purple roots and turquoise ends. She can reject labels all she wants to, but the Black community will call her a coon and a confused Black rich woman who thinks she is White because she achieved.  As for me, all I heard was that she doesn't know what country, what tribe her ancestors are from. As long as she spoke of her African roots, I was appeased, but then again, the Black community disowned me years ago.

 

Date White Women

 



Scandal, is a record breaking hit amongst Black women. Shonda Rimes, probably the most successful Black female television producer of all time, knew how to get Black women to watch. She had a Black woman fuck White men.

 

BLACK WHORE: EARN YOU? AFTER YOU GIVE UP YOUR PUSSY THERE IS NO EARNING, HE HAS YOU

 

Oh yes, it is acceptable in the Black community for a Black woman to ride all the White dick she wants to, it is in fact glorified as Black men are constantly dogged.

 

Yet when Black men choose to be exclusive to White women, Black women read them for filth and Black hypocritical men shake their heads at them to appease their Black sistas. These same Black men typically prefer their Black women in Blonde weaves, you know I'm telling the truth Vincent Herbert. (Blonde hair hat wearing Tamar Braxton's husband)

 

Tamar said in a confessional that husband Vince prefers her blonde, while she exhibited jealousy of his White trainer

 

If you are Taye Diggs, you better not date White women if you want be marketable to the "STELLAS" of the Black community. He's not helping any sistas get their groove back, and they HATE him for it. Tiger Woods isn't at the BET Awards nor is he speaking at Historically Black schools. I'm sure he wants to, but they won't invite him. He never said he doesn't have Black in him, he said he is mixed and wants to accept both of his ancestries. But Black people were not having that at all. The White women he parades around only infuriated Blacks even more.

 

 

 

My fellow Black men, this extends to gays as well. Michael Sam and many others were dragged by the Black gay community for dating White men. There wasn't any applause for their coming out from Black gays, they were too many dragging them for not shacking up with Tyrone. You better call Tyrone and leave Trevor alone!

 

Glorify Light Skin

Young Berg of Love and Hip Hop Hollywood said in a radio interview many years ago, that he only dates light skin chicks. Well, we haven't heard any music from him since. Now he is on VH1 parading around mixed and White women and the Black community is still salty.

 

Is anyone scolding Rihanna for only dating light skin men? I don't think so. She never said she was exclusive to light skin men but it is apparent.

If you are light skin, you need to hang your head in shame. Black people want you to understand that you are privileged because you are high yellow. Beyoncé can only get to where she is because she is light skin. India Airie lost all six Grammy's because she is dark and Alicia Keys is light. It is that simple. You dare not say in a public forum that you only date light skin. You cannot make it seem like light skin is preferable in any way. You can barely say that Beyoncé is beautiful without someone asking you why you didn't say the same thing about Lupita.

 

Lupita was glorified as the most beautiful Black woman to walk the face of the earth. Yes she is gorgeous, but it all seemed contrived. Black people enjoy uplifting a dark skin woman because by doing so, the Black race sees you as being pro Black. You cannot be pro Black and think that light skin is also beautiful. We are taught that light skin is evil. Light skin people are advantaged, and it goes all the way back to slavery. We have this uneducated assumption that light skin slaves were in the home, folding napkins and smoking cigars with the slave master. There were dark skin house slaves as well, that is only a myth.

When Beyoncé appeared in a Loreal ad campaign looking airbrushed and Caucasian, Black people dragged the hair company for filth. In fact, bright lights are incapable of making someone's skin look lighter. There are no such thing as undertones in a person's skin, Beyoncé does not have Creole heritage and it is the mission of Hollywood to turn every Black celebrity into Britney Spears.

 

So enough sarcasm, I agree that white washing does occur and it seems that celebrities do get lighter as they get more successful, (Michael Jackson is the poster child) but it seems that Blackness in the Black community equates to kinky hair and dark skin.

 

In fact, most of the African indigenous populations consist of light skin people of color. Your ancestors are from Africa, but they may not have been dark skin at all. African does not mean black as a chalkboard all of the time. It doesn't always mean kinky hair either. (Ethiopia, Morocco, I could go on)

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, SHE IS WEST AFRICAN

 

 



And she is EAST AFRICAN

If you are a light skin celebrity like Vanessa Williams, be prepared to answer questions about your privilege, and if you are Lupita, be ready to go on a speaking tour about the problems of your dark skin. Your beauty crown means nothing to the Black community, because you are light skin. They figure, oh she has light eyes and skin the color of sand so she doesn't count, congrats to Kenya Moore! And we will blame your eyes and butter toned skin for the darker version of you that wasn't able to climb as high.

 

 

Colorism in the Black community seems to get worse each decade, especially now with the internet and things like Instagram. Just know, pissing other Blacks off is simpler when you are light skin. After all, every less successful dark skin chick who is around you is being hindered by you. She's in her feelings and airing out her dirty laundry.

 

Be a Republican

 

 

Stacey Dash was able to be Black for much of her career, even as a valley girl who hung out with the likes of a rich white Alicia Silverstone in Clueless. Everything was going well for her, she got to star in a Kanye West video, she was a sex symbol for Black men and got to star in a Black television series called "Single Ladies". One day she decided that she was not going to vote for Obama and didn't care who knew about it. She had the audacity to support Romney and proclaim that she had become a republican. In America, if you are Black, you are not allowed to be a republican in the modern era. You are not allowed to support a White candidate, much less a republican if there is a perfectly healthy Black democrat on the ballot.

 

Oh she is a sell out, they said. She is a coon, they exclaimed. She was dragged, she was disowned by her people and she is now the most hated Black woman in America by Black people. FOX loves her of course. Checks are still rolling in as she delivers her Constitutional right to express her viewpoints in front of a live audience. But fuck the constitution, fuck a democracy, fuck having your own mind when your skin is brown. You need to understand the rules of Black Club. Black people are homogenous, we think alike, we always vote for the same party because it is our obligation. Deviate from the rules of Black Club and you will be hunted down and slapped by Pam Grier.

Vivica aint having no fellow Black actresses vote Republican either

 

You cannot love your heritage and vote republican at the same time, even if Obama hasn't facilitated much change for the Black community. Regardless of his initial lack luster response to Katrina and overall fucked up Presidency, George W. Bush was involved in more work that benefited the Black community than Obama has. (RESEARCH IT)

 

• Appointed the first two African American (I don't believe in labels lol) secretaries of state in the nations history; Appointed more Blacks to cabinet posts than Clinton and Obama.
• Increased funding to historically Black colleges and universities by 30% from 2001-2005 spending $371 million
• Spent $200 million so that 40,000 low-income families will have help purchasing their first home
• First president to approve funding for a national historic Black museum
• Approved funding for Rosa Parks memorial
• Signed voting rights act extension without amendments, July 2006 and May 2002
• President's Emergency Plan for AIDS relief (PEPFAR) starting 2003, increased the number of Africans receiving antiretroviral drugs to nearly 2 MILLION by the time he left office.
• Obama proposed a cut of nearly 12% in PEPFAR funding...

I voted for Obama, I expected change, the sun didn't rise. I am not a republican, never voted for one, but what I will say is that people regardless of their skin color should have a right to a political opinion.

 

If you are Black and are on FOX News, but you are not cussing someone out, then you are the enemy.

 You are an uncle Tom. Fuck Fox News, their network is complete bullshit and most of them just do not understand the Black struggle. I do agree with that. While it is a storage facility for cooning Uncle Toms, I do think that someone has the right to be Black, a republican and work for Fox just like a White person has that right. Otherwise, how are we any better to deny a Black person a check and means to feed their family? We can disagree, sure, but acting as if we should all be on MSNBC is a bit unrealistic. I disagree with Stacey Dash because of my ideology. I disagree with Bill O'Reilley because of my ideology. But I do think they have the right to be there.

 

Deny Jesus
 

 

As the son of two preachers, I was introduced to White Jesus at a very young age. I gave my life to Christ as a little boy who felt like it was my duty. Jesus was my initiation into Blackness, as the tambourines were banged and sista Myrtle caught the spirit on the front row.

 

The Black church reared me to never stray from the Lord and enjoy the bake sale after service.

As I got older, some say rebellious, I read about my ancestors. The names that were changed, the tribes in chains, the spirituality traded for the White mans Bible. I began to embrace my African roots, the polytheistic view and the illustrations of deities who look like myself.

My spirituality began a journey to where it is today, some where in the agnostic point of view. I simply do not have any answers and I am open to suggestion, but I am not committed to religion. Black people take issue with this. Black men will not date me because of this. If you are Black, then your ass needs to be in the church reciting scripture that was translated by the White power structure in the Vatican. You need to worship a copycat of the many African and east Asian deities, a bootleg imitation called Jesus. The only pre-approved religion is Islam. You can sell a bean pie or two, but you better not come up in here saying you're not religious at all.

You better be apart of the religion that divided Africa, enslaved Africa, conformed African Americans. You see, Black people do not understand that loving Jesus is sleeping with the enemy. That is blasphemy. They take their Christianity seriously, as they should, it is their faith, but most dismiss it's history and demean other Blacks who reject it. No, you are Black, so you come on and fellowship with us, put your money in the offering plate and help out the bank account of T.D. Jakes.
 

On every Black reality show, Jesus has to make his grand entrance. Have you ever seen a Black show where the characters were not Christian? Phaedra Parks has a prayer cloth but she represents a man who can suck his own dick at parties. She walks around in a thong yet she loves the Lord.

Beyonce knows that Black people wont support her if she admits her occultist associations. So she continues her "so blessed" commentary, appears in Michelle Williams, "Say Yes" video and wears her Baphomet ring to her concert while gyrating on a chair.

TO GET BACK IN THEIR GOOD GRACES, REMIND THEM YOU ARE CHRISTIAN....YEA...

Tyler Perry got rich off of Jesus. Black church buses wouldn't leave the church parking lot if Madea was a Black Jew. And as for you, your Blackness membership card comes with an obligation to promote Jesus every chance you get. Attend church at least a couple of Sunday's out of the year and make sure look sexy at church. If you do not support the birthplace of the civil rights movement, the sanctuary, then you are the enemy.

Rev. Jamal Bryant of Empowerment Temple of Baltimore MD, slams gays

Service starts at 11 a.m., where Pastor Jamal Bryant will be reading from the book of GAYS ARE EVIL, Chapter 6 verse 66. As a gay Black male, you will have your own reserved seat, located in the choir loft. If you choose to have a more dynamic role, we ask that you deny your sexuality in public in order for you to be named Pastor. Which brings me to my next point....

 

Support Gay Rights

Compare it to Civil Rights

 

 

Did you think Black people were going to allow you to think you are equal? You must have bumped  your head. You surely won't be getting married here, not up at Christ Redeemer of the First Tabernacle Baptist Church for All People. Not up in here! Kim Kardashian can get remarried here before you can honey. Grab that tambourine and sing His praises while the pastor tells you how demonic you are.

You cannot be a Black pastor and stand for gay rights and expect for the church mothers to return next Sunday. Oh no, your job is to stand in that pulpit and compare gays to prostitutes and drug dealers. (Jamal Bryant)

The worst thing you as a homosexual can do is compare the gay equality movement to the civil rights movement. Blacks inform you that the public bus has open seating and then call you everything but a child of God. Even though a young man was nearly beaten to death at Morehouse College for being gay, you are delusional to think gays are not treated fairly in this country.

Regardless of the fact that it is perfectly legal in many states to deny employment based on sexual orientation, your struggle bares no comparison. So shut your mouth, come on down to conversion camp led by Pastor Eddie Long. He will make sure he fucks all the gay away.

 

 

Black people hate gays more than they hate racists. They accept heterosexual whores before homosexual families. A pastor can literally cheat on his wife and discuss the sanctity of marriage being ruined by those evil homosexuals. So come on now, you can't support gay rights, you can't be gay and love Jesus at the same time, even if Jesus had documented orgies with His disciples.

 

Everyone in the congregation has contributed to a Black drag queen becoming a millionaire, but they don't dare support gay rights.

 

 

When pastor offers testimonies, go up to the front, grab the mic and exclaim that you are gay and thank God for bringing you a soul mate.

 

The pastor will smile, come up to you and say lovingly,

 

"I REBUKE THESE DEMONS IN THE NAME OF WHITE JESUS!"

 

Blame Blacks for their Circumstances

Hold them Accountable

 





 



 “I can’t even talk the way these people talk,” legendary comedian Bill Cosby said. “Why you ain’t, where you is, who you be…Everybody knows it’s important to speak English except these knuckleheads…You will never get any kind of job making a decent living,” he added.

Black people didn't like that at all, he was labeled a coon and Uncle Tom of course by the Black masses with their predictable reactions.
And he was not finished...
"People used to be ashamed” of having children with multiple men, Cosby continued, "but today a woman has eight children with eight different ‘husbands’ or men, whatever you call them now."

This is where it got REAL,

What part of Africa did this come from? We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don’t know a thing about Africa. With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap, and all of them are in jail. 
Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person’s problem. We have got to take the neighborhood back. We have millionaire football players who cannot read. We have million-dollar basketball players who can’t write two paragraphs. We as black folks have to do a better job. Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us. We have to start holding each other to a higher standard. 

 



 

Holding each other to a higher standard is frowned upon in the Black community. Want to piss them off? Call them out on their shit. Don't blame the evil White government for the plight of urban Blacks, instead, recommend they make some changes that may help their situation. You know, because being a successful Black man who made a way out of no way in the midst of racism is not allowed to give a harsh critique of his people.

 

Enter Don Lemon,

 

 

"Some are saying Bieber is racist,” Lemon said. “Is he? I don’t know. But I do know that this is the danger of the proliferation of the use of the n-word.” He said people hear the word in music and on the street to the point where “subliminally they become immune.” And he recalled times he has heard it recently in public, from and about people of all ethnicities.

 

 

“Clearly Justin Bieber, a young man who by the way, has immersed himself in black, hip hop culture should not be saying the n-word,” Lemon concluded. “So the question is, if you want people like Justin Bieber to stop using it and to stop making excuses for using it, shouldn’t you do the same?”

You would have thought Don Lemon congratulated Bieber for using the N word. It was as if Lemon attended a KKK rally where they wore white after Labor Day. Black people shunned him as expected. Justin, a notorious lover of Hip Hop, clearly listens to music with the N word in it. He said NIGGA, not the other version, though he shouldn't be using EITHER, lets be clear that he used the "HIP HOP" version of the word. So why is it inappropriate to question the music which a lot of White kids buy that promotes such language? Because you are placing some blame on other Black people, and Blacks can do no wrong.

That being said, Fuck Justin Bieber!

It doesn't matter if Black people are murdering each other at alarming rates in the south side of Chicago, questioning Blacks themselves for this behavior is taboo. The appeasing response would be to blame the White institution for neglecting Black youth causing them to turn to crime for survival. Blame Whites for slavery, breaking up the Black family and causing Black youth to turn to gangs for a sense of family. Of course this is all true, yet I have a feeling that some where in that story is a Black person who made a wrong decision, I could be wrong.

If you want your people to hate you, go ahead, take a stand against someone getting their head blown off. If you want to appease them, go to the funerals, cry about the deaths, but make sure you don't snitch. SNITCHING is the number one cause of death in the Black community.  We don't need more Black people in prison, even if they murdered. Piss the fuck out of your brothas and sistas and claim that Black on Black crime is the real problem in our community. Just make sure you say it after a national tragedy like Michael Brown or Trayvon Martin. Trust me, I am Black and actually, that pisses me off! The news doesn't show Black people marching against Black on Black crime. However, if you want to piss other Black people off, go right ahead, just don't tell them I sent you. Don't be a snitch.

 

 

 

 



6 Young Male Celebs You Secretly Want to Fuck

Nick Jonas

Strummin' my Pain

I can't name one song from the Jonas Brothers, I don't even know what he sounds like when he talks, But I've always known one thing, THIS MOTHAFUCKA IS HOT!

Most people have made jokes about his recent Marky Mark esque sexy pics where he grabs his Calvin Klein crotch with jeans around his knees. You joke and shake your head, but honey, yall are just like me, waiting to get off work so you can lube up!

TAKE IT OFF DADDY

Many of us remember him as a curly haired minor with his corny brothers, so we feel guilty about licking our lips at his beautifully tan body. But now, he's twenty-two and FINE!!!! His sweaty body on stage and the cockiness in his swag makes you imagine him handcuffed to your bed. You envision him being a romantic, you are confident that those fingers which expertly manipulate instruments, could stimulate your...He's the type to make love by candlelight. He's the type who you call ADORABLE around your girlfriends but daddy in the privacy of your bedroom fantasies.

Cougars, he's the young man from down the street who cuts your grass and you invite him in for a glass of water. Surprisingly, he does things to you that your ex husband never could and you quickly forget that you're twice his age. And gays, he is the Houseboy who drives you and your partner wild!

Is it those succulent lips that look like they will gently caress your lips down below?

Or is it those silver dollar brown nipples that must taste like Hersheys chocolate?
For me it's also that happy trail of wispy hair that compliments that defined v-cut. Not to be upstaged by those bedroom eyes that have you fantasizing about him naked, as he strums his guitar and serenades you with lullabies. Maybe he can tie your hands together with his sweaty tank top.
And to my GAY TOPS,
There's THIS to behold...

He's got your Big Willy Style jumping!

But you won't admit it, you'll force a sarcastic joke, you'll type SMH in the comments, but you know good and well that when this photo appeared on your Facebook feed, you stood on brick.
That tight firm ass needs to be parted like the Red Sea and my staff....
I digress.
Ladies, you hope Miley Cyrus didn't leave a virus in him but you want him to leave a baby in you. You wonder how crazy it would be for a forty year old woman to attend one of his concerts and try to get backstage.
I've got a jones for Jonas, and I don't care who knows.

Diggy 



Dig into Me



Please stop smiling young man, no, do not bat your eyes like that....How old are you? You're making me feel like Stella and I never asked to get my groove back! You were just out of diapers when that movie came out so I don't want to upset the Reverend. But good God, the boyish charm looks good on an adult body with chiseled abs. Those bedroom eyes have me feeling guilty, because I know you still have Batman sheets. You're nineteen and you're making grown people feel obscene.

What makes Diggy so irresistible? It's  that prettyboy swag, that juicy bottom lip and those romantic big brown eyes that seem like they'd pay attention to every expression of pleasure on your face. He's the type to fuck with the lights on, to make sure he does it right, to pay attention to your body and make sure his tongue is going in the right places. He's the type to give you a coconut oil massage while whispering hood shit into your ear. You've seen his shirtless pics, but only until recently have you been allowed to stare longer. Boys are men now. You slip your hand down your dress, into your pants, into your pussy, into your ass, onto your dick, into your mouth, wondering what bad things that good boy can do to you.

His body is a warm ocean of smooth,
         Silky caramel
                   and you want to ride it
                               With your surfboard.

Diggy Simmons, don't run and tell dad 
That I want to bobsled on your dick like Cool Runnings.

Wait are those bumps on his dick? Don't mean to ruin the mood

ROMEO
Shake your Spear

The best person for Diggy to tag team your ass or pussy with is ROMEO, and I hear there's nothing 'lil about him.
Though he is twenty five at the time of this blog, I had no idea he was so old. I'm not too much older than him but I somehow remember a little scrawny boy rapping. The son of Master P grew up to be downright sexy. Caramel and muscular just like Diggy, you imagine these boy toys kissing your body in unison. Their full juicy succulent lips and rapper hands simultaneously touching your nervous body. You keep forgetting that they are legal but you soon forget your first name as Romeo's thick brown dick hits the top of your tongue. Oh Romeo, where for art thou Romeo?! I will die if I can't have you. Fuck me on your basketball court, cover me in whip cream and lick it off, then SHAKE YOUR SPEAR in my ass Romeo!!!!

What is it about Romeo that makes you want to stick your breasts in his mouth? For starters, his name. There's something about the name Romeo, which is why Shakespeare used it in a romance play. You better not grow up to be ugly with a name like Romeo, you'll be bullied for life. The name fits him. You want to kiss him passionately and you get the feeling that talking dirty is his expertise.

Ohhh Romeo, hands behind your head. I'll take care of it

You want him to spit sixteen bars into your pussy, let your clitoris give him a standing ovation.

For my gays, you want him to literally spit in you, prison style, but somehow manage to make love to you simultaneously. You want to grab his bubble butt while he pumps it in from the front. You imagine that he likes to light it up while riding you. Good God, you can't get enough of Romeo, my, my, my how he has grown to five foot, eleven inches and you hope he's got the package to match.



And that's the face Romeo makes while you are sucking his big, thick, heavy, hard DICK

Ryan Sheckler

Skater Boy Toy

OOOH Ryan, you are a Capricorn like I am. There's something about a hot White skater boy. I admit, I know nothing about skateboarding or your competitions, but I do know how hot you looked on MTV. There is something about those big blue eyes and that engaging bright smile that makes a girl want to bring you home to her parents. (Until you realize they won't understand how someone can be a professional skateboarder). Ryan I will be your skateboard, fuck a surfboard, I'll do flips for you and ride you into the most exotic places.

 You're the type of guy to fuck a girl at a bonfire and make her holler like a choir. As for me, I'm not a girl, but I would dress up for you. Hell yea, I'll go all Britney Spears on that dick and scream out oh BABY BABY! I bet you don't shave down there, you're one of those all natural skater boys with armpits like a lions mane and an Amazon jungle dick. I don't mind, in fact, I prefer it. I'll take pleasure in shampooing your pubes and watching you play video games in the nude.

Ryan, I would lick the sweat from your armpits. Now lay back and let me enjoy your hard board. I want to taste those pink lips against my mouth and then you can put them anywhere you'd like. I'll gently run my fingers through that amazing full head of blonde hair while I stare into those big light eyes, immersed in love. Now stop being lovey dovey and tea bag me while you stand on the railing.

He's the high school crush that you drooled over from the other side of the cafeteria. He's with his bros, caps turned backwards and sitting on top of the table, never in a chair. You always see him in slow motion, turning toward you and smiling. You're all giddy until you realize he's smiling at that bitch behind you, Marsha, who gets whoever and whatever she wants. Then you remember, you don't even have a vagina, so you don't stand a chance, even if it weren't against Marsha. Ladies, you know you'd have him over your place to paint your spare bedroom. You make sure to turn the air conditioning off so he decides to paint shirtless. He gets paint all over that tan lean body, you offer to clean it off with your hot wet washcloth. You roll around on the floor with him, covered in wet paint, sliding all over his young hard body. 

 SHAG ME SHECKLER!!! 

Wear that diamond chain while you fuck me from the back. I want to hear it slapping against your tatted up chest. Don't worry, you can still play even though the streetlights came on.

Cameron Monaghan

Shamelessly Sexy

Shameless has to be one of my favorite shows of all time, not only because of the ridiculous Gallagher drama, but also because of the mind altering sexiness of Cameron Monaghan. He is one hot ginger. He's grown before our eyes, from a freckled face kid to a tall, hot ginger. Sort of like a male Lindsey Lohan, lol. There's an added bonus when he bares his naked ass in Shameless during gay sex scenes. I must say that he looks exactly like Gabriel Basso from The Big C, and he's hot too.

Tight white smooth muscle ass. Imagine getting fucked like this after school (He's of age in this photo)

Cameron, I want to see your red pubes so bad, I would spend the night in them. The way you fuck those men in Shameless has me reaching for my Vaseline. (The writers of the show are NOT RIGHT!)

In every film I've seen him in, he gets shirtless at some point, and my God, is it a sight to behold. He looks like he would take control. He's the kind of guy who rapes and robs you in a back alley, but you are too aroused to fight back. He bites the back of your neck, pulls your hair and fucks you hard against the wall.

You can't believe that the freckled face child actor became such a stud. It feels weird that all these kids have grown up, turned into sex symbols and all you can do is jack your dick in shame. You envision your hands caressing Cameron's tight muscle ass, pouring hot wax on it and watching him squirm. Kiss his ass, go ahead, but soon he flips over and forces you to the ground. Soon his THICK dick is slamming your ass while his military dog tag beats against his chest. He uses his spit as lube. Grab your tissues. 

You want to go skinny dipping with him, play it off as innocent fun until he lays lakeside to sun bathe. Look at his wet hair against his forehead, his six pack glistening in the sun, no, you can't resist. You straddle him, kiss his small pink lips as he thrusts his dick into your pussy, into your ass...Gay man or straight woman, you want this young stud, all of him. Inside of you, on top of you, underneath you...Swallow him whole. 

This twenty one year old with hair of gold is a SEX GOD. You say to your friends, "My has he grown into a handsome young man!" But when you get home and the doors are closed, you imagine him growing harder inside of you. He's not only handsome, but he's a HUNK. You want him to ravage you. Pleasure yourself.

His transition was uncanny, from an awkward nerdy looking kid, to a full grown wood chopping man. Do you feel old? Well maybe he can make you feel forever twenty one. With his tongue.... My God, the innocence in his eyes makes you feel bad about staring at his lips, but hey, he's an adult. An adult whose done more than enough sex scenes on cable. Gay men, you know good and well you use that Wet lube when you watch his gay sex scenes. You wanted to be that store owner getting fucked in the storage room. It turned you on even more that his father walked in on it. Again, the writers are so wrong, but sooo right! Cam, take me; Take all of me!

JUSTIN BIEBER 

Oh What the Hell, Why not?

I can't stand Justin Bieber, he's an asshole, a prick and he looks like a buff lesbian. But when you put a trash bag over his head, he's got a really nice body. Quiet as it's kept, you agree with me. If he came over, took his shirt off and revealed that chiseled tatted up body, you would get undressed too. Something confusing runs through you when you see his shirtless pics, you hate his personality but there's something about his cockiness and you know you cant resist that body. 

He's the guiltiest pleasure, because he looks like he's twelve, thus why the trash bag is needed. The happy trail gives hint of some type of puberty and you are so darn curious about his vagina........You would eat that pussy out. Oh wait, you think he has a dick? Well you're curious about his dick but you anticipate it being small with big balls. You anticipate him being clean shaven, EVERYWHERE. The fact that he is liable to call you a bitch and ask you if you're a "Belieber" during sex kind of turns you on in a kinky way. You've told no one about these fantasies, as they could get you excommunicated from modern society. 

He's such a poser, an immature spoiled Canadian cunt 

That needs to get gang-banged by Black dick. Usher, start it off

I admit, the pic above turns me on, the thought of Usher plowing that lesbian pussy turns me on, but then I remember, Usher is a bottom.....

And apparently, so is Justin. LOOK AT THAT PHATTY!

He better be glad he didn't get jail time for his DUI